chapter 1

April 7th 2019- at this point everyone knows about COVID-19 and the forced quarentine. I was extremely bored and needed to feed my hunger for some type of social interaction and attention and Instagram gets so boring. I had started an account with Fantasy Feeder a few years ago and always really enjoyed the stories. Especially the ones by "teasesfatties". Which never really made sense to me because the ones I especially liked were written from the fat girl's or guy's perspective and I am a fat admirer and I've certainly gained and at times lost weight but by no means am I an intentional gainer. The weight range I find most attractive for men is 250- 500lbs and for women 225-350lbs. Lucky me, my husband is a technically "super obese" 325lbs at 5'8. Delicious! To be clear the before photos I have mostly posted are from the brief time I was between 105-108, it was like 3 months in 2011. Not to shatter the illusion that is so tantalizing to many of you of me gaining 20lbs in the 2-3 weeks we have been in quarentine. The reason I was so thin was that I stopped drinking and started taking an antidepressant/smoking cession aid and was very busy at my salon so there were days that I ate only an golden delicious apple and a Chewy granola bar, I lived alone so if I was tired I could just go to sleep when I got home instead of having to eat anything else to get the energy to stay up and hang out with a significant other. I know everyone is considering that to be my "prefect body" but please who could sustain that?! After being sober about 6 months I started drinking again thus piling the weight back on. Prior to this I had been as fat as 129lbs and was about 118lbs when I started taking the antidepressant. So after being thrilled to be back to the 105-108lbs (my high school weight! At 27!) I got back up to 118, so since then I've been mainly between 113-118 not drinking and up to 125 while drinking, with an exception of getting to 133 for about a week after drinking too many Rum Runners on vacation in Florida. The last time that I was sober for a little over a year I got my second breast augmentation taking me to 450cc's. My body was pretty nice for a few months and then I relapsed again and I've been between 119-125 for the year and a half or more since. Probably an average of 122.5 let's say. About a month before quarentine started I started trending more towards 125 again with one day weighing in at 127! Yikes! So I know that doesn't sound like a huge difference but since I'm basically a midget 3 lbs can take me from "eh I wish I was thinner" to "OMG! how do I have cellulite on my belly! And why is that pesky lower belly sticking out like its been stuffed with pure pudge! Bye bye any muscle tone!" So this is where we are now. Since quarentine I have not gained any weight, thankfully! But, if I look at myself objectively, I'm like, pretty fat! Then I got the idea to post on FF. I've read many stories that describe the begining of weight gain, maybe I could be a good visual for a women 30-40lbs into her gain? And the weights these male writers give the female characters are so RIDICULOUSLY low even at my thinest I would have probably been a porker to them! Seriouly guys! Who is 5'9 and weighs 105, they would be hospitalized for anorexia! But whatever, better for what I was thinking anyway. So I took a risk, I posted a picture in a shiny purple outfit that I'm probably too chunky to really wear, but hey, maybe they will like it? Some did and I got comments like "very sexy tummy bulge" and I got a pang in my heart and thought "oh no! I really am fat! I should hate myself, I'm disgusting! Does my husband think I'm too fat now!? What am I going to do!? I can't stop drinking, I'm liking it too much!" But as I was taking the photos was I not rubbing my porky puffy lower belly, enjoying pinching and jiggling my soft fat? Was I not turned on by the sight of myself looking more like the tubbies I was attracted to? When I removed my bottoms was I not shocked by how much moisture had developed just by touching my own chubby body? Inadvertently pushing put my belly trying to look chubbier? When really the worst thing to do was to try and flex my faded abdominal muscles, it only made my belly look like a bowl of large curd cottage cheese.