America's fattest model

chapter 3

After feasting on pizza, bacon mac and cheese, and cake, Maddy changed into more appropriate clothes and followed her techie back to the main stage to meet up with the other contestants. She sank into her plush velour-covered seat and waited to find out how her competitors had interpreted the assignment. The cameras were already rolling. The judges filed in, with Mama Lu taking her spot last and grinning like a hungry hyena as she glanced from one competitor to the next.

“Did everyone have fun with their surprise assignment?” she practically purred. When the competitors groaned and complained - all in good fun, of course - she giggled. “It’s a new season, and a stronger competition. An important part of being a supermodel is being able to roll with anything, and sticking the landing on the first try. That means being well-behaved backstage, and bringing your best to the shoot. It also means being able to establish your brand, and knowing what does - and doesn’t - match it.

For today’s assignment, I asked you to sell LifeLess Diet Pills, a product that by nature goes against everything we stand for here on America’s Fattest Model. It’s a threat to our way of life, and to the fulfilled way we see ourselves. Diet pills are a relic from a flawed cultural past, where the evils of capitalism preyed upon generations of our ancestors by feeding them empty lies that they were never “enough” unless they lost more weight.” Lulu paused for dramatic effect, glancing at each competitor in turn. Then she broke into a grin.

“Obviously, they needed to gain more weight, just like us, am I right?!” Lulu grabbed at her rotund belly and shook the massive rolls for emphasis as the cameras zoomed in.

Maddy laughed, just like the other competitors did, but she couldn’t be relaxed or fully give into the moment. Her performance was playing through her head and she was analyzing what Lulu was saying against how she’d “sold” the product. If this was a test, she’d give herself a C. She could only hope the other competitors hadn’t figured out what was going on.

“Now, enough chit-chat! Let’s see how you all did, starting with… hmm. Jacob!” Lulu had the predatory smile across her face again.

“Oh, gods, not me,” Jacob groaned as everyone’s chairs swiveled to face the large screen. The clip began rolling, showing Jacob looking flustered and confused, as though he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. He was in a well-fitting evening suit that made his belly look absolutely gorgeous. He quickly recovered and tried to smile, but the expression still looked confused rather than confident.

“There’s only one way to look this good,” he finally said, giving the camera his signature Fuck-Me look, then holding up the tacky pill bottle. “LifeLess Diet Pills.”

It was a good start, but he followed it by looking off-camera to the director. “--Can we cut and regroup? I need some direction.”

The clip cut off there, and Maddy heard Jacob mutter under his breath, “That little bastard,” before the next clip started. This time Jacob was laying across a chaise, still in the eveningwear and with a rose between his teeth. He was giving the camera the horniest look he could, and he was so intense about it half of the competitors couldn’t help laughing. He took the rose out of his mouth and pointed it at the camera.

“Hello. I’m Jacob, the sexiest competitor left on America’s Fattest Model. Want to know my secret to looking this good?” He paused, walking his sausage-y fingers down his massive stomach, which was so big it was hanging off the edge of the chaise. He slid the garish bottle of pills out of his waistcoat pocket to the howls of the rest of competitors. If he hadn’t understood the assignment, at least he’d been funny about it. Jacob deadpanned into the camera while holding the pills under his chin.

“LifeLess Diet Pills. You’ll be the life of any party.”

Maddy was wiping tears from her eyes by then. The clip ended, but everyone’s seats remained facing the projector. From behind them, Lulu called out the next competitor.

“Nell!”

Nell’s spaced out expression filled the screen, hardly showing the rest of her body at all. Strategically placed tape had made her double chin basically disappear, and contouring had slimmed out the roundness of her cheeks.

“Hi, I’m Nell Stevens. You might know me from my work on Kill Kevin, or from my time on America’s Fattest Model. Well, I’ve got a secret to success right here for getting fat: LifeLess Diet Pills.” She held up the bottle, too close to the camera screen for anyone to actually read it. “You can go from looking like this, to like this.” She peeled the contouring tape from her chin as the camera backed away, showing Nell’s enormous body in a bikini that was little more than some string and rags holding on for dear life. With a final wink of the camera, the clip cut off.

“Maddy!” Lulu’s voice called. Maddy winced as she watched her own clips. The first one was awkward and directionless, and while the second one was biting, it didn’t have the humor that Jacob’s had. Her saving grace so far was that Nell had falsely advertised the product, telling consumers that it was to help them gain weight rather than to help them lose it.

“Finn!” Was the next one up. Maddy saw him flinch as his name was called. As he came into view he was breathing heavily and clutching at his chest, something he’d done both genuinely and ironically in nearly every episode of the show. It was no secret that Finn was pushing his body to the extremes with his weight, and that his health wasn’t fantastic. It was just part of life for the super-obese. On screen, Finn looked at the camera. Much like Maddy, he started with a question.

“Tired of being out of breath and exhausted all the time? I know I am. That’s why I’m starting a new diet regimine. I can eat whatever I want with LifeLess Diet Pills and still lose belly fat. Just one pill, and you’ll be on your way to a healthier life!”

The clip cut off.

“And finally, Hilda.” Lulu seemed to put a negative intonation on her name, but it might have just been in Maddy’s head. She was still annoyed about what had happened backstage, and bracing for what the judges would have to say about her sugar smoke usage thanks to the other competitor.

When Hilda came into view, she was wearing so many layers of shapewear she could hardly move normally. Her silhouette was shrunken down, making her look much skinnier than she really was. Hilda smiled at the screen, full confidence. Maddy’s gut clenched in pity, knowing this stupid girl was about to ruin her chance for redemption. It was like watching a car accident in slow motion.

“Hello, America. I’m Hilda, the skinniest competitor on America’s Fattest Model, and I’m even thinner than usual thanks to Lifeless Diet Pills.” She turned to the side, running a hand down her girdle-smoothed flat stomach. She still looked curvy, but she definitely looked way thinner than usual. Maddy wondered how she could breathe.

“With LifeLess Diet Pills, I’ve lost 100 pounds of pure belly fat, and I feel great! My health is better than ever and I’m light on my feet.” Now she broke out into a stiff dance. “I’m leaving all of my fellow competitors to wallow in the dirt and surging ahead with LifeLess!”

The horrid clip finally cut off. In stunned silence, the chairs swiveled around to face the three judges, all of whom looked absolutely livid. Maddy was torn between pitying Hilda and wanting to grab popcorn. From how the seats were set up she couldn’t see Hilda’s face, but she’d bet anything the competitor looked confidently smug despite completely misunderstanding the assignment.

“We’ll get to everyone, but let’s start with you, Hilda: what were you thinking?” Mama Lu leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand. There was a suspenseful silence. Maddy could just imagine the smirk dropping from Hilda’s face as she scrambled to come up with an answer.

“--I didn’t realize it was a trick,” Hilda finally said.

“That much is obvious.”

“I did what I had to do to sell the product.” Hilda’s voice held more confidence than it should have, considering how the judges were looking at her. Jasmine leaned forward toward the mic.

“What’s most appalling to me is that you didn’t just think critically about what you were selling, but the entire series of mistakes you made. You flaunted being the skinny one on a show that celebrates fat people, and you also very poorly attempted to look like you’d lost weight. It didn’t work, and it was also insulting to the audience and to everything this show stands for. Did you really expect us to believe you’d lost 100 pounds by putting on shapewear?” Jasmine was tapping her nails on the judge’s table like she was ready to go for blood.

“I– I–” Hilda stammered, unable to formulate a proper reply.

“And let’s talk about your behavior behind the scenes,” Mama Lu said. “Harriet, did you have something to say?”

“Oh, I’ve got a lot to say.” Harriet smiled like a toad. All of the judges were like sharks circling a crime scene. “Hilda, are you aware of how people usually greet each other after a month apart?”

“--What?” The question had thrown her off, but Maddy was covering her mouth to stop from laughing.

“It’s normal to say things like ‘wow, I’ve missed you, you look great!’ or ‘what have you been up to since the last time I’ve seen you?’ Those are how normal people greet each other. Can you tell me what you said backstage, to any of your fellow competitors?”

There was another long pause before Hilda hedged, “I don’t remember exactly…”

“That’s convenient,” Jasmine snorted while Harriet checked her notes.

“You told Finn his flaming gay personality wouldn’t be enough to get him the win. You asked Maddy about the tabloids claiming she was only at fashion week to snort sugar smoke. You refused to speak to Nell until she brought you sugar smoke, and then you threw it on the floor. What do you have to say?" Harriet skewered her with a displeased look.

"I don't ever take–"

"Before you continue," Mama Lu raised her voice to what was almost a shout, "There’s one final twist in this season of America's Fattest Model. We've had a change in corporate sponsorships. Our new sponsor is Ajay Corp, the maker of sugar smoke, a perfectly legal substance and no side effect proven drug that fuels the fattiest of appetites."

Maddy's jaw dropped hearing this news. It was a huge reveal. The majority of the downtime in the first part of the competition was sugar-smoke induced orgies funded by the show. They’d gleaned all sorts of gone-viral imagery for B-roll. Maddy was featured more often than not, her eyes glassy as she stuffed massive amounts of creamy foods into her mouth. It made sense for AFM to directly promote sugar smoke. But for Hilda? That was a mistake. Everyone knew what she thought about sugar smoke.

"The mini challenge earlier was a blind test to see how everyone reacted to the sugar smoke product without knowing they were being watched. We wanted to see how naturally eager everyone was for a product that falls completely in line with what we support here on America’s Fattest Model, so we can see how genuinely - or disingenuously - you’ll be able to sell this product through the remainder of the season.” Mama Lu wasn’t done talking, but Hilda got up from her seat.

“Where are you going?” Jasmine asked as cameras swooped in to capture Hilda’s face from every angle. The model sniffled.

“I screwed up, and I’m being voted off, so, yeah. I’m going to get my things.” She headed off-stage. Maddy’s jaw was on the floor once again. In the more than twenty seasons of America’s Fattest Model no one had ever walked off that she knew of. She turned her attention back to the judges, who seemed equally at a loss.

“...Why don’t we take ten and come back?” Mama Lu proposed. “For everyone.” She made sure to look at the camera crew. Maddy got up, following the remaining competitors to a side room where a techie was waving them in.

“Holy shit,” she gasped immediately, turning to the others.

“I mean, I knew she wasn’t long for this competition, but DAMN,” Finn laughed. “I’m just relieved she took the fall so the rest of us could still be here. I thought for sure I’d bombed it, and don’t get me wrong it’s definitely not my best work, but ohhh my god she could not have fucked up harder.”

“Ok, but did any of you know about the sugar smoke sponsorship? Nell, did you?” Maddy asked.

“The techies were the ones who gave me the tray, but,” Nell shrugged, not bothering to finish her sentence. She settled her bulk into one of the chairs to take a load off, and the rest of the group followed.

“All y’all sucked at this competition, but you have to admit I slayed it,” Jacob joked, batting his eyes and posing like a goody two shoes with his ankles crossed and hands on his knees. He got a round of laughs.

“You still tried to sell the diet pills! I don’t even want to hear it,” Finn laughed, swatting at his shoulder.

“And, I was nice to everyone backstage. I’m just saying,” Jacob added.

“We get it, you’re in the top,” Maddy joked before steering the conversation forward. “So if the majority of our competition today was done blind, that’s a hell of a change moving forward. I wonder if they’re hiding anything else.”

Jacob rolled his eyes. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. Like how we treat each other, or how we treat the crew?”

“I almost wish Hilda was still here just so she could bitch about how the stagehands treat her. Such commoners,” Finn mocked. Maddy giggled.

“God, it’s going to be so much more fun without her. I almost feel bad for how she left, but… no I don’t,” she laughed.

“Competitors back to the stage, please!” a techie called, interrupting their conversation.

“Aww, I was hoping to get a whiff of sugar smoke first,” Nell grumbled as they returned to their places.

“I’m sure there will be plenty of time for drugs later,” Jacob snarked before the lights lit the stage once again. Hilda was gone, and it was time to get this show on the road.
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