Lonesome valentine

Chapter 2

“Ha! Valentine’s Day! What a stupid holiday,” Bruce said as he slammed his car door and started heading for the store’s entrance. “It’s not even a real holiday; it’s just a stupid fake holiday made up by the candy companies to sell more candy.”

As he pushed his way through the front door, he lumbered his way over to the carts and began wheeling around, up and down the aisles, grabbing all of the snacks and treats he could get his hands on. “All these dumb suckers out here, buying their girlfriends jewelry, taking them out to expensive restaurants, paying exorbitant amounts of money for some stupid bouquet of flowers. Such a rip off!”

Bruce huffed and puffed as he made his way through the market, his heavy gut weighing him down as he pushed his shopping cart along. It didn’t take much time for him to accumulate a rather large pile of goodies in his cart, and just when he thought he was ready to check out, a thought occurred to him: “Ice cream! I’ve got to get ice cream!”

Making his way over toward the frozen foods section, he noticed from afar a rather attractive looking woman. She was plump and curvy, and her hair was tied up in a cute little bun at the top of her head. As he got closer he noticed that her cart was loaded up almost as full as his own, maybe even fuller. “Wow, what a woman,” he said to himself before quickly turning his attention back to the matter at hand. “Ice cream! I’ve got to get some ice cream.”

There were so many choices. In truth, he wanted to grab all of it. “I’m such a greedy fatty,” he thought to himself, imagining what it would be like if he actually did grab all of the ice cream in the freezer and didn’t leave any for anyone else. He imagined how gigantic he would be if he actually attempted to eat all of the ice cream in the store, how his guts would churn inside of him as he rolled around the floor like a massive gelatinous blob. He thought about how gooey and sticky his face and his hands would be from diving in face first and eating every last bite of ice cream as though he were a pig at a trough. “Yeah,” he thought to himself, “that would be amazing!”

Just as he was thinking this, he reached into the freezer to pull out a tub of ice cream, and as he turned around to put it in his cart, he was shocked to find himself belly-to-belly with the beautiful lady he’d been admiring just minutes before. They were so close in fact that they nearly knocked one another over with their giant protruding bellies.

“Oh, excuse me,” said the woman, “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh no,” Bruce answered, “it’s my fault. I gotta watch where I’m going — you know this thing has a mind of its own sometimes,” and he pointed to his big belly sticking out in front of him.

“Tell me about it,” the woman responded, gesturing toward her own impressive girth, “I can’t even walk through my house without knocking everything over with my belly and butt as I walk by.”

“Yeah, I’ve been there,” Bruce answered. There was an awkward pause, and Bruce wasn’t sure if he should continue to chat this lovely lady up or leave her be. Fortunately for him, the woman made her desire to engage clear as day.

“How is that flavor?” she said.

“I’m sorry?” Bruce replied quizzically.

“The ice cream,” the lady responded, pointing to the cardboard tub that Bruce held in his hands. “How is it? I haven’t tried it yet.”

“Oh, this,” Bruce said, “I haven’t tried it either, but how bad can it be? It’s ice cream.”

“Good point,” the lady said with a pleasant smile, “I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a bowl of ice cream that I didn’t love.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a bowl of anything that I didn’t love,” Bruce kidded. They were both laughing and smiling now, and it seemed as though right there in front this open freezer door, the proverbial ice between these two strangers had indeed been broken.

“My name’s Rebecca,” said the lady as she extended her right hand.

“Bruce,” replied the gentleman as he took her hand in his and shook it delicately. The two of them then proceeded to talk about their favorite ice cream flavors, their favorite pizza toppings, their favorite pizzerias and burger stands in town and so on. Then they started comparing the items that they each had in their shopping carts. In time they both started walking along together as they fetched a few of the last minute items that they had managed to tempt one another with. As they did, they continued talking and they discovered that not only did they have similar tastes for food, but also similar tastes in music, movies and literature.

“So be honest with me,” Rebecca said as they were preparing to finally make their way over to the check out lines, “is all of this food in your cart actually for you, or do you have a family of nine you're trying to feed at home.”

“Ha!” Bruce chuckled. “No wife, no kids. I live alone. Not only is all of this for me, but I am most likely going to eat almost all of tonight.”

“Really?” Rebecca said, her pretty eyes growing wide. “You mean I’m not the only lonesome Valentine without a date tonight who’s going to go home and eat their blues away?”

“Apparently not,” Bruce answered, surprised to hear that this pretty lady didn’t have a sweetheart at home waiting for her.

They each went through the checkout line and paid for their items, each of them spending over three hundred dollars for their respective hauls. As they made their way out to the parking lot, pushing their overloaded carts in front of them, neither one of them felt as though they were ready to say goodbye to one another.

“Listen,” Bruce said “I honestly never do this —”

Rebecca stood waiting with baited breath, hoping that Bruce was thinking the same thing that she was. “Yes?” she prodded, trying to keep her cool as she stood there beside this handsome stranger in the middle of the supermarket parking lot.

“Well,” Bruce stammered, “since we’re both planning on dining alone this evening, I was thinking that – maybe we could eat together.”

Rebecca was anxious to say yes, but she hesitated. After all, she really didn’t know this guy. They’d only just met, and even though he seemed like a very nice man and they obviously had a lot in common, she worried that she may be getting ahead of herself and that if she wasn’t careful she might do something that she would later regret.

“How do I know you’re not some kind of serial killer or something?” Rebecca said, mostly joking but also somewhat serious. “I mean, I’ve only just met you.”

“I’m not a serial killer,” Bruce said with a smile, “just a fat guy who likes to eat.”

“Hmm, I’m not sure if I should,” Rebecca said, looking up at Bruce’s kind eyes and hoping that she wasn’t hurting his feelings.

Bruce then started rummaging around through the dozens of grocery bags that were piled up in Rebecca’s cart. He pulled out a large and beautiful hunk of cheese that Rebecca had selected from the dairy section earlier that evening. “I swear,” Bruce said, “on this beautiful chunk of smoked gouda that I am a man of honor and that absolutely no harm will come to you if you come to my house and spend the evening chowing down with me.”

Rebecca then looked up at Bruce with a smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes, then she sighed and said, “You just had to go for the gouda, didn’t you?”