chapter 3 - ....have i?..

Sarah closed the tab at that point. Seriously? The internet has even named this predicted phenomenon already? She sat quietly thinking about this for a couple of minutes before her curiosity got the better of her. She opened the photo sharing app on her phone that she seldom used and searched the tag ‘quarantine15’.

She was instantly inundated with unending posts of memes and transformation photos of people’s bodies. When it came to the photos, some people seemed to fall into two categories; accepting, or ashamed. Sarah instantly felt sympathy for those that fell into the latter category. Many seemed to have acquired their following from their weight loss journeys, which Sarah was all for if that was what people wanted for themselves and their bodies. But a lot of them seemed to feel like they had to be transparent with the fact that they had hit a plateau or gained weight back, apologising for their ‘failing’.

This really struck a chord with Sarah because she had come to the realisation that she could be a bit of a perfectionist, and therefore she could often fall into a pattern of ‘all or nothing’ thinking. It completely ignored the bigger picture and absolutely minimised their development and journey thus far. Especially given the amount of stigma surrounding weight though, Sarah understood how amplified it probably was in that person’s mind. Some were describing themselves as disgusting and gross. And she found that so heart-wrenchingly poignant, because there was really nothing disgusting or gross about these fellow human beings at all.

Sarah was relieved to see that their followings seemed to respond only with outpourings of support and reassurance. One queen of a woman had commented, “weight fluctuates, but worth does not”. Sarah would high-five her if she could (followed by some hand sanitiser, of course). And none of these people looked ‘bad’ as a result of their weight gain, certainly not. At ‘worst’, if their gain was noticeable, they looked like they’d be great to cuddle with; perhaps the lack of human contact was getting to her…

Sarah was also fascinated by the other extremity; people who were accepting of how their body had changed, or even celebrated it. Some people, both men and women, were holding and shaking their newly acquired belly and rolls, giggling. They looked so adorable, just enjoying themselves. Some really did look more sensual as a result of their weight gain. Others even admitted to indulging in their favourite foods as much as possible to make the most of their time at home. And another group were posting amazing looking cooking or baking efforts that explained their apparent weight gain, but they felt it was worth it. Not to mention the incredible looking cheese and snack platters. Sarah really liked that they were doing things that they found pleasurable.

It also made her wonder.

Had she gained weight perhaps and not noticed? She had only really been wearing her comfortable clothes that she wore around the house, which all had elastic waistbands. Again, her curiosity getting the better of her, she heaved herself lazily off her couch.

She examined herself in the bathroom mirror. If she ran her thumb upwards on her neck, she could readily make a double chin. Her hips did seem a little bit wider maybe. She looked directly down at her abdomen. She rarely even considered her weight. She wasn’t thin per se, but had never been big either. Perhaps she ventured a bit toward chubby territory before growth spurts as a teen, and fluctuations were normal for anyone. But for the first time ever, she realised that her stomach was poking out a little more than usual. If she looked closely, she could see that her skin seemed to puff out over her waistband. She let out an abrupt laugh, jiggling her belly a little. It really was rather cute.

And it was not like it was permanent, right?