Chapter 15

Weeks later, Gavin was at work, staring at his computer screen. The caret was flashing on the email he was drafting, it’s little white vertical line blinking, urging him to continue.
He tented his fingers and brought them to his lips and looked away, out of the window, lost in thought.

The sunshine coming through the window looked different to him now. But of course, it would. Gavin was in a new office building in a different area of West Hollywood. In fact, everything was new ever since he had returned from his trip by train through Europe.

He had quit his old job and took up a position with a new firm that suited his abilities in every way. He had already made tremendous headway.

His memory rewound to the conference he had attended. The contacts he made, the information he had learned. He closed his eyes and smiled at the best part of his experience…

What happened on that train between he and Jackie had felt like a dream, yet he knew it was not. Gavin was sure it was one experience that he would never be able to live up to again.

But something in him knew that what he and Jackie had shared, had awoken something within him. Something that had lain dormant, nearly forgotten, buried deep within his psyche; and all he had needed was for the right person, a goddess like her, to unlock it for him. To show him the way.

His thoughts trailed back to that night in her bedroom. Flashes of scenery blurred past his eyes.

His body. Hers.

Soft flesh meeting hard muscle.

Gavin opened his eyes and inhaled deeply and swore he could almost detect her scent in the air. Could real life ever be as exciting at that fantasy she had helped unlock for him on the train. Would he, Gavin, forever be tortured by blurring the lines of fantasy and reality?


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“Jackie, that was incredible. You’re incredible.” Breathed Gavin, who was now laying back, panting.

“Well, you’ve been a good boy this evening and I’ve been having most of the fun.” She said from below his waist. They had made love several more times, each more intense than the last.

She crawled up the few inches from below him, wiping the corner of her mouth with a delicate finger as he made room for her in the crook of his arm. Even as he began to feel himself go soft, his body still burned for her, and he shifted his hips appreciatively.
Jackie had unlocked something carnal within him. He did not fully understand it, but he knew this woman was unlike any he’d ever been with before and would likely ever be with again.

She seemed to sense his mood change.

“Feeling a little melancholy?” she said in his ear, tracing a finger along his jaw, down his neck and across his broad chest.

He was staring at the ceiling, then looked over into her honeyed brown eyes. “Yes and no.”

Jackie turned on her side, propping herself up on her elbow. He continued. “I feel like we have known each other for a hundred lifetimes. My mind is having difficulty focusing on the present as well as the future.”

“What we have done is left an imprint on each other, Gavin.” She said, “one that doesn’t live here, but here.” She first pointed to his head, then to his heart.

“You discovered within yourself an openness and passion that we have simply only scratched the surface of. And I am glad I was able to share that experience with you.”

He nodded and swallowed.

“Our minds have a tendency to focus on current circumstances, but it is important to remember that they don’t define our entire future. I have no doubt that our experience—this experience—will truly allow yourself to be free to embrace many, many new possibilities.

As she spoke, Gavin felt an ease wash over his body. A calmness that had nothing to do with the post-coitus comedown that follows sex. This was different. Jackie was different.
They said nothing for a spell and took each other in, savoring the moment. Laying sidelong covered with a bedsheet, her curvy body looked like snow-covered mountains and valleys. One heavy breast remained uncovered. It shone with health and her breathing caused it to rise and fall rhythmically. Gavin took in her neck and followed the soft lines to her cheeks and face. To the beautiful lips that tasted of one hundred good things. He then took in the lines of her nose and finally to her eyes, which held his gaze.

Would he ever be able to fully express to Jackie the gratitude he now felt for her, for having rediscovered a piece of him that had been buried in his core? Her honeyed eyes seemed to take his ice blue ones and he could feel them begin to melt.

He felt her hand reach out and wipe a tear that had formed in the corner of one eye. Not a tear of sadness, nor of happiness. But one of understanding and being understood. She blinked a few times, her eyes registering his emotions.

Gavin leaned over and kissed her, transferring everything he could not put into words into the gesture. Moments later, message received, they each drifted off into a dreamless sleep; aided by the rolling of the train.


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There came a knock on the outer door of his office.

“Hey Gav, it’s five o’clock. Quitting time. The guys and I are off to spin class for a ride. Got your gear?”

Gavin smiled at the man, his new boss, Quintin and nodded to the corner near the door. It was a black duffle bag, and his riding shoes could be seen, peeking out from the side zipper.

“Great. Catch you down in the lobby in five. We’ll walk over.”

Gavin watched the man retreat and looked down at his computer screen to the email he was drafting. It was an email to Jackie. Even though their time on the train was brief, they had decided not to exchange contact information.

Still, Gavin being a writer, he had felt the gesture of writing the email cathartic, even thought there would be no sending address to receive it.

He locked his computer and grabbed his gear, shutting off the lights as he went. His thoughts turning to exercise, he met his fellow team in the lobby, and they emerged from the airconditioned building into the hot Los Angeles sun.

Within minutes, they had arrived at the studio Gavin knew well. It was the building where he and Danny had shared many an experience. Even though he had been back for weeks, he had not seen her since and his memory for her began to fade. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Dressed and changed, he and his fellow team had emerged from the changing rooms and walked into the riding studio. It was on a different floor than Danny’s but the layout of the room was similar. A male instructor was on the center stage, affixing a microphone to his ear, a remote control in his hand. The class was mostly full, and Gavin and his fellows were spread out. It did not matter to Gavin, as he walked between lanes, the light dim, a blue-black. Nearly all the riders were in shadow, and Gavin spied a vacant bike. He passed a few riders and caught a familiar smell, but he couldn’t register where he knew it from, for he was now focused on the imminent riding experience, and he planned to go hard. As hard as he could go.

“Okay, riders! My name is Zach and it’s TIME. TO. RIDE!” said the instructor as he mounted his bike. He motioned for the riders to do the same and 30 pairs of legs took to their pedals as the bombastic base kicked in. Gavin mounted his bike, his powerful legs ready. His mind was focused, and he let the rhythm take him over.


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“And Time! Great job, riders! You should all be very proud of yourselves today.” Came the familiar refrain at the end of class as Zach, his hands now off the handlebars of his instructor’s bike were in the namaste pose.

The riders followed suit, joining their hands. Zach parted his hands in a farewell wave and the class began to dismount. The lights in the room were still low; but lit enough for people to see where they were going. A few neighboring riders high-fived each other while other greeted friends by sight with a nod.

Gavin caught the eyes of his fellow coworkers. One of them made the gesture of drinking an invisible pint and Gavin nodded. He mimed wanting to wipe down his machine and towel off and his coworker nodded as the class began to file out.

As Gavin reached for his towel, he became aware of a smell in the air. The same smell he had noticed when he had walked through the nearly full class to find this bike. But now, he recognized it. It was faint, but one he knew very well. It was that of coconut and vanilla. But it couldn’t be…

He turned his neck a few degrees and, even in the dimness of the room, he saw her profile, standing there a few feet back.
She looked apprehensively up at him and waived briefly, though her hand barely passed her waist. “Hi…Gav.”

It was Danny.

He nodded, but his body language made it clear that he wasn’t going to be sticking around for a chat. He recalled the scene they had last shared together. One that culminated with a shoe being thrown in his direction.

She took a step forward, coming a little more into the light and he stared.

She had the same petite frame, and her hair was tied back in a ponytail, held in place with a black headband. She had her hands folded in front of her. Held in front of her…belly.

Danny saw his eyes sweep over her from her face to her abdomen and back to her face.

She took another step forward, “Yeah, I know. I look a little different.” She held out a hand to touch him, but then thought better of it.

Gavin turned, towel still in hand. Some of the reservedness he held for her melted slightly as he waited for her to say whatever she felt she needed to say. His eyes flicked up and over her shoulder towards the door and she turned. He was looking at the clock on the wall.

“Look, I’ll be quick.” She took another step forward. “I was a shit. A prized shit—for doing that to you. It was childish and I lost my head completely and I have been looking for ways to make amends.”

Gavin said nothing for a moment.

“How did you know I was riding here today?” He said, some of the coolness still in his voice.

She made a gesture with her face, “I checked the roster. Saw your name. I’ve been seeing it for weeks since you got back from your last trip. But I didn’t know what to do, or how to say what I want to say to you. Until now.”

Then comprehension dawned on him. As he was entering the class and found a vacant bike before class, he’d passed her. That was the smell he couldn’t immediately register.

“I took the class too,” she said, though that much was obvious to Gavin now.

“I’ve been taking a few extra classes lately.” Her hand unconsciously gestured to her waist again and this time Gavin noticed a change had happened.

As she stood there in the light, he noted the contours of her waist were no longer smooth and flat. Rather, she’d grown softer around the middle. His eyes darted to hers and went slightly wide.

“Don’t worry. I’m not pregnant. I just got a little fat.”

She looked around the room and noted that they were among the final few in the room, everyone else was near the door, deep in their own conversations.

She took a chance and pulled down the high-waisted biking shorts she wore to reveal a rounded stomach devoid of any muscle tone with a set of softer hips that had replaced her hard bony ones.

“This is what twelve pounds of disaster looks like.” She blushed slightly and despite himself, Gavin felt his manhood stir, unbidden.

“What happened?” He said, relieved she was not carrying and took an unconscious step forward.

“Well, after I—I did the thing…I went home and lost it. Had a big girl tantrum. I cancelled all my classes last minute for a week. Then I cried my eyes out. I knew it was all my fault and that you have always treated me with respect and kindness, but I was not ready to admit that to myself. So, I became morose and just ate and drank for days. And kept eating and drinking. I’ve only been recently reinstated, but I’ve been put on probation until I can get my shit straight."

She looked up at him and even though her eyes were slightly watery, she was still beautiful.

“Then I saw your name on the roster and I thought…that maybe…if we talked, that you might know how sorry I was, and still am.”

She opened her arms to him, and she embraced him, despite his arms still being at his sides. Gavin felt some of the rigidness soften and he moved his arms slightly as she buried her face in the side of his strong torso. Gradually, he put his arms around her shoulders as she sniffled and heaved a few times.

“I, hey—” he said, as a fresh set of genuine tears steamed from her eyes. “I wasn’t exactly a prince and without blame, either.”

“Gav, will you take me back? I know we can work it out. We are right for each other.” She said through sobs.

He wasn’t sure if this was a great idea, but then he heard Jackie’s voice come into his head.

“What we have done is left an imprint on each other…” She had said, “you discovered an openness and passion within you…our minds have a tendency to focus on current circumstances…they don’t define our entire future…allow yourself to be free to embrace many, many new possibilities…”

Maybe it was instinct, but Gavin found his hand travelling from Danny’s back to her side, to her stomach. She stared up at him and he down at her. He could feel the heat coming off the soft, swollen bump.

“I know, I’m a horrible pig.” She said, slightly recoiling.

Gavin felt his hand press into her abdomen, allowing his fingers to splay across the larger belly.

“You know, I wouldn’t go that far.”

She looked down at his waist and saw him beginning to bloom from underneath his bike shorts.

Her eyes flicked up towards his and she bit her lower lip. She ran her fingers along one strap of her sports bra and Gavin saw the nipple nearest imprint itself against the fabric.

She tilted her head slightly, one eyebrow raised. “You know, even though I am on probation, I still have my studio upstairs…they have me teaching an introduction class in less than an hour…”

Gavin’s thoughts went back to his time on the train. ‘Time to embrace new possibilities…’

Danny ran a finger along the side of his hips, noting him continue to stir. Not sure if he had heard her, she repeated herself. “I still have my studio upstairs…they have me teaching an introduction class in less than an hour…” She bit her lower lip, adding. “Want a…quick ride?”

He looked down at her and said, “how about a slow one?”

Danny smiled coyly and they walked out of the classroom, the final two.

Gavin brought up the rear and as he made to turn off the lights added, “Hey, I was thinking of taking Amtrak this weekend. When’s the last time you had dessert on a train…?”

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