Chapter 2

I returned to school for junior year, quit the gym (but not the drive through, lol) and began to indulge. The college dining hall is an all you can eat buffet, but I felt kinda embarrassed eating around my friends, so after class I’d go to a nearby dining hall so I could stuff myself anonymously. I’d choose the most fattening things on the menu, get extra dessert, and hide a few snacks in my bag for later. I was eating more food than I ever had before and had no idea how my body would respond. I always thought I had a fast metabolism, but the weight came faster than I expected. Half way through the quarter I’d already gained more than the 10 lbs I’d planned. While eating, I’d think about how all the calories would be turned to more fat on my belly and thighs. It felt incredible, like nothing else I’d ever experienced.

That first quarter of junior year was kind of a blur of fattening food and shrinking clothes. How I passed my classes I don’t know cause I found it really hard to focus. I’d go back to my dorm room after dinner, stand in front of my mirror and explore my body, while snacking on the extra treats from my bag. I had a bikini pic from freshman year in the corner of the mirror. One of my friends noticed it and I said “it was motivation cause of my weight” lol. I loved to compare and see where each new pound had gone. I don’t know why, but if could see or feel that my body had changed, it felt amazing. I realized that I was more excited by this than a number on a scale.

I moved out of dorms and stayed at a friend’s place over the holidays while she was out of town. It was great to have a proper kitchen and the freedom to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, without anyone to judge me. I don’t always eat like this, but got a bit carried away. I’d drive down to the boardwalk and buy deep fried Twinkies, churros, funnel cakes, or corndogs, and stuff myself in my car while I watched people working out. I was kinda embarrassed to go to the store for all the ice cream and snacks, so I’d go to different stores and use self checkout. I really love breakfast, so at home ate piles of pancakes and lots of milkshakes. I turned 21 and was obese with a bmi over 30. I thought being obese would feel bigger than it did, but I had to get some new clothes. I was now in a size 12 pant.

By spring break I had over 1000 followers on Feabie (see pic) and it was kinda overwhelming. I took a break online, but put on more weight as the months went by. Late night studying, irregular sleep, partying, the dining hall, and I hadn’t exercised in months. Everything was nearby, I caught the shuttle to class, and drove everywhere. I knew I was getting really out of shape. I don’t know why, but I hadn’t expected the weight to affect me so much. I’d always been quite fit, not like a competitive runner, but would regularly run 5k. I really needed to start exercising again and went out to the trails in the forest. It was a shock. I probably started out too fast, but a few 100 m and I was done. Running was so uncomfortable, everything jiggled, and I was hot, dizzy, and so out breath I had to lie down. I decided I should start doing yoga instead.

Summer after junior year I was hired as a Research Assistant and also got a part time job in a restaurant, so thankfully didn’t have to go home and deal with my mom. I stayed at my friends place again while she was back home. The RA job was mostly desk work, but it was exhausting being on my feet at the restaurant. I was kinda surprised that I still made good tips given that I wasn’t thin anymore, and used the extra money to buy myself lots of treats. Up to about 200 lbs I kinda think that I just looked like a softer version of me, but as more weight came, my shape started to change. Changes never seemed fast, but every few weeks I was able to see or feel that my body was different.

Senior year is busier than ever and I have begun to feel fat, not just chubby. My belly has two big rolls when I sit and has started to hang over the waistband of my pants. It’s probably my favourite thing since getting fat. My body and especially my thighs are fat all over and covered in dimples. Everything jiggles and moves as though I’m made of milkshakes. Kinda truth lol. Though I do have a thing for tres leches cakes too. My face is getting chubby. It’s the one thing I’m not sure about. I’d never really had a goal, but teased myself that I might graduate at double my freshman weight. It’s kinda surreal that it’s actually gonna be a thing. I’m 22, and morbidly obese and now in a tight size 18 pant. But gaining over 100 lbs is the most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced, and I still didn’t do yoga, lol. There’s more I could say, my motivations, how it felt emotionally. I think everyone should feel acceptance for who they are and how they want to live. It’s ok to get fat if that’s what you want. I love it and it feels right for me. Maybe send me a message or say hi in chat if you wanna get to know me better. I mostly like talking to gainers, and enjoy encouragement from other women.