Chapter 10 - Premonition?

~Oct 14~
All of my doctor's appointments are still being pushed back. The offices are short-staffed but trying to stay on top of my appointments since I'm considered a higher risk with normally more frequent visits.

On Sept 23rd, at 25 weeks, I completed my glucose test. The orange sugar drink was just as disgusting as I remember and to the surprise of the nurse my results were negative for gestational diabetes.

Gestation: 25 weeks
Weight: 205 lbs (+50)
Chest: 47" 36F (+5)
Waist: 52" (+19)
Hips: 48" (+4)

My weight that week went towards my hips, butt, and belly. My boobs aren't as tender so maybe I'll be able to use this bra for awhile. I finally found my belly support, so I've been wearing it anytime I leave the house or need to get up for more than a couple of minutes. Work has been increasingly stressful with the holidays coming so I've been working a ton.

At 26 weeks I had another ultrasound. Babies are growing fine and the tech said they're measuring about 2 weeks ahead right now. My amniotic fluid has increased even more so that's adding a few pounds and a few inches. They tell me to come back in a month to check again.

That week I also had the pediatric cardiologist appointment. Thankfully, the doctor said baby girl's heart arrhythmia could most likely go away at birth or become a murmur. She doesn't have any heart abnormalities and she assured me I didn't "cause" it. She said family history or drinking too much caffeine can cause them, but my caffeine intake has tremendously lowered and therefore that wasn't a factor. That night, Jason, Zeke, and I went out to (over)eat in celebration. It's been our thing to try a new local restaurant every weekend now, sometimes even 2. I was feeling much more relieved, especially after a delicious meal!

Today I'm 28 weeks, officially in my 3rd trimester, and go in for some blood tests, one being my RH antibody screen. Apparently, the babies are each the size of a head of lettuce, but it looks more like 2 medium pumpkins. I'm wearing a long stretchy skirt under my belly band and a blue peplum maternity top (the kind with elastic under the chest and the bottom flows loosely). I'm not normally into something that doesn't stretch around the shape of my belly, but Jason bought it for me, saying I'll need the extra room. I'm also running out of choices at this size so I need to accept what I can find. I'm determined to not buy plus-sized clothing (XL doesn't count). I step on the doctor's scale backward, giving my belly more room.

Gestation: 28 weeks
Weight: 215 lbs (+60)
Chest: 47" 36F (+5)
Waist: 53" (+20)
Hips: 49" (+5)

Weight over the last 3 weeks has gone to my hips, butt, and belly and am officially as fat as I was at 38 weeks with Zeke. There were a few days there when I was suffering from a stomach bug Zeke brought home from daycare. Being sick once again slowed down my weight gain a little, but Jason's weekend boba drinks and overeating have made up for it.

The doctor measures my fundal height (the size of my uterus with a measuring tape) and says I'm measuring 2-3 weeks ahead, so expect the babies to come sooner rather than later since they're a little larger than average. He says he's going to keep monitoring the size of each baby and my amniotic fluid at my ultrasounds. He mentions at this point most twin pregnancies gain 2-3lbs a week with the babies packing on most of the weight. He didn't directly say anything about my own 60lb weight gain which is a sigh of relief, because right after my appointment I find the closest Taco Bell drive-thru and devour a black bean quesarito, 2 bean burritos, Nacho fries, 2 potato soft tacos, and 4 Cinnabites. During the nacho fries I realize my belly is uncomfortably against the wheel again. Reaching is increasingly difficult so I spread my legs a little and huff as I lean forward to reach the lever. One notch should be enough for now. I finish my fries, tacos, and pop the Cinnabites in my mouth, licking the cinnamon sugar off my fingers before crumpling up the bag. Both babies get very active suddenly, so I sit with my hands feeling their movements beneath my skin. It is a perplexing feeling knowing there are 4 feet and 4 hands kicking and pressing among my insides, but I'm enjoying this enormous baby bump.

I sit in the parking lot for a minute to digest. I feel the top of my stomach swollen against the bottom of my boobs from so much food. There's increasingly less room inside with the growing babies, making my breaths a little shallow when I'm stuffed so full. Sometimes larger meals are difficult, but other times pregnancy hunger makes my eyes bigger than my stomach and I eat like a high school boy trying to put on weight for football.

Some clothes are starting to get tight, which was why Jason bought me the shirt I'm wearing now, so I should get a couple of larger pieces ahead of time. I know with twins I'm going to be bigger than the average pregnant woman (I already am bigger than most at 40 weeks) so I need to plan ahead. I drive to the department store with the largest maternity section, put on my tight belly support, and waddle inside. I feel so many eyes on me. It's become such a common occurrence that it doesn't bother me anymore. I find a cute shirt so I hold it up against my front but I can tell it isn't long enough. Why don't they make all maternity clothes longer? It's not even like I'm tall. It takes me time but I'm able to find 2 size XL long maternity shirts, 1 pair of XL maternity jeans, and 2 pairs of XL maternity leggings. They don't have many maternity shirts in darker colors so I have to settle. Next I find 1 XL stretchy horizontal striped maternity dress with ruching on the sides. They don't seem to sell belly supports in larger sizes so I'll look online.

Even in October, it's 70-80° every day. The coming weeks should finally start staying cooler so I buy a long cardigan as well. I'm getting tired so I check out.

The convenience of the pandemic has made grocery pick-up an option, which I've been using more often. On my way home I park my car at the grocery store and have the chubby teenage girl put my order in my SUV. When she brings the little handheld to my window for me to acknowledge the pickup, I can tell she can't stop staring at my belly almost up against the steering wheel. Pick-up has helped me limit buying too many extras, but the problem comes when Jason logs into the account and adds his own two cents to the list, which usually includes desserts, ice cream, and extra snacks. During the last pick-up order he added four pints of ice cream, the kind only I eat. I know he's trying to make me happy, but it also seems like he's trying to fatten me up.

I really want boba before it gets too cold, so I stop at a drive-thru donut place and order 6 filled donuts and a blended honeydew boba drink. I munch on a donut on the drive home, and by the time I park 3 were already adding themselves to my weight gain. I burp and give my belly a satisfied pat. "Now that my boobs have stopped growing so fast, soon you'll be big enough for me to use as a table!" I was then overcome with sadness suddenly, thinking about my strained relationship with my father. Will my kids ever get to know their grandpa? Or cousins? I eat another donut, and another, and then the last one with sadness. Emotional eating has probably...no has definitely caused most of my recent gains.

With effort, I heave my bloated pregnant body out of the car and dust the crumbs from my shirt. I put my belly support on and bring the groceries into the house in 5 trips since I'm not supposed to lift more than 20 lbs. While putting the groceries away, I notice Jason slipped a couple things into the list again, including a family-size package of Oreos, a bag of crunch donuts, a whole frozen tiramisu cake, more pudding, and upped the number of veggie lasagnas I ordered, which has become my lunch most days. After putting everything away, I'm exhausted so I grab the bag of donuts and heavily plop myself down on the couch, lean my back on the armrest, belly sticking up. I lift my shirt and put a couple of the donuts on my bare belly. I take a picture and send it to Jason captioned "look what you're doing to me ;)."

I get my work done from the living room before school pick up and return home to make brats for dinner. I go all out with rosemary garlic mashed potatoes and add sauteed mushrooms and swiss cheese on my veggie ones. Jason's plate had 3 brats in buns with sides and I do the same since I feel pretty hungry. We watch TV as we eat like usual, and for once when I was done I was actually feeling full. Jason reminds me that I still have 1 more brat by bringing it over to me on a plate with more mashed potatoes. I puff out my cheeks, exhaling to prepare myself for being stuffed tonight. I finish the brat pretty easily, but the mashed potatoes are more difficult for some reason. I give two burps and pat my belly before finishing off the potatoes. I hand Jason the plate and tell him I can't move. He put Zeke to bed and came back out to the couch to give me belly rubs. The gentle touch of his strong tan hands is relaxing, almost hypnotizing as he relieves some of the pressure. I say I shouldn't have eaten that last plate.

"But you don't like leftovers, remember?" Jason says with a smirk.

"I know, but I should have only made 2 then. That was way too much food. That would have been 2 meals regularly for me. I don't know what has gotten into me since being pregnant but it feels like I need to eat a lot more than I used to."

"You said it yourself, you're pregnant so you DO need to eat more," Jason says. "You've been less stressed and I'm proud of you. You're taking care of yourself and our beautiful babies." He sees the tears welling in my eyes. "What's wrong? Did I say something?"

"No, it's just that work has been super stressful lately combined with me feeling like I failed Zeke during his time in the womb. I know he was born healthy, but I still feel like I didn't take care of him. And now I have two babies relying on me to take care of them and I can't help but feel like I'm failing and not providing them the family that they need...."

Jason stares at me as a finish my rant. "You're an amazing mother and you took care of Zeke the best you could. He's happy and healthy and was a wonderful baby and is a wonderful 3-year-old. Babe, I couldn't have asked for a better woman to mother my children. If I thought you were doing something wrong, I would have told you, or your doctor, or even Mary. Every woman's body is different, and every pregnancy is different. You're doing exactly what you need to do with this one. And just so you know, I already find you beautiful, but I also find you extremely attractive when you're pregnant." He reaches forward and puts one hand on my belly. "April, you are an amazing mother so please don't think anything different."

I whip my tears as he gives me a hug. He's such an amazing husband and father. When I think about it, we never concluded on how many kids we want to have so I take this opportunity to ask.

"However many you want."

"No," I say sternly. "You always agree with me but you've never given me a straight answer about what you want. How many?"

He thinks for a second. "Guys don't always think about these things. I honestly didn't know if I was ever going to find someone I cared about enough to have kids with. They were 3 of us growing up, and we were the smallest on both sides of my family. I used to think I wanted 6 kids, like my cousins, but that's also a lot for a woman to go through."

"Let's do it," I say quickly.

"What?"

"Let 's do it. Let's fill this house with kids."

"Are you sure? You think you'll be okay with your body after 6 kids?" Jason asks.

"Even if I'm not, I love being pregnant and how my pregnant belly feels. Zeke is such a great, handsome child, and we're not bad looking ourselves. So I'm more than willing to help give you the big family you didn't have growing up. As you know, I didn't have a lot of cousins or anybody to be close with growing up, just my brother."

"I only want this if you do," Jason says. "We can change our mind at any point. I'm not going to lie, the way you're leaning back with your big belly all sticking out the way it is turning me on right now."

"The sex this pregnancy has been incredible, too," I say. "You're going to have to help me up if you want any of this. Jason springs up quickly, puts one arm behind my head and one arm under my knees and lifts me up. I know he's hiding the strain he's undergoing and I tell him to put me down but he refuses. He carries me into the bedroom, helps me undress, and starts by rubbing lotion all over my belly and boobs. I feel so nice against my stretched skin.

We made love and then I had a dream about getting pregnant again immediately after having the twins, and again, and again, until I had 10 children. I was all big and fat and Mary approaches me asking me to be her surrogate. I startled myself awake, clutching my bloated midsection. Is this what my body wants? To basically just be a pregnant baby machine? And have I subconsciously been hoping that Mary asks me to be her surrogate?