Chapter 9 - ceasefire

Overtime we both lost our drives to gain. April and I plateaued around 166 and 182 pounds respectively, and we began to pull away from each other. She wanted to immerse herself fully into food and fatness, but I was never ready to go as far as she wanted to go. And so, she felt more and more alone in her desires. The real world began to crash to the shore, and she drifted off into her sorority and into her classes. For my part, I began to realize that I never quite wanted to get bigger. I felt understood by April in a way I had never let someone know me before, and I followed that feeling as far as I could. But then our contest stress tested my drive to get bigger, and the difference in our desires grew ever apparent.

Eventually, we agreed we needed a week away from each other. I descended into my studies, and she absorbed herself in her sorority. At first, we both felt much better. I wasn’t forced to eat 24/7 anymore, I wasn’t constantly a disappointment for not eating enough, and I wasn’t forced to think about feedism at all times. She was no longer facing a greater social cost with each pound while feeling less and less loved by her one confidant, she was no longer feeling more and more alienated from the real world, and she was no longer living in a doomed fantasy. By day four, we were both independently certain that we were through with each other. We knew that our key link, our most secret desires, was too flimsy to sustain our relationship in a complicated world.

But I went out, and I met people, and I came to know that no one could ever understand me like she could. No one else had been beyond my defenses, and I needed to have her light in my life while I still could. And so I popped by the store and bought a few cartons of heavy cream. As I drank them, I felt full in a way that I hadn’t in a while; that reminded me of her. I began to feel her warmth in everything I ate, and I let myself become engulfed in it. If I was never to see her again, at least her love could stay by my side for awhile.

April felt relieved to live a normal life once again, but she couldn’t avoid the comments. Her sisters still would make coded comments about her chubbiness, and she was asked to be in group photos less and take the photos more. She thought that maybe it was time to lose the weight and reset the clock, but when she looked at her body, she couldn’t shake the lingering sense of freedom held in every inch of pudge pushing past her waistband. She came to realize that she couldn’t ever go back to her days of repression without damning herself as a failure. And so, she began to want our island of mutual understanding as well.

By the end of the week, two extra pounds bulged over my waistband. A blubbery beach ball revealed itself behind the taut fabric of my shirt beneath two ballooning moobs, letting all who saw me know that I had ate myself well into chubbiness and, if how bloated I was any indication, I would eat myself into obesity. I proudly wore my new chub everywhere I went, especially if that location happened to have food on hand. April saw me in the library cafe buying a muffin. Even her briefest glance caught my new girth. She found her way over to the register and caught my attention. “Do you have a table yet?” “Yeah.” “Let’s study together…” We made our way to a small corner of the library, and pretended to study for awhile.

Eventually I unconsciously began to stretch, causing my belly to spill out of my t shirt as I raised my arms higher and higher. I caught April’s eyes as I finished stretching and her face gave away her immense longing. I calmly said “do you want to study at mine” and she slyly nodded. As we made our way to my apartment her eyes became more and more transfixed by my gut. When we finally shut the door behind us, she immediately began to help me out of my shirt. We began to passionately make out while she clung her free hand to my belly and ran one finger along the surface. We fell onto the coach and became a tangle of hands rediscovering the shapes of our bodies.

She pulled back from the tangle to order me a pizza. And I pulled back to order her a bigger one. The delivery guys met at the door and we matter of factly paid for each one. When she handed me a slice I handed her one too. We ate while we cuddled and watched tv. At first we each handed the other each slice, but we soon began to become entrenched in our own independent stuffing sections. Slice after slice of greasy cheese slid into our ballooning guts. Somewhere along the fifth slice, my belly bust through the button of my pants as I reached for my next slice. After about slice seven, April preemptively unbuttoned her jeans and began caressing her tight belly. As we finished each pizza, we locked eyes. She took off her cardigan and her undershirt so we could both admire her engorged form. Her eyes then drifted upwards to me and took in my expansive belly. With great effort she climbed on top of me and unhooked her bra.