chapter 2

An opportunity to at least slightly touch the topic soon presented itself. We were halfway to our destination, and a stewardess approached with the food cart. Of course, this being a short-haul flight without even trying to look anything other than cheapest of the cheap, there wasn't any real food to be expected. Some instant soup made out of who-knows-how cheap powder, noodles which have probably never seen any wheat or eggs at all, rubbery sandwiches with the blandest of tastes, and even if they were any better, the low cabin pressure makes any food taste much more bland than usual. It was enough for me to try it once, and never again. Still, a good opportunity to ask at least one food-related question from my neighbor, or watch how much she orders. Preferably ask before she orders, to not make it sound like a rude comment. I already made far too many side glances in her direction.

"Aren't you hungry?", I asked, pointing with my eyes towards the food cart approaching from behind.

She followed my gaze, uttered a short "no, thank you" towards the stewardess, waited until she pushed the cart away to the next row, then turned back to me. She could have dodged the topic, taking up the thread of our earlier conversation, but she started teasing about this new turn of events instead.

"Are you surprised that I didn't order anything?", she smiled at me.

We both knew what this question meant. I realized now, of course she wanted to know how I feel about her size, and I also had to know what kind of relation she is with the layers upon layers of fat she lived with every hour of her life. The thirst of knowing our feelings about this topic, the nervousness of not guessing it correctly, slowly grew between us, and she was now signaling that we might break through that sheet of ice. She also masterfully allowed me the decision to grab on this hook or let it pass with a general "meh, I don't like airline food either", an answer she could have used herself right at the beginning if she wanted to avoid this topic. I answered accordingly, accepting her half-heartedly disguised invitation.

"Should I be?", I smiled back.

Leaning closer, she whispered "Of course I'm hungry. Do you really think I would be this big without being hungry all the time?"

I was left nearly speechless at how ready she was to indulge into this subject. My heart started pounding quicker, I felt the warmth of her body so near to me, and her scent was surprisingly light and refreshing. Especially her hair smelled very nice, as she leaned close it unraveled itself and fell forward again in a smooth motion. She didn't bother to tuck it back behind her ears this time, so it just hung there, covering part of her face, making her look even more mischievous.

"You seem to value quality as well, not just quantity.", I found my voice again. Quite daring, I thought, but she seemed open to it, so I kept raising the stakes.

"Yeah, quality, quantity, and variety too! With all three of these I'm practically in paradise", she chuckled. "Too bad there's none of it up here."

"Well, let's hope the first buffet you encounter after we landed, will be well stocked."

"Absolutely!", she replied with joy, "I'll completely ravage them!". She then paused for a moment, to get back to a more serious and careful tone, "Doesn't it bother you that you have to sit next to such a wh... I mean, someone of such size?"

I expected she'll ask something like this sooner or later, so I had my reply ready: "If I had to give you a piggyback ride, then sure, your weight would bother me. But that's not the case, so why should your size matter at all?"

Truth to be told, I was a little conflicted about this. Indeed, I valued personality and the so-called inner beauty the most, and I couldn't care less how someone looked who I just had a chat with to make time pass faster, but as I imagined a relationship with someone like her... I shouldn't think of an intimate relationship with her, I hardly knew her, but still, if I had a girlfriend this fat... And this is when I realized, that someone else being this fat, it might have been too much, but with her? I just couldn't imagine her any thinner, I don't know why. And maybe this encounter will change me forever. Even if nothing is to happen with the two of us, my definition of when someone is or isn't too fat, will surely be shifted seriously.
Still, there was a question pressing me, so I continued while she was still in her thoughts.

"And what about you? Does it bother you?"
I realized the sheer stupidity of asking such a thing from someone with an ass so big that two seats can barely hold her, and for whom climbing a single flights of stairs must be a great effort. Still, she didn't take offense. I guess I have already betrayed myself by not looking at her with disgust or pity.

"I can't say it's easy", she let her breath out, "but I had time to get used to it. I was never thin, as far back as I can remember. I could say it runs in the family, but I was the fattest among my sisters. Still, not by much, so I never felt out of place. We all loved to eat, and our motto was screw what other people think, it's not them who we have to conform to. You can imagine, with four girls in a family having no brother who could make fun of us, all of us being big eaters, reinforcing each others' habits, it all was normal to us. We weren't denying us any pleasures when it came to food. Especially me, being the biggest glutton of us all. Aren't I weirding you out, telling all this?"

"Nahh, it sounds like a lifestyle with lots of fun, who am I to judge?", I reassured her.

"Anyway", she continued, "as I gradually plumped up more and more, it happened slowly enough to not feel a sudden change which might have scared me."

I found this a little difficult to accept, there has to be something else too. I get it that someone gets from plump to fat in such a manner, but all the way to such a gargantuan size? I bet she has difficulties at freaking walking! But as if she had guessed my thoughts, she continued.

"As strange as it might sound, I didn't wish to be thin. I felt comfortable in my chubby body, and I reasoned that if I was thin I would have much less capacity for food. And I felt cozy in my body, that was just me, I don't know how could I explain it better. I was just that friendly fat girl who likes to have lots of fun, I made great friendships, and the few people who might have looked down on me for my weight weren't a big loss. Still, as my size got big enough to cause me more and more hurdles, and as my body got more difficult to carry around, I sometimes wished I could get back to the weight I had a few months before, just for convenience, nothing more. But I didn't care strong enough to abandon my usual habits. I was happy the way I was.
Until one fateful event changed everything. I got stuck in a restroom door of a burger place. I was still far below this size back then", she patted her belly, "I don't think I was much above 150 or so kilos. But I admit, the door was really narrow."

I tried not to think how much she must weight now, if that was still far below her current size.

"Anyway", she continued, "that got me really humiliated. I got so scared, as if only then did I realize how much out of hand my weight got. I panicked, and stared dieting, hard. That was the first time in my life when I wanted to drop any significant weight. You can see how well it went", she said as she pushed her hands into her belly folds from the side, until all her fingers disappeared, then shook her belly until it wobbled. "The problem was, you know, that I never ever dieted before. I was used to always satisfy my hunger in its forming stages. During my diet was the first time I learned what real hunger meant. And I made a mistake right at the beginning, I tried too hard, I basically starved myself. Still, it happened a few times that I cheated, I couldn't hold it any longer, and I stuffed myself until my stomach almost burst. Still, overall, I thought I was doing fine, I had many more days of starvation than I had cheat days. I thought I was on the right track, not realizing what effects on my mood it had. I felt miserable, but I pushed myself, motivated myself."

"Was it at least worth it?", I asked.

"Worth it? Bah! I did it for about a year, and then I had to realize that I was lying to myself, and all I achieved was screwing up my metabolism. Whenever I dropped a little weight, even just a little, I convinced myself that I was doing well, so I took it easier for a while, then I got ashamed that I wasn't making enough progress, then started starving myself again. I also tried exercising, not that I could hold out for long, but I still rewarded myself with enough treats after each time that it probably offset any calories I have burned. Of course, I was denying that to myself for a while, while still maintaining a token effort to slim down. Also, I think I could really have lost weight if I had been more persistent, or at least had planned it better, but after the initial shock wore off, I didn't do it with my whole heart in it, so I didn't put in enough mental effort to stop myself from gorging myself from time to time. So in a year, instead of losing weight, I actually put on another ten!
I then remembered that I was happier before that, so I stopped worrying, stopped dieting, going back to my old routine. I guess it was healthier to eat a lot but in a more balanced fashion than to alternate starving and stuffing myself. I hoped everything will stabilize, and didn't put much more thought in the matter. Still, the damage to my metabolism was already done, my body still bearing the effects of a starvation mode when every available calorie is converted to fat, so I gained twenty more kilos over the next year."