Chapter 6 - I wasn’t going to say anything....

“Congratulations, you’re pregnant,” the doctor says as he enters the stale white office. I’m sitting on the exam table, one hand on my stomach, the other holding my husband’s, unsure if I want to celebrate so early. This happened once before last year then turned into heartbreak so I’m glad I was able to get an appointment so quickly. Mikhail is standing next to me and gives me a big hug.

It’s currently January 30th. Yesterday Sarah had an 8-pound baby boy at 38 weeks and tipping the scales at 275 as she told me. A literal 100 pound weight gain in just 9 months. I have so many numbers going through my head at this appointment, thinking about Sarah as my reference point. The nurse who took my vitals earlier read 150 pounds on the scale, meaning I’ve lost 4 pounds since the baby shower a couple weeks ago. I feel no difference with that small of an amount compared to how much I’ve gained overall. I’ve had nausea since which probably contributed to the loss, as well as gave me a good sign that the baby is okay. The doctor said all my vitals check out except my hCG ranges are very high so she’d like to do an ultrasound.

I sigh and lay back, the exam robe constantly swaying and exposing my soft body for her to judge me. My boobs are sore so I try to cradle them some as she performs a vaginal ultrasound. Neither Mikhail nor I are doctors so we don’t know what to look for on the monitor. The doctor is clicking away with one hand on the keyboard and the other steering the wand. After a few minutes, which felt like an eternity, and my disappointment and discomfort growing, she says, “I have news for you guys. You’re having twins.”

I stare at her in a stun lock. Mikhail’s mouth is wide open. She’s playing us. But then shows us on the screen 2 little blobs. She estimates me to be 6 weeks right now. She informs us as we’re coming back to reality that I’m high risk because I’m carrying multiples but gives me a list of what to expect, recommended weight gain and nutritional information to stay healthy, and warns us that I won’t be carrying them 40 weeks like a singleton pregnancy, so prepare for end of August right now. I’m going to have to come back in a few weeks to ensure the babies are growing, but the doctor says my prognosis looks great so far.

We drive home in disbelief, black and white ultrasounds in hand. Did I do this to myself when I told the Taco Bell worker I had kids? Because I would have gotten pregnant around that time. I’m trying to stay grounded, hoping that at least one of these babies has a heartbeat in a few weeks.

Jake moved the meeting to February 13th due to some scheduling issues. I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. I put on my go-to maternity dress pants and the stretchiest shirt I own. My boobs are full in my DD bra and yet when I crane my neck I can see my round belly below. I look in the mirror and turn to the side. There's no way I can be showing at only 8 weeks, right? Even with twins? It’s a strange thought still…having twins. I feel how firm and round my stomach feels underneath my recently acquired fat, but I had been actively gaining previously so my views are a bit skewed. The scale reads 150 still. I asked Mikhail to not try to stuff me until we hear heartbeats, which he said he'll oblige. He's given my stomach more attention, too, which I'm adjusting to.

I put on my blazer which makes my belly look more pronounced, more pregnant-like, the single button sitting firmly below my chest and the edges framing my swell. Mikhail isn't home so I take a picture and send it to him, cradling myself as if I was holding a proper baby bump. I take the blazer off and find a cardigan that will cover my body better. I eat 2 waffles with peanut butter before driving in.

Almost instantly, my beautiful plus-sized coworker, Megan, pulls me aside in the hallway. "Oh my goodness, girl! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" I say confused, pulling my cardigan.

"About THIS!" Megan quickly reaches forward, moving my cardigan and showing my stomach before I can process what happened.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about," I say, pulling it closed, looking around to make sure no one else saw. “I’ve just gained some weight lately.”

"I’m a big girl, Annie. Okay? I have noticed you’ve gained a little weight every meeting, but THAT is a baby bump. I thought you wanted to be pregnant? Are you not excited?”

“I do, and I am… I’m just not ready to tell anyone. It happened so fast. I thought I had more time before I’d start showing and all…”

“How far along are you? You have to be a few months by now.”

“Well….” I proceed to reluctantly tell her about “the stuffing method” we were using, which explained my constant weight gain, then told her I was 8 weeks pregnant, omitting the “with twins” bit until I know they were both well.

“That’s interesting. I never heard about that, but I’ll look it up. Not that I’m trying to get pregnant or anything; just for future knowledge. It obviously worked, but are you sure you’re only 2 months along? My older sister has had a few kids, and I know you’re short, but your belly looks, well, much bigger.”

“I have another appointment in 2 weeks. I’ll announce more info after that. Need to make sure you all are prepared to pamper me and be without me for a few months later this year when I’m on leave.”

“I’m so excited for you. Please keep me in the loop. Congrats. I hope you weren’t offended by what I said. Your bump is just bigger than I expected so early but it’s adorable on you. I’ll be the first in line to pamper you here.” Megan briskly walks to the break room, grabs one of the donuts for break later, and shoves it in my hand. “Starting now. Need to keep you fed.” Megan gives my belly a little pat, which sends electricity down my back. Is this what it’s going to be like the next few months when someone touches me? It’s a mix of embarrassment from gaining so much weight already but also excitement for growing a baby bump and eating whatever I want.

I tug closed my cardigan to make sure no one else notices my body today. I caught smirks and glances from Megan during the meeting but thankfully that was all. Jake changed up the schedule today to keep it shorter by sending us on a smaller break first and dismissing us early so we had more time to mingle. I sigh, unsure if anyone else is going to notice or say anything, but my conversations while snacking on donuts tell me if they did, no one said anything. I talked with Jake to catch up since he went on a short vacation last week. He got to escape the Midwest and visit Costa Rica so he eagerly showed me pictures. The ones that stood out to me the most were of his thin beautiful wife in swimsuits with sunsets behind her, and I was surprised to see my boss shirtless with his growing potbelly on display. “Sorry,” he’d say as he’d flip past those more quickly. Clothes help hide his figure, but now I can’t unsee just how big his belly really has become, not that I’m one to talk.

Jake made sure I took the remainder of the donuts and fruit home. As I’m pulling into the driveway my watch notifies me I have a text from Jake. I quickly pull out my phone, thinking I forgot something. It read, “I wasn’t going to say anything, but it looked like you really enjoyed the donuts today. They’re from my new favorite place 2 blocks away from the office. Wanted to share that with you in case you wanted more.”

Fuck. I really did eat more than usual. Was it 5? That’s more than I usually have at work, but they are really good donuts and I was distracted talking to everyone and not feeling so nauseous that I must not have fully processed. I send him a thank you text, trying to not be embarrassed that my boss noticed me pigging out, and prepare for Mikhail to feed me the rest of these pastries. I feel my belly graze against the steering wheel as I turn to get out of the car. I didn’t notice how bloated I am until this moment. I come through the front door and Mikhail greets me from the couch, encouraging me to relax next to him. I put the boxes on the coffee table before sitting with his arm around my shoulder. He reaches over to put his other hand on my belly, giving it a little rub. We watch a show together before he gets up to grab us both a drink.

“I thought for sure you’d be forcing me to eat those by now,” I say.

“You said you didn’t want to stuff until you’re comfortable so I wasn’t going to press it.” Mikhail hands me a bottle of iced tea and sits back down. “But, you know, if you want to eat them, you obviously can.”

“It feels weird when you are not encouraging me. My weight conscious brain kicks in when I try to tell myself to eat. I guess that’s why I’ve only lost a little weight so far.” I put my hands on my belly, soaking in how right Megan was about my being big for 8 weeks.

Mikhail reaches over and grabs the box. He opens it and hands me a donut before taking one for himself, too. “I’ll eat a little with you. You shouldn’t be the only one enjoying this pregnancy.”

“I love you so much.” My eyes water from hormones and feeling loved. Mikhail just understands me so deeply. We’re physically opposite from each other and yet we’re the definition of opposites attract. We watch tv and I manage to eat 8 donuts, one for each week along I am. I know Mikhail is still going to workout and stay fit, just willing to loosen up a bit to help me. My belly looks at least another month along now which merits attention from my loving husband of course. He brings me milk, which I down and thank him for. I could get used to being pampered.