chapter 11 - embracing hope

You leave Clara's apartment, your huge body barely able to squish through the door. You feel so guilty. You feel like you've ruined everything, but you don't even care. She was just using you. There was no real connection there, and she got what she wanted.

You slowly make your way to the elevator. Once inside, you look down at your own belly. It hangs down to your mid-thighs. You twist and look at your butt. It sticks out at least a foot, and jiggles with every movement. Your tight mumu barely covers your belly.

The elevator reaches the ground floor and you work your way out. You can't waddle anymore. Now you just take tiny steps, turning your torso and swinging your huge jiggly arms to create momentum to move forward. Your whole body quakes and quivers with every step.

It takes hours to baby step your way home. Fortunately it's after dark and not many people are on the street. Those who are gawk at you. You try to ignore them.

When you arrive home, you see your father on the porch. Was he waiting for you? He's staring at your enormous body, but he pretends not to notice.

"How was your walk, Jocelyn?" he asks.
"Fine," you say.
"How's your friend? Clara, was it? Did she get home alright?"
"Yeah," you say. "She's home. I'm going to bed."
"What were you and your friend doing all evening?" he asks, eyeing your much larger body knowingly. "I thought you'd be home earlier."
"You know how it is, Dad."
"Yes, I suppose I do," he says, sighing. "Good night, dear."
"Good night, Dad."

You crawl up the stairs to your room and get into bed. As you lay there trying to fall asleep, you decide you'll call Jason tomorrow. He's a good person, and he truly loves you. You'll tell him all about Clara and what you've done to her. If he can forgive you, you'll continue to see him, but you'll need to be careful. You won't let him catch the virus. Maybe one day there will be a cure, and you can become intimate again. If he will still have you after what you did with... to... Clara. You drift off to sleep, hopeful but worried.