chapter 2

I don’t remember much after that, only that I did not stay for lunch. The past two weeks have been blurry, but filled with late-night bingeing of chocolate donuts and chocolate milk. Cakes that I bought from grocery stores, and pretended were for birthdays for non-existing people, saying things like “H--py Birt---- -an---” with huge chunks already having been eaten. I know my friend Kim came over at one point, said something about the table and must have left.

It was only now that my head finally felt like it was clearing up, as I laid in bed, staring at the tacked on glow-in-the-dark stars, which were near dead for the night. I headed into the kitchen, grabbing another pint of ice cream then a spoon as was my usual routine.

Sitting at the table, I noticed a card.

“Dr. Carey Verdicken, M.D.” I read out loud to myself. “Oh, a psychiatrist.” I collapsed into my chair, digging into my mint chocolate ice cream. “She’s right, this isn’t healthy.” I looked at the clock; it was 4:29 in the morning. I turned back toward my ice cream, the green cream dripping off the spoon and my chin.

“I’ll… I’ll call tomorrow. I can’t stop until I get his help, I don’t have any self-control.” I continued digging into my ice cream with one hand, the spoon bringing more melted chocolate and ice cream to my mouth. “I’ll call tomorrow.”

********

RING

� �Ugh…” My eyes slowly opened, and I slowly realized I must have fallen asleep sometime during my ice cream gorge. “Oof,” I said, scratching my bloated belly. There was dried ice cream and chocolate chips on my bare skin, which chipped off as I scratched with my nails.

RING RING RING

“Oh, yeah, f*ck, phone, right.” I pressed “ANSWER” with my sticky fingers, leaving a noticeable fingerprint on the screen.

“Hello?” I wiped my eyes, still not caring about the sticky residue I seemed to be spreading everywhere.

“Hey, it’s Kim. Did you see the card I left?”

“Yeah, Kim, I saw it.” I tried not to sound irritated. “Why are you calling so early?”

“Oh Sarah…” she paused. “It’s quarter-after-two.”

‘How the hell did I not noti–’ I needed to see what she needed, and get myself back to sleep “What’s up, Kim?”

“I just said…” I could hear her sigh in frustration, “Sarah, I’m really worried about you. I don’t want to pry, or give advice where it's not wanted, but–” wait, was she crying? “–but I saw this Doctor years ago, and my life…I was finally able to become the person I always wanted to be. Carey helped me become happy. Please. Please, Sarah, will you call Dr. Verdicken’s office? Just go once. That’s all I ask.”

I absentmindedly started reaching toward a donut further down the counter, “Kim, I don’t know if I have the mon—”

“And before you say anything, they accept all insurance. You won’t have to pay a dime. You have literally nothing to lose.”

I stood up from the chair, looking down at the Doctor’s card. I knew Kim cared about me, I had to give him a chance.

“Okay, Kim. I’ll go.”