chapter 15- jumping off the deep end

For a moment, their lips were locked. Her hands pounced to softly feel the back of his neck and tug him into a position that wasn’t so far above her. He tasted sweet.. like Oreos.. wait that must be her.. Just as Alana’s tongue broke free from its reigns, Trevor pulled back. Their eyes remained locked as he sat back down. He didn’t look guilty. He looked stunned. She probably looked the same way.

*…*

“Oh-my-god.. Me? Trevor.. Are you saying you..” Alana stammered, as her mind started to race, “When you said you loved me when you were 10.. You weren’t saying that thinking of me as an older sister or something.. you meant.. oh-my-god..”

“Alana..” Trevor tried to get her attention.

“You love me?? Like, really? Me? After all this time?” Alana gasped, as her heart pounded faster than it had in years. She couldn’t believe it. Not only had she just kissed Trevor. She’d enjoyed it.

“I.. Always have.” Trevor assured her.

“Like, that’s why you don’t love your girlfriend? *Pant* Because you’re still in love with me??” Alana nearly wheezed, as she felt an acute dizziness overtaking her.

“I mean, if she was you, I’m sure I wouldn’t have this problem.” Trevor admitted, as Alana felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach. He was flirting with her.. All night.. And she’d been flirting back! Egging him on! Teasing him! Prodding him! Encouraging him! What the hell had she been thinking???!

“This.. This is wrong in so many ways.. I.. I’m ten years older than you!” Alana burst in nervous exacerbation.

“Nine years.” Trevor corrected, as he tried to keep a calm tone. He’d already played his hand, now it was about what Alana did with the cards on the table.

“I was your babysitter!” Alana gasped, as her mind continued to run through the laundry list of reasons, she should not have welcomed his kiss.

“Not anymore.” Trevor argued.

“*Wheeze* I need to sit down.” Alana nearly coughed, as her lungs had not been prepared for this.

“You are sitting down.” Trevor reminded her, as Alana looked down in confirmation. She looked surprised to see she was sitting.

“This is not okay..” Alana gasped, as she looked back into Trevor’s eyes with worry.

“Then why’d you kiss me back?” Trevor firmly countered.

“I.. umm.. What?” Alana played dumb for a second. She couldn’t think of any other way to respond.

“You liked it didn’t you.” Trevor said, as he stood up, “You like ME. Don’t you.”

“*Gulp* Trevor I think you’re.. you’ve.. matured. Umm.. but.. I mean.. You have a girlfriend..” Alana stammered, as she rose to her feet with Trevor and took a nervous step backward. She was feeling a painfully conflicting mix of arousal, shame, fear, vulnerability and embarrassment.

“I would drop Jill in a second if it meant I had a shot with you.” Trevor vowed, as he took a step forward to close the distance between them, “I love you Alana.”

“Trevor.. But.. you see me.. I’m gotten so fat..” Alana protested. She didn’t deserve a guy that looked as good as Trevor. He was in such good shape and she.. wasn’t. She took another step backward absentmindedly.

“More of you to love.” Trevor protested, as he followed her.

“I can’t even touch my toes..” Alana admitted in a flabbergasted manner. She decided Trevor was looking at her through ‘love goggles,’ he wasn’t seeing who she really was. If she could get him to see her as she really was, he’d stop this nonsense. She kept moving away.

“Don’t care.” Trevor shrugged off Alana’s self-deprecating jab, as he attempted to stay close to her.

“I can’t even see my toes cause my belly is so big.” Alana pointed out, as her hands held her massive stomach, and she kept wobbling backward.

“Doesn’t matter. I think it’s cute.” Trevor warmly smirked, as he reached for Alana’s hand, but she brought it to her chest. With her hands cupping her breasts, Alana blurted the only thing she could think of.

“My boobs have swollen so much I have cleavage sweat. Like, all the time. It’s gross.” Alana shakily muttered, as her big butt bumped against the kitchen countertop. She was trapped!

“If you are trying to dissuade me, talking about your boobs is not the right strategy.” Trevor assured her, as he stepped to her, placed his strong arms on either side of her against the countertop, and brought his face close to her own. She was looking up at him now, with eyes that seemed desperate.

“I’m moody and shallow and really high maintenance.” Alana vulnerably communicated, as she felt enveloped by Trevor’s impressive stature. This was her last chance. The last chance to make him see that she wasn’t worthy of his love, “And I don’t care what you say, I can be a real bitch sometimes. I’m a lot to handle and I can’t help it.”

“I already knew that.” Trevor whispered into Alana’s ear so confidently and genially, that she felt shivers running down the back of her neck, “I love you Alana, don’t you get it.”

“…” Alana didn’t say anything, but her face said it all. He’d broken her defenses. She wasn’t looking at him like he was the kid she used to babysit, she was looking at him like he was a man and she was a woman. The tone of Alana’s voice changed. The nervous mix of fear and embarrassment was gone, in its place sounded something close to affection, “Prove it.”

“What?” Trevor questioned to see if he heard correctly. Alana’s eyes remained locked upward at his, they were mere inches from each other. He could practically feel her heart pounding.

“I’m feeling something right now. And I don’t really know what it is. I don’t care if it’s wrong.. I’m gonna give you a chance.. to help me make up my mind.” Alana voiced with urgency as she opened her reluctant heart for the first time in ages, “Make me feel your love.. Make me tremble.. Make me scream.. Make me know I’m the only one you’ll ever want.. and I’ll be yours..”