chapter 3

Evelyn took some time to think long and hard about her predicament. She wasn't a specialist of psychology or psychiatry, she couldn't possibly diagnose herself, but she was extremely paranoid. She cleaned up the mess, and hid the groceries in the spots she had seen herself hiding them. She then deleted the videos from her phone of herself waking up on the couch and of “Tracy” and her shenanigans the night before. She felt that if she was going to have a chance at combating whatever this was, she needed to keep whoever that was wandering around late at night unaware that she knew about her existence. When she was done, she went on google and searched for psychiatrists in her area that could see her, and booked an appointment for the next day with a woman that had a background in personality disorders – Dr. Lydia Janikowski.

Evelyn did all she could to keep up her usual routine to not arouse suspicion in the event that Tracy remembered passing out on the couch and checked the videos on her phone. Sure enough when she awoke the next morning, her phone was clear of notifications and videos, but the cloud storage on her desktop app showed a different story. Tracy had wandered out seeming paranoid and immediately checked the videos in the phone. Convinced that she had somehow covered her tracks and not realized it, she smiled, flipped off the camera, and left – returning about an hour later with fast food back from McDonalds, Wendy's, and a couple of smaller local 24 hour locations. Again she stuffed herself like a voracious pig, again she masturbated on the couch while rubbing her belly, and again she watched as the evidence was cleaned up and discarded. Evelyn had also done a little digging. Her credit card statements didn't have extra charges. After digging through her wallet she discovered tucked behind her driver's license was a new card she'd never signed up for. It did however contain her information, and looking closer at her bank statements she realized that Tracy had been using it for the past few weeks and was paying it down from her joint account with her parents. That meant that not only was Tracy aware of her, but was intentionally exploiting her identity.

Fortunately, that afternoon she found herself in the waiting room at Dr. Janikowski's office.

“Hello, Evelyn?” the doctor said as she greeted Evelyn in a thick Eastern European sounding accent.

“That's me!” Evelyn replied, trying to keep the appearance of cheerfulness.

“Welcome, please come in - let's talk about the message I got about you...” she said, turning and heading back through the door to her office.

Evelyn sat down on a chair opposite Dr. Janikowski and for a moment the two sat in a very uncomfortable silence. She was nervous.

“So! Why don't you tell me a little bit about why you are here today.” the doctor began.

Evelyn explained that she wasn't sure what to make of it, but that she seemed to have a different self that was active whenever she went to sleep.

“Do you remember anything about these episodes?” Dr. Janikowski interjected.

“Well no, not at all. In fact, I was so confused about what had happened that I set up a ring camera to watch over my apartment and catch what was happening...and I discovered yesterday after several weeks, that the other me...Tracy...she was intentionally deleting the videos and hiding the evidence from me.” Evelyn explained.

“Hold for one moment. You have your other self on video?” the doctor asked, raising one eyebrow.

“Yes, and not only that, she's aware of me, she's hiding her activities from me..” Evelyn replied.

“Very interesting – please go on...what kind of activities is this other self engaged in?” Dr. Janikowski asked.

“Well...she eats...” Evelyn said sheepishly.

“Eats? Eats what?” the doctor asked with puzzlement.

“Everything. Anything. Doctor, I'm not a big woman, but I checked this morning. I've put on 20 pounds since I last weighed myself two months ago. My clothes are starting to get tight, I'm starting to notice the weight a lot more...” Evelyn said, her eyes getting misty

“So you're saying that this other self binge eats at night?” Dr. Janikoswki clarified.

Evelyn sank her head into her hands. “She eats all night some nights. It's always unhealthy garbage, and she stuffs herself silly with it. I noticed it when I started to feel ravenously hungry during the day, and then I felt the weight gain...she's...I'm ruining my body!” she said, breaking into tears.

Dr. Janikowski pushed a box of tissues across the table to her and she straightened up in her chair. “Evelyn, I would like to run some tests, I'd like to view your videos, and I'd like to talk a bit further, but before we proceed I'd like to make something clear.” she said, a very serious look coming over her face.

“I am a doctor. A medical doctor. I specialize in the brain, mine, and in personalities. We see movies, we see things on television that talk about dissociative identity disorders, or more commonly known – split personalities. I'd like to tell you that by all estimates most of these occurrences are not truly a split personality. In fact, less than 1% of the world is estimated to have true cases of dissociative identity disorder. I don't want to make a declaration one way or another with you based on so little information, but I will say that you are one of the more interesting cases that has walked through my door in a long time. If there is something to this, we will get to the bottom of it.” she said with a warm smile.

Evelyn knew she should feel somehow relieved, but she was terrified. A personality disorder? Her? How? Why? Was Tracy really a split personality and not some bizarre sleepwalking anomaly? The discussion continued for another hour as Evelyn talked about everything from her state of mind when these events occurred to how she felt about weight and weight gain. She did mention her mother and the insistence on staying fit, thin, and perfect. Dr. Janikowski took a lot of notes when she discussed that. Evelyn assumed there must be a link between the two. After the hour was up, the doctor viewed the videos on Evelyn's laptop and at one point had to stop herself from audibly gasping and scaring Evelyn further. As they were wrapping up the session, the doctor issued one word of warning to Evelyn.

“I'd like to see you again in two days, same time. I think this seems to be an occurrence with a fair amount of regularity, and I know the eating is a problem of course but it is not necessarily dangerous and life threatening behavior, so I don't believe that we need to hold you for your safety at this time. I will say this however: I'm not going to be billing right away, because I don't want a visit to the doctor to be visible on any of your bank statements with your co-pay, or visible on insurance records. Tracy has access to, and clearly checks parts of your life and identity. I'd also like you to be careful to cover your tracks checking these ring videos – make sure they are not something Tracy can discover, if she becomes aware that you are seeing a psychiatrist it may complicate matters, it may not – but let's try not to open pandora's box. Lastly, continue your daily routines as if nothing has changed. We want to keep whatever this 'other Evelyn' personality is completely in the dark if possible.”

Evelyn was scared at the sternness of Dr. Janikowski, but was glad that she was on her side and going to be helping treat her. She thanked the doctor and headed home. As soon as Evelyn was gone, the doctor picked up her phone and began dialing a number.

“Yes, Dr. McLean please...oh yes, hi doctor, I just had one of the most incredible cases of DID either of us have ever seen or heard of walk into my office today. I need you to clear your schedule and catch the next flight out here – I'm running the tests the day after tomorrow.”

As she hung up the phone, Dr. Janikowski looked down at her notes.

“Poor girl” she whispered to herself.

Evelyn went home with the feeling that someone had popped open a can of ginger ale and poured it over her brain. She felt dizzy, like she was going to pass out at times. The idea had struck her hard. Dissociative identity disorder. A split personality. Her. She went home and googled the condition. That didn't help. She didn't exhibit all of the possible conditions, but a few described her perfectly:

-eating and sleep disturbances
-amnesia and memory loss
-self-injurous behaviors (well, she was getting fat after all!)
-depression
-anxiety
-a disconnected feeling, which described perfectly how she felt waking up in unexpected surroundings

The most troubling line that she found was when she looked up treatments. There was no cure, and it could be a lifelong condition. Psychotherapy and talking through issues was the main way to attempt to gain some degree of control over other personalities, but it had a wide range of success and failure. Evelyn was so distraught that with tears in her eyes, she hopped down from her seat at the counter top, trod her way to the bedroom, flopped on the bed and cried herself to sleep.