chapter 10- psyche’s blindfold

There was a knock on my bedroom door.
“Dinner,” a voice from outside called.
“Come in,” I didn’t look up from my notes.
I heard cart wheels rolling along my bedroom floor.
“You can just leave it.”
Once the kitchen staff had left I grabbed a plate and put in on my bed. Mindlessly my hand wandered from the plate to my mouth as I flipped through pages with the opposite hand. I paused for a moment as my hand circled the plate looking for another croquette. I glanced up to find the it was empty. Sitting up in the bed made me painfully aware how tight my clothes had grown. I began unlacing the back of my corset using one twisted hand. It was slow going but as my belly was given more room to expand and clumsy fingers pulled each individual bit of lacing to create more slack. I began feeling relief washing over me in waves. When finally unlaced enough I let the corset fall to my ankles before stepping out of it. Like a snake shedding its skin I peeled off layers of slips and tulle skirts for giving my dress shape. Finally I was left with one thin slip. The fabric was tight on my belly like casing on a sausage. The thin fabric and the tension didn’t hide the indentation my belly button or my nipples.

I grabbed another plate. Crumbs deposited on my notes. I didn’t care enough to brush them away. Instead I pushed the notes off the bed. I heard them flutter to the floor but I crammed more food into my mouth. The taste was comforting. It wasn’t long before I’d emptied one plate and was grabbing another. Next I reached for the scones, I pushed one past my lips and then another, until there weren’t any left. Bending forward I heard seams popping loudly, where the slip had been the tightest. I moaned in relief feeling some pressure subside. As I shimmed forward, crumbs bounced off my chest and belly, the fabric on the slip pulled so tight it was hard to move.That’s when I finally got a good view of what was in front of me, instead of my packed stomach eclipsing my view. Calida stood at the foot of the bed looking bewildered.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
She didn’t move, and her lips didn’t unfurl from their pinched expression.
I gingerly rested my hand on the convex curve of my stomach. My pointer finger drawing little French curves around my belly button. Miserable and wishing she’d go away so I could get comfortable.
She remained statuette.

“Not that it matters anymore, seeing as I took your character solos away, but why do you mess up Psyche’s character interlude? You do it on purpose don’t you?”

She looked down at her feet for a long time.
Finally her face returned to where I could read it.
“Psyche is a spoiled princess, I don’t like her,”
Calida stepped closer to me with defiance written in her body language.

I was too full and it would hurt to laugh, the edges of my lips quivered threatening to giveaway to laugher anyway. Calida was so strange.

“Psyche is the only heroine in their entire culture’s myths. Hercules, Jason, and Odysseus are all given quests, it’s part of their journey to becoming heroes. Psyche is the only woman in that cultures to be given a series of quests. Every other mythical woman is just an object won at the end of a quest. For example, Madea is smart and helps Jason but in the end she’s just another prize to be won along with the Golden Fleece.”

Calida folded her arms over her chest and inched closer.
“Psyche wouldn’t have to go on the quests if she hadn’t accused Eros of being a monster,” she retorted.

“Can you really blame her? The gods don’t exactly have a good track record with humans,” I squirmed uncomfortably.

“Cassandra and Apollo? If Psyche had taken off her blindfold to reveal Zeus it would have been a different myth entirely.”

Calida lowered her face down to mine. Her pointer finger drawing faintest lines on my belly. To my embarrassment I was so full I couldn’t suck in but I felt my tightly packed belly surge outward from contact. The expression on her face was not comforting.

“Psyche is a spoiled princess. I don’t need to hear your fancy excuses, I can decide for myself,” her twisted angry expression made me cringe.

“You think your opinion is better than mine? Inventing deeper meaning where there is none? Sitting on your fat rear all day reading, and now I bet you wouldn’t even fit in your old desk,” she started to jiggle my stomach. I groaned feeling sea sick. She was much more upset than I anticipated. I needed to remedy the situation fast or I’d see all the food I’d eaten for a second time.
“It’s her blindfold,” I groaned listening to my stomach slosh as she jiggled it.

“What,” she stopped jostling me around.

“You don’t like Psyche because she takes off her blindfold,” I repeated.

“Psyche is the word for the mind. Eros is the word for love. Psyche represents the human soul. Eros saves her and nurtures her. Psyche is protected by Eros. Similarly, being loved comforts and enriches the soul in a way nothing else can. Psyche’s blind fold symbolizes the vulnerability the mind has to accept to find love. She can only be with Eros as long as she wears the blindfold. When she takes it off it represents her doubts in him and breaks their trust. ”

I sighed, “you’re right, she’s spoiled.” Calida looked distracted so I shuffled further away from her on the bed.

She turned around so I couldn’t see her face any more and started to walk towards the hallway to her room. I felt relief washing over me. As I relaxed my stomach jutted out with a jiggle.

Then standing in the door way she turned back around to face me.
“You’re saying she’s spoiled, right?”

“She’s afraid of a future she’s blind to and a partner who’s intentions she will never fully understand, but the only way to have the comfort of love is to accept those uncertainties,” I shrugged. “But yeah she’s selfish.”

She froze in the doorway and I watched as more color flooded her cheeks. Her jaws and lips were rigidly pensive. In her eyes a flicker of humiliation was obvious. It burned from within her so brightly it couldn’t be masked.
“You remember, don’t you?”
“You messing up Psyche’s interlude? I think everyone does,” I groaned anxious to role over and get comfortable.

“No, you remember.”
“Remember, what?”
She didn’t answer me. She ducked into the hallway that lead to her room.