chapter 6

Hayley seemed nice, but I was still too distracted by last night's events.
Even though Emma was not yet 400 pounds, by the time we finished she must have been pretty close. I could not believe how much food my ex was able to stuff into her belly. And Tanya was feeding and "playing" with Emma most of the time because as she said, she had to show me how it is done.
My task was to keep Tanya "motivated". It was easy because whenever I felt the low, all I had to do was to look at Emma's fat body on the bed, twitching, moaning, demanding more food and I was as ready to "motivate" as ever.
Tanya was not just good at getting me off, she was good at getting everyone off. Under her skilled touch, Emma had at least ten orgasms.
I was trying to last as long as I could. In all honesty, if I am three times in a row, I would be out of commission for at least a day.
I would love to have ten orgasms without being drained until I would be withered like Sahara desert and then buzzing for a week with a sex flu. Don't ask me how I know what too many consecutive orgasms does to a young man.

We sat in the cafe, looking at each other and sipping our foamy cappuccinos. Hailey wore an oversized black shirt with her straight brown hair neatly styled to one side, held by a strawberry hair clip. Short black skirt, fishnets, and black heavy leather boots.

She raised her cup to her face and inhaled deeply.

I briefly panicked if I had taken a shower this morning or if I still smelled like a whorehouse. Although I didn't know how a whorehouse smelled, I had some ideas. Fortunately, I did, otherwise, this would be a short date.

Hailey smiled.

I smiled back.

"So," we both said at the exact same time, then we both chuckled.

"You first."

"No, you first."

This was quite pleasant. It was far from trying to keep a nearly 400-pound ex-girlfriend well-fed while at the same time trying to energize her wildly enthusiastic lover.

We kept silent for a few minutes.

"So," Hailey started again. "Your ex-girlfriend, she seems nice."

"Yes, she can be a handful." I spread my hands to prove my point.

Hailey giggled. She looked like she was going to say something, but then she shrugged and sipped her coffee instead. 

I glanced around. It was one of those bakery-type places. With organic sandwiches, cakes, coffee, even organic people. Unless some of the male customers were hard as a rock. Then they would be called inorganic.

"Would you like a cake?" I asked, to break the silence.

Hailey's eyes widened, she nodded, biting her bottom lip. She said "Uhmm".
But it wasn't just an ordinary 'why not' Uhmm. This Uhmm was drawled Uhmmmm.
It reminded me of Emma, after eating an entire cake and then being asked if she was still hungry. "Uhmm," she would say, her eyes closed. Essentially, it meant ‘Stop asking me stupid questions and give me more food. I am so full that I can't tell if I am hungry or not.’

I brought Hailey a slice of chocolate cake. From the look on her face, it seemed like she was pretty pleased with the direction our date was taking.
She dug into the cake with great enthusiasm. After she ate about half of it, she paused, looking at me for a few seconds, as if trying to remember why she was here.

"Do you," she began, then stuffed a hefty piece of cake into her mouth. "Uike uish-ush?" she finished.

I wasn't sure that I understood any of it. Most likely, it wasn't even English. My confused expression was enough for her to raise her eyebrows, wave her finger in a "wait" gesture while desperately trying to swallow the cake in her mouth.

"Do you like big girls?", she said again, loud and clear. Maybe a bit too loud. Two girls at the next table looked at us in shock. One of them could easily be considered big even by my standards.

The question surprised me, too. Was I in some sort of loop? If I’d say yes, will she say "Me too, can I have your ex's number?"
Perhaps it was just my luck. Maybe this was the type of girl I attract. Or maybe it was inevitable that every girl I've ever dated will eventually turn lesbian or at least bisexual because I totally suck as a boyfriend.

"I like all kinds of girls," I answered with an all-inclusive statement I learned from the 'How to talk to girls' article on the internet. I said it loud enough so that even the girls at the eavesdropping table could hear me.

But Hailey wasn't satisfied. "But do you-," she started as she was about to shove another heaping spoon into her mouth. I gently grabbed her arm, stopping the spoon in mid-air with her mouth still wide open. I was only afraid she would choke.

"But do you find big girls attractive?" she said, with a shy smile, quickly finishing the cake as I let her arm go.

If a fat girl asks you this, then you already know the answer. She wants to hear 'I find you sexy hot whatever size you are. Then she will eat like crazy and become super fat because after all you did say “whatever size".

However, if a thin girl asks you that, then this could lead to all kinds of alternate realities. Yes, and she may be appalled or delighted. No, and she may be joyful or upset.
‘Truth never hurts a just cause,’ someone important once said. I imagined Emma, looking at me, holding her fat belly in both hands. "Be honest, Josh. Does all this blubber makes you horny?"

"I find big girls very hot."

That was the short version. The extended version would be: ‘And the biggest ones are also the hottest’ but we were still only on our first date.

The large girl at the table next to us exhaled deeply. She was writing something furiously.

My strangely cute date chewed on her bottom lip, staring at me. She was actually very pretty. And she had those kinds of eyes where you could easily become lost and then you want to try to kiss her to see if she tastes as good as she looks. Or give her another cake. Or both.

"What if,” the pretty blue eyes traveled to the ceiling, looking for inspiration. "What if you start dating a normal girl, and then she grows really fat?" Her eyes returned back to me, patiently awaiting an answer.

"What if I just get you another cake and then we can discuss the details."



I came to our apartment really late. Tanya and Emma were still up. Emma’s raucous laughter could be heard from the hallway.

"Did you fucked?" Tanya asked me when I entered the living room. Her head was resting on Emma's giggling shaking belly. The table was cluttered with empty plates. A typical Wednesday night, when the bakery has a 2-for-1 sale.

Emma patted Tanya's head. "Let Josh be. He’s romantic."

Tanya laughed, "Oh yeah, he was so romantic last night that I had a serious issue walking this morning."

Emma covered Tanya's mouth. "I love you, baby, but sometimes you just talk too much."

Tanya sniffed and frowned, "Which hand is this?" she asked.

"Whoops.” Emma quickly removed her hand from Tanya's mouth. “Sorry.”

"It felt like I was licking myself,” Tanya said. “To be frank, it kind of made me horny." Her eyes slowly focused on me, considering some form of sexual favor, but then she decided against it. "Josh, you should invite your new girlfriend on Saturday. It's the big four-o-o celebration. Your ex is now in the lard breed class, so be polite."

"Congratulations," I said to Emma, but I wasn't sure how safe it would be to invite Hailey into this circus.

"Not yet, I am still about five lasagnas away from 400."

"And on Saturday you'll be five lasagnas over that," Tanya remarked. "Should I heat one now?"

"I guess."

Tanya got up and walked into the kitchen. As she passed by, she slapped me on the butt. "For a man, he has a nice ass," she mumbled as she entered the kitchen.

Emma was watching me, probably trying to read my thoughts. "She is a feedee, isn't she?"

"Your snooty-booty is a feedee?" Tanya's voice echoed through the doorway. "Tell her that I am going to make her so fat that she will forget her name. What was her name again?"

"Well, " I scratched my chin, "she ate four cakes in the cafe, then we went for ice cream, she had three. Then we got extra-large pizza, and she also ate half of my slices. So I don't know. It seems kind of normal for girls, no?"

"And then you two fucked," Tanya said, still trying to join the conversation.

"No, I walked her home," I said toward the kitchen.

"That is so romantic," Emma said happily, "Just like we used to-” She saw my sour face and stopped.

"And then you finally fucked," Tanya tried once more.

"No, I didn't, she is a nice girl."

"Wait," Tanya's head poked from the kitchen door. "You fuck only the nasty ones? Nasty bisexuals and lesbian fat cows, that is your thing? You are a real perv, Josh." She shook her head. "And how dare you call my slightly plump 400 pounds girlfriend a fat cow!" she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Do you like her? I mean Hailey." Emma asked, " Because if you want to get rid of her, then you should definitely invite her here. But if you happen to like her," she said, gesturing with her head toward the kitchen, "maybe you should reconsider."

Tanya just returned from the kitchen with a tray of family-size lasagna and a single fork. “Don't worry about me, I'll keep it civil. She could fuck anyone she wants, including me. What is her boob size? And how do you even know she is a girl if you didn't fuck?"

I sighed, "This is going to be a nightmare.”

I wasn't even sure if Hailey was my girlfriend. We did make out. And she was definitely a girl. Her hair smelled amazing, and when we kissed, it was mind-blowing, like a rollercoaster.
I reached into my jacket for the phone. Maybe I had a message from her. Yes, three of them. I also found a wrinkled napkin with a number and a crude drawing of a pig with the message 'Call me, oink, oink’.
That didn't look like Hailey's number. I shrugged. Probably some new viral marketing from a local farm.