Unforgettable cruise

Chapter 78 - (actual chapter 23 continues…)

“I have to go serve another table, and because I’m working, I can’t be part of the rounds of drinking. All committee members in favor of this being an official transaction despite my not being allowed to drink nor bear witness at every moment, for which I myself vote yes?”

“Yes” “Yes” “Mmm hmm”

“OK, it’s unanimous. Let’s please start with the committee member farthest from me near the wall so I can go do my job and not get reprimanded, working in order from there towards me. I’ll be back when I can.”


She was already gone before Per could ask, “Do those of us who aren’t on the committee and aren’t the nominee need to drink at the same time?”

“Nooo” replied his Love the nominee. “You and Beryl enjoy your flights at each your own pace, and the show.”


Rebecca had to admit to herself that she felt more than slightly nervous, even though the native son and 2 native daughters seated across from her were all smiling towards her as the 4 of them enjoyed the first and lightest beer of their flights.


“OK native daughter and Team Succulence member Chonky, I’m ready when you are.”

“Name the band best known for songs about California life, specifically California Girls.”

“The Beach Boys!”

“Correct!”

“That’s too easy!” Clark objected, shoulder-bumping Leigh. “Those were national hits anyone could know, not something only a true Cali girl could know!”

With the force of a prosecuting attorney badgering a witness, Leigh pushed herself part-way up, leaning towards Rebecca menacingly. “*Have you ever at least one time since moving to California sung along and danced to the Beach Boys’ version of California Girls, changing the lyrics to something like ‘I wish I could be a California girl’?*”

“*Yes* Your Honor! At *least* once a year!”

“Irrelevant!” Clark again objected.

“First question was legitimate, and she answered it! Your turn once we have our next flight glass, where you can ask a harder question.”


Rebecca braced herself for what she knew was going to be a tough question, downing her second flight glass to hopefully fortify herself, or if not that at least get through the gauntlet more quickly.

Once the others and he himself finished, Clark plunged right in, “Name the California city whose motto used to be ‘Sun Fun Stay Play’.”

“*Clark!*” Leigh barked.

Jayne looked over at him like he was nuts. “*I* don’t even know that!”

“It’s a significant California city and they had that motto for *years!*”

Leigh was having none of it, “Not in any years Bec lived here!”

“We’re in southern Oregon.”

“Lived in California! Pick another question that at least both I and Squish can answer, please!”


He gave her a mildly dirty look, working through his mind seeking something suitable. Eventually he thought one up. “The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum is located in which City of Los Angeles district?”

“*South Central!* My hip-hop homies used ta battle them.”

One of his eyebrows shot up, “Where is your true home?!”

“**California!**”

“A lright. Congratulations on passing stage 2.”

“Hhhhhhh” she sighed in relief, her head collapsing against the seat back.

“You’re halfway there” Per encouraged her with a smile and a very nice bare fat upper arm affectionate squeezy caressing rub.


{Well at least I’m getting smashed enough that I’m not gonna care if I lose} thought Rebecca, during her tasty 3rd. flight glass. She didn’t feel especially great about the evil smile on Jayne’s face, as the latter finished her current glass.

“For the true Cali girl, when is bikini season?”

“*Ohhhh!*” Leigh winced.

“Niiiccee!” was Clark’s response.

“*Trick question!* I can’t get in a bikini that fits!”

“Yes you can” declared Beryl.

Jayne restated the question, “For the sake of this qualification exam, imagine your future self, a true 100% Cali girl-certified immigrant, with a bikini right there in your closet or drawer that fits you perfectly and makes you look **excellent**. When is your bikini season—you and Chonky and me and our barmaid and all other true Cali girls?”

“It can be any time of the year! I’ve been toasty-warm on the beach in the sun some days in December and January even, and other years that can’t happen and even some days or weeks in June may be out. It depends on the weather; ya gotta look at the weather forecast.”

“**Correct answer!**”

“*Hallelujah and I Love You, California!*”


“How’re we doing here?” the newly-returned barmaid asked from behind her mask, starting to dish out the orders.

“I’m 3 for 4! I’m on a roll!”

“Looks like you all of the qualification committee and you as the nominee need to finish your 4th. flight glass before I can ask your final qualification question.”

Rebecca was almost there, and made it all the way so. “Let’s go people!” Clap clap clap “She’s got people ta serve and I gotta do this!”

Leigh and Jayne pounded theirs, to keep things moving. Clark, on the other hand, quaffed his leisurely.

“Let’s overheat his glass with stare burns so he’ll finish it faster” Leigh advised.

Before they could make any progress on that, he gulped the last 2 swallows and set down the glass.

“The official state flower of California is?”

“*The California poppy!* They’re usually the most *beautiful* vibrant orange but some are yellow and some are red and I’ve heard tell of pink ones but I’ve never seeeen those” she ended in a sing-songy tone. “I *love* the poppies! The poppy fields in Antelope Valley in springtime—*OHHHH!* I don’t know why people pick them from there and step on them when they’re so easy to grow at home. *Leave the native poppies alone!—HHHHH!* You have one *right there!*”

“This one’s farm-grown, not from a reserve, I promise you. By the power delegated in us as native-born Californians, I hereby pass this California poppy from my pandemic-enforced gloved hands through the hands of each committee member in turn, the last of whom will place it decoratively in your hair, at which point you will be a true Cali girl of the immigrant subclass, with rights and privileges equal to the native-born Cali girl subclass, apart from being able to serve on nomination committees such as this one.”

“Hhhhh! I’m cryin’ here! (sniff) I’ve waited *years* for this!”

Leigh’s belly briefly got caught under the lip of the table, flobbing (sic) up in a sudden jolt and landing atop the table with a pleasing thud as she stood to decorate Rebecca with the pretty poppy. Twisting her upper body as she carefully studied the different angles, she eventually chose slipping it in her hair about 2 cm above her left ear, with the peak of the bloom about 2 cm forward of it.

She couldn’t help smiling at the result: it looked beautiful!


Everyone took pictures, including the barmaid. Nearly all of them had to wait for Rebecca to repeatedly wipe her eyes then smile, to avoid a crying (from joy) photo.


The newly-minted Cali girl’s eyes suddenly grew wide, “*Wait wait wait*—I just thought of this: is this permanent? Or is there any way that this great honor can be taken away from me?!”

“According to the last policy update I saw, it’s permanent unless a Cali girl consistently ranks iconic aspects of other areas above those of California, especially those of an immigrant Cali girl’s native area. For example, if you routinely spoke of how New York pizza or bagels or anything else are better than those of California, you’d be at high risk of having your official Cali girl status revoked. Sports teams are even more critical, so if, for example, you root for the Mets instead of the Dodgers or Angels or Giants any other California team, you’d likely have your status revoked.”

“Oy. Glad I’m not a sports fan! And I do like California pizza, especially with arugula on it. But the bagel thing, all the bagel places I see have New York in their name somewhere. How does that work? I can’t afford ta lose this after having worked so long and hard ta get here!”

“All good, unless you routinely complain that the bagels at such-and-such place in New York City or elsewhere outside of California are better. Keep it positive, keep it Cali, and you’ll be fine.

Tension again poured out of new Cali girl Rebecca’s body. Before her emotions could again well up overly strong, she asked the barmaid “What’s your name, hun?”

“Poppy. *No, just kidding!* It’s Lita, L-I-T-A. I forgot my badge today.”

“Thank you *so* much, Lita! Seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Cool! And congratulations again, new official Cali girl with the poppy to show the world! Enjoy your meal, everybody; I’ll be back around soon.”


“Whatever we’re doin’ for her gratuity, I’m doublin’ it” declared Rebecca, once Lita was out of view.

“Gonna double down on that ploughman’s lunch before it gets cold, Cali?” asked Beryl.

“Oh that’s *riiiight!*” her eyes lit up, “I’m *Cali* now! *I really am!*”


Cali and the rest of Team Succulence tucked into their hearty pub fare, sharing smiles whenever their immediate eating situation allowed doing so.