chapter 4

Carey had suggested that I break up my routine, so I didn’t have to rely more on bad habits. It didn’t matter if it was just one new thing, something to nudge me out of this hole I was in. While it wouldn’t have been my first choice, she had suggested a ten minute walk if I couldn’t think of anything, so that’s what I set my mind on.

I grabbed my thermos, which cleverly disguised my chocolate milk. I would get out of the house, but I could not leave behind what had sustained me for so long. I settled on a quick ten minute walk around the neighborhood. Then I could come back and enjoy more of my bingeing.

It wasn’t too bad, I was out of practice, my weight shuffled to each leg as I waddled onto the concrete.All I could think about was how much of a mistake this was, but then I took another swig of my milk.

“Eh, it’s not like this is for weight loss, anyway.’ I continued, waddling less and less as I got my bearings. There weren’t many people out, luckily, so I didn’t feel guilty chugging my drink as I went along.

“Mmmmmmm....” I moaned quietly to myself, forgetting I was still in public. I started to increase my speed, sucking down more and more of the smooth, chocolatey milk. I stopped walking all together, plopping down onto the sidewalk, still sucking every drop down becoming increasingly louder in my moaning. Milk started dripping out of the corners of my lips, dripping down my double chin, dripping onto my already stained pink shirt. Soon, it was empty, but I stared down at a half gallon of whole chocolate milk sitting next to me. It was sealed and cold, I didn’t care where it came from. I tore open the lid and chugged.

My shirt was becoming tight, but I made no effort to remedy the situation. All I could focus on was the pleasure on my tongue, in my mouth. It was filling me, filling not only my stomach, but my body and soul. It leaked into every crack, every inch of space my belly could muster. It was making me happy, allowing me to let go.

The carton was empty, and I opened my eyes, looking down at my exposed stomach, and the shirt that was rolling up to my breasts. People were staring, but that wasn’t my main concern.

Was I pink? I always had a pinkish tone to my skin, but this… this was pure pink.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” A short, balding man kneeled down to check on me.

I screamed.

“What the fuck? What the fuck is happening to me?!”

My arms were pink, smooth, nearly hairless. My belly was the same pink, but covered in rolls.

“Ma’am, you need to go to a hosp—” I shoved him away, starting to run back to my house in a panic. I couldn’t gather speed, I was going slower than usual. I turned into an alley to stop, barely making it around the corner.

“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAL!!!!”

********

The last thing I remember is collapsing on the pavement. I must’ve knocked over a garbage can, ‘cause I remember the smell of days’ old food, take-out, and leftovers. I don’t remember having any clear thoughts or feelings, just...hunger. A deep, insatiable pure hunger and that I needed to fill it up, no matter what.

When I woke up, it was dark, I wasn’t quite sure where I was. The horrible stench of rotten food still lingered in my nose, and I finally realized that I couldn’t see any light at all. Sticking my hand out, I felt a cold metal wall to my side, and a plastic lid above.

“Am I in a dumpster?”