Chapter 3 - A small addition

~May 1, 2020~
My allergies seem to be kicking my butt this last week so I haven't been going for my walks on my breaks or out with Zeke as much. I don't like to take medicine so I've been trying to drink water as much as I can and pretty much only leave the house for school pickup or go to the store.

There are only about two restaurants still open in the area and Jason is bringing home take out tonight. Thankfully with working from home I don't really have to take time off when I'm not feeling well. I don't have a fever or any other sick symptoms, but I do feel a little queasy and nauseous at times. This isn't uncommon for me since I've destroyed my metabolism with past eating disorders and sometimes suffer from digestive issues. I guess we're going to see what food Jason brings home and how much I can keep down.

I'm 28 and Jason is 34, so he's a few years older than me but has always been tall (6'3") and thin (190lbs). He's one of those people that can eat whatever he wants so he doesn't pay attention to calories or carbs or anything. When I ask him to help pick dinner at home, I've had to "fix" some recipes so it's not as unhealthy. His body may be able to take it but for me the calories/carbs/butter will go straight to my stomach and thighs. Those 5lbs I gained while in office last year still currently cling to my soft stomach.

~May 13, 2020~
Over the last 2 weeks, my perspective changed and looks like my speculations were correct. I am pregnant! I scheduled a doctor's appointment in a couple weeks and I am beyond excited but also a little nervous. With my last pregnancy I wasn't able to get weight off my mind and my eating disorder brain kicked in often. My goal this time is to enjoy myself but not let myself go. I'm also starting off at a lower weight so I shouldn't be seeing any numbers like last time. At delivery I was 215 so I have a decent gap between where I was and where I'm at now.

I call Jason's sister-in-law, Mary, immediately. She was so thrilled she came over as quickly as she could. I showed her the 3 clearly positive tests. Her shoulder length hair bounced with excitement with the rest of her.

"I'm so excited for you two!" She squeals, hugging me tightly against her average built 38 year old body. Mary stood at 5'6", half a foot taller than me, with a very average body, probably about 160lbs. She isn't thin but not chubby, just a little extra weight around her belly and thighs. She has about B cup breasts and a rather average rear, which isn't uncommon for white women. I've always found this interesting considering Jason and his brother are Hispanic, which makes them stereotypically drawn to more curvy women. I'm white but have a little meat on my bones, especially in the hourglass department.

"Thanks, Mary! I'm so excited," I say, placing my hands on my belly.

"We need to get something to surprise Jason!"

We go to the mall and pick out a "brother-saurus" shirt and a "baby-saurus" onesie.

I pick Zeke up early and put him in his new shirt to surprise Jason when he comes home. He walks through the door and is confused why Mary is visiting. Jason put his work bag away and calls Zeke out of his room to greet him. Zeke comes running out, "daddy, I got a new shirt!"

Jason picks him up, reads the shirt with a shocked expression, and turns towards me. He hugs me, just saying "really? For real?" Mary takes pictures and congratulates us. We have to explain to Zeke what his shirt says to which he seems a mix of confusion and excitement. Jason wants to celebrate so we plan to meet up with Mary and his brother Abel this weekend for a celebration dinner.

At the celebration dinner, we go to a nice Italian restaurant. Jason orders multiple desserts at the end, telling me he knows how much of a sweet tooth I have and wants to make sure I get enough to eat. At this point I have already eaten a large serving of creamy pasta and am feeling quite bloated. I look down and can only see my large chest sticking out, but my hands can feel my food baby under the table. I try to be inconspicuous as I rub my belly, imagining what it will feel like this time and for how long my favorite medium dress will still fit. I make it through a whole dessert by myself and about half of another, not able to resist tiramisu and turtle cheesecake. Mary and Abel eat their fill and take some food home. I usually didn't like the taste of reheated food so I made sure to clear my plate. When Jason says he and Zeke aren't going to eat the rest of the cheesecake, reminding me that I don't like leftovers, I push my limit to finish it. My food baby at this point could NOT have NOT been noticeable. Pasta and 2 desserts scarfed down, bloating my belly again my black floral dress. I'm not even sure how I managed to eat that much considering I have been eating smaller portions lately.

On the drive home, the seat belt across my stuffed stomach is uncomfortable so I squirm, trying to unnoticeably rub it. Jason, however, does notice and says to lean the seat back, which I did, which leaves my stomach sticking up. Jason reaches over and puts one hand on my bloat. I feel a little embarrassed by my size but he just rubs with his thumb.

"You know, I'm happy for you, April. I want you to really enjoy yourself this pregnancy. I saw how little you ate and how meticulously you watched your weight with Zeke. You're growing a human and that requires food and will make you gain some weight."

"I know," I say shyly. "I've just been so conditioned into being conscious of my weight and feeling judged by it. When I'm pregnant, it's definitely a different mindset. I WANTED to eat last time, but I would feel gross and embarrassed since I was already heavy and was scared of being so unhealthy I lost the baby...."

"Your miscarriage wasn't your fault, babe," Jason lovingly says. When I was 18 I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks. It was bad timing and the father broke up with me before I even found out. I was in a dark place during and even more so after the loss. I felt like I did something wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have gained 15lbs (140 to 155lbs) so quickly or have eaten Taco Bell almost every day that summer between high school and college... But Jason is right. It wasn't my fault. But not losing the extra weight afterwards WAS my fault, which was the start of my snowball to 190. "So please, don't hold that against yourself. We have a beautiful son sleeping in the backseat and another beautiful baby gobbling up the tiramisu you've stored here."' He smiles as he pats my bump that isn't even from the baby yet.

"That's the pasta. The tiramisu is here," I say as I moved his hand to the lower part of my belly. I am so stuffed solid I'm not as squishy anymore and he cradles my bulge with his hand as he drives. We get home and I felt like I could only roll out of the SUV. Jason comes around my side to help me out. Hopefully this won't be a trend and I'll be able to get out of the car myself by the end of this pregnancy.

Last pregnancy I barely had any symptoms except for slight occasional nausea and fatigue. Besides adding sore boobs, now this time I'm getting a new symptom: being ravenous. Apparently it's uncommon to get so ravenous that it turns into nausea if I don't eat within 5 minutes.

Last pregnancy I was a little embarrassed and only kept track of my weight, but this time I'm going to be tracking all of my measurements, which I started doing this morning.

Weight: 158 lbs (+3)
Chest: 43" 34DD
Waist: 33"
Hips: 44"

Being short, it felt like my whole weight gain with Zeke went straight to my belly, and the only way it grew was straight out. I was quite massive with my engorged breasts that swelled from 36DD to 38DDD, and belly so big I could barely reach my navel, and that was even with gaining 25 lbs. And Zeke was born 2 weeks before his due date; I couldn't imagine how much bigger I would have been if he cooked longer. I guess we're going to find out if that was a one-time thing or if it's a trend with my pregnant bellies.