chapter 11- reckoning (p5.1)

The morning came as it usually did, which was itself unusual considering the events that had transpired mere hours before. Paul awoke by himself, hungover, and in a perplexed mood. There was only one thing on his mind, where was Emma?

She wasn’t in bed next to him and he was certain they’d gone to bed together. Groggily getting to his feet, Paul explored the downtrodden apartment, but to his dismay, Emma was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t on the couch, she wasn’t on the floor, and she wasn’t in her bed. In fact, her room had been completely cleaned out. Come to think of it, the apartment looked mostly spotless. The horrendous mess that had consumed the place the night before had been completely wiped away.

Paul didn’t think it was possible until he looked at the time. He’d damn near slept till 1PM. Grabbing a glass of water to quench his thirst and an ice pack to numb his headache, Paul sat down at the kitchen table and took a moment to collect himself. Emma had obviously left. But why would she leave without saying goodbye? Unless, they’d said goodbye last night, and he’d forgotten. His memory was a bit fuzzy from the alcohol, but he recollected the events well enough. They’d decided to roleplay one last time.. They’d really gotten into it.. Then they..

They.. They’d had sex. They’d actually done it. It had been everything Paul had ever hoped but that had to be the reason why Emma had deserted him. She must have felt guilty. Unless.. Unless his cruel imagination had made up the whole scenario.. Was that possible? Had it been a dream? No.. No.. He was certain the events of the previous night hadn’t been a dream.

It finally happened. He’d cheated on Claire.. if sex was the line he had to cross to constitute cheating.. Then he’d done it this time.. Yet strangely, it didn’t feel much different to Paul than all the naughty feedings and secret pleasures he’d shared with Emma behind Claire’s back. Perhaps what he’d been doing had been cheating the whole time.

In the moment, he didn’t know how to feel. Part of him was relieved he’d done the deed with Emma. Yet another part of him was furious with self-hatred. He’d given into his desires and lost sight of the woman he’d proposed to mere hours before. If anyone deserved to live happily ever after, it wasn’t him. And yet, here he was. He’d gotten away with living the best of both worlds. He could try to contact Emma, talk things over with her, and figure out where they stood. She certainly wasn’t going to contact him, otherwise she would have stayed until he woke up. Or, he could clean his apartment a little more, prepare for Claire to arrive, and pretend that living his dream with Emma had been just that, a dream and nothing more.

Paul thought about it for a good long while. While a part of him was tempted to chase after Emma, but it slowly dawned on Paul that Emma was never coming back, regardless of anything he could promise her. Whatever they’d done last night hadn’t changed the fact he’d proposed to Claire.

It took more time than Paul would have cared to admit, but eventually he decided the best thing he could do was to cherish the time he’d shared with Emma and prepare to forge a new dream with Claire. He certainly had some regrets, but there was nothing he could do about them now. While his heart would sting for quite some time, once Claire finally made her way to see him later that same day, still giddy as all hell from his proposal, he quickly remembered that life would go on.

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