chapter 14- telling truths

“It’s.. okay.” Trevor muttered, as his face resembled that of a deer in the headlights. What had just happened.. Was Alana.. Was she retaliating? Or.. was she trying to seduce him? Because.. if he was being honest with himself.. It was kind of.. working.. He could feel his blood begin to flow somewhere else. Somewhere less appropriate.

“You were right.” Alana honestly admitted after she swallowed. She brushed her hands off in front of her, before she closed the box of Oreos and pivoted a bit with her stool so she could face Trevor directly. She wanted to press her advantage and remind Trevor her authority over him was everlasting, regardless of how amazing he looked and how out of shape she’d become. But there was a problem.

When she’d looked into his eyes. She’d felt something. She almost felt bad for teasing him like that. What the hell was she doing? She must have looked like such a fool sucking on his finger like that! Trevor wasn’t saying anything, Alana decided it would be best to try and save face, “You must think I’ve turned into an ugly fat slob.”

“No, I don’t.” Trevor stammered without a thought, “You’ve always been beautiful Alana. Still are.”

“Awe, *sniff* that was really sweet Trevor!” Alana squeaked, as he could see her brown eyes begin to glisten with tears. She hadn’t been called beautiful by anyone since Noah..

Trevor noticed Alana’s expression suddenly turn more depressed. He’d only been trying to make her feel better. Alana let out a big sigh and continued, “But it’s not true. I’m not beautiful. I don’t see beautiful when I look in the mirror. *sniff* I just see a ugly loser. That’s all I really am.”

“You are not a loser.” Trevor tried to comfort Alana, as he put his hand softly on her chunky thigh in support. As he watched a tear fall from her soft cheek, Alana quickly appeared to be breaking down.

“I’m unemployed. Overweight. *Sniff* Single. Living with my parents. And to top it all off, the kid I used to babysit just spent the last half hour plucking splinters out of my fat ass because I tried to sneak through a fence as if I wasn’t obese.” Alana sobbed, as she wiped her tears away with her chubby arm, “I thought when I turned 28 I’d have a husband, *sniff* a house, and, I don’t know.. a fucking dog.. Not debt, dimples on my ass, and zero job or dating prospects. *Sniff* And what’s worse is that I have nobody to blame but myself. I’ve always cut corners, done things the easy way.. I’m not unlucky. *Sniff* I’ve just made so many mistakes along the way.. I’m the definition of a ***ing ugly loser.”

“You’re so blind. Making mistakes doesn’t make you a loser. You are not defined by your worst mistakes. You’re defined by how you respond to them. You’re in a tough place now. I get that, but your life’s not over because you turned 28.” Trevor suddenly surged to his feet and grabbed Alana with some force by both shoulders. Her eyes widened with surprise as his sudden motion, but what she was hearing had her momentarily dumbfounded and speechless, “I don’t know if you remember this, but just before you went off to college. I told you.. I loved you. And that I never wanted another babysitter. Do you remember what you told me?”

“*Sniff* Ha.. I said if you never want another babysitter, you better stop acting like a baby..” Alana recalled in a solemn astonishment. Looking at Trevor now. She wished she’d said something a little nicer.. “I can’t believe you remember that.. I’m sorry I was such a.. I AM such a bitch..”

“You’re not a bitch. But you’re acting like a baby. If you keep being down about yourself, you’ll never get up. You might not see beautiful when you look in the mirror, but that’s all I see when I look at you. I’ve got perfect vision Alana. You might wanna get your eyes checked.” Trevor firmly concluded, as he let Alana go and sat back down. She was frankly stunned. The way Trevor had touched her. They way he’d talked to her.. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He really wasn’t. He was a man. A good-looking young man.

“*Sniff* I really needed to hear that Trevor.. *Sniff* You have no idea how much it means to me.. Thank you.” Alana sobbed a little, before smiling, “Better be careful who you are calling beautiful.. don’t want that girlfriend of yours getting jealous.”

“She’s..” Trevor slowly began in a depressed tone.

“I know, I know. She’s got nothing to be jealous of. A fatty like me isn’t exactly a threat to a skinny little track athlete.” Alana admitted, although it pained her to do so.

“She’s got plenty to be jealous of. You are one of a kind Alana.” Trevor argued, as he briefly broke eye contact before continuing, “besides, she’s not skinny anymore, ever since she stopped running, she’s actually put on a lot of weight.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that.” Alana muttered in feigned disappointment, though she was curious about something else.. As her hand self-consciously glazed across her round belly, she asked, “Is that a turn off?”

“Umm..” Trevor blushed, as he broke eye contact again.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ask that. None of my business.” Alana apologetically burst, as her wandering hands sensitively found their way to Trevor’s shoulder to show her regret for asking that.

“No. The weight’s not a turn off. I still think she’s a real attractive person. It’s just..” Trevor stumbled over his word’s as Alana’s head perked up, “it feels like something’s missing from our relationship. We’ve got good chemistry, but it feels like that’s all our relationship is.. I don’t know what to do.. I’ve actually been thinking of ending it.”

“If you’ve got a girl who ‘tickles your pickle,’ don’t throw it all away just cause it isn’t perfect. There is no such thing as perfect. You’ll waste your life waiting for someone perfect. Trust me.” Alana advised him. She was talking from experience, Trevor could tell, but he felt she didn’t really understand.

“I’m not looking for perfect. I..” Trevor paused. His heart was pounding. He needed to just say it, “I don’t love her.”

“Sometimes love doesn’t come right away Trevor. Give it some time.” Alana offered, as Trevor turned his head and his eyes locked with hers. He saw care in her eyes. In his eyes, she saw something else entirely.

“Sometimes it does.” Trevor acknowledged, as Alana waited for the soul seeking look Trevor was giving her to change, but he remained steady.

“How would you know? You’re too young to even understand what love feels like.” Alana countered, as she got a little defensive. Was he serious with those puppy-dog eyes?

“I know what it feels like.” Trevor insisted, as he leaned almost unnoticeably closer to Alana’s face.

“Bull. Shit. Prove it.” Alana spat, as she crossed her arms in a defensive motion.

“Okay.” Trevor agreed, as he leaned forward confidently into Alana’s personal space. His face was inches away from hers and closing fast!

“What are.. you..” Alana softly questioned, as she felt the young man firmly press his lips against hers, “*Mhh!*”