Another cup of jasmine tea

chapter 11

Then one day, she locked my door.
I didn’t understand. I cried out, which came out as a series of oinks and snorts. I banged on the door. What was she doing? I couldn’t go in the kitchen for my breakfast unless she opened the door!
I heard her heels in the tiled hallway outside. I was hungry! I needed food! I needed to eat! Yet, she did not come. She did not open the door.
I heard her leave, closing the front door behind her, then drive off in her car.
What was she doing? Why had she not taken me to work with her? I cried in despair. I was hungry, so incredibly hungry. I put the telly on and went back to bed feeling sorry for myself. I was felt like her love had been taken away from me too. I was bereft.
Then I started thinking that perhaps she had a big feast planned for me this evening. She would open my door and apologise for starving me all day. She would take me into the dining room which would be full of delicious foods that I had to eat in one sitting. I fantasised about what would be there... lasagne, scones with jam and cream, gateaux, savoury and sweet pies, scotch eggs, thin, crispy pancakes with lemon and lots of sugar, Yorkshire puddings overflowing with gravy, cold meats, cheese, jasmine tea, crispy wontons, deep fried sweet and sour pork, crispy duck, chicken curry with a tower of poppadoms and a plate of nan bread, over-sweet baklava, ice cream. Oh, ice cream! The thought of the cool melting stuff had me aroused at once. I thought of a myriad of flavours, but I would have been happy with just plain vanilla, or a 99. Oh a 99! That would be heaven! Soft scoop ice cream in a cone with two Cadbury’s milk Flakes stuck into it. It brought back memories of long hot summers by the seaside.
I heard Carol come in, but she did not come in to see me. She did not come and open the door. My hunger brought on another round of tears. When was she going to bring an end to my torture?

She did not come in to see me. The door to the hall was locked. The French doors out to the garden were locked. Even if I could get one of them open it would be no good anyway because I would not fit through the gap.
It was not just hunger I felt. It was more like a pain. I drank tap water from my en-suite bathroom to fill me up and ease the pain, but the feeling did not last long.

After five days, there was still no sign of Carol opening the door. I had already lost weight. I could feel my fat was softer. The days were long without food. The telly only served to temporarily distract me. I kept it on when I was awake as I hated the silence around me when it was switched off. The silence reminded me how lonely I was.
I cried over and over, but it served no purpose other than making me feel even more miserable than I already was.
I tried to force myself to be positive about my situation, but I could see no good would become of it. I was losing weight when I wanted to be fat. I enjoyed being fat. Eating to excess was exhilarating. I could eat if I had no food.