Chapter 49: Hunger and Light

“Theo, are you alright!?” Came a voice from somewhere out of view. A face appeared and I knew it to be Julio. He quickly looked down at me, shaking me by the shoulder. From a distance away, I heard another voice.

“Est-ce qu’il va bien – is he okay?”

“Ja pence que, oui, Jean—Yes, I think so, Jean” Julio said.

I gave my head a subtle shake trying to clear it. I surveyed my body trying to make sense of what just happened and why my knee, hand and shoulder suddenly felt sore. I blinked and looked around and found myself on the ground. The chair I was sitting in was lying on its side, but somehow, mercifully, I had not knocked over the table laden with food or drink. My fingers flexed on the hard, cool stone floor. In my fugue like state, I must have fallen out of the chair. No wonder I was hearing concerned voices just now.

I heard the quick efficient step, then the scuffle of cloth, as Jean bent low to examine me, his face now swimming into view followed shortly by Julio. I looked at them and they at me. They bore looks of confusion and concern, and I couldn’t blame them.

They exchanged a few words and Julio said something in French that made Jean laugh.

“E-common Theo. Up we goes.” Jean said, getting under one armpit while Julio held the other.

“On three. One, two, three!” Together, with a mild grunt all three of us were on our feet once more. Julio let me go first after I nodded that I was okay on my own and bent over to upright the chair. It scrapped heavily and I saw his muscles bulge as he set it once more on its four feet and guessed the chair was rather heavy. I must have really done a number on it to upend such a heavy piece of furniture.

“Can you stand, mon ami?” said Jean.
I nodded, then sniffed the air as I looked in his direction. I could see that he was struggling a little under my weight and was breathing a little heavily. I took in Jean’s build and guestimated that, even under the expensive clothing he wore, his frame would resemble that of a rake: lithe and thin with sinewy muscles. He had a cigarette sticking out of the corner of his mouth furthest away from me, but the aromatics still reached my nostrils. It waggled up and down as he took labored breaths as he held me upright.

“Yes, I think I’m alright. More embarrassed than anything else. Merci, thank you for the help just now.” I said, nodding in his direction indicating that he should let me go.

“D’accord.” He said, nodding. He pursed his lips and inhaled so deeply on his cigarette that the end glowed bright red. Exhaling, the smell hit me and reminded me of my college days: staying up too late in bars, drinking and socially smoking.

God, what I wouldn’t give to have a hit right now.

“Jean, might I…?” I said, gesturing a cigarette motion.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” He said in his lilted accent as he patted his pockets before finally procuring a pack. He flipped open the little cardboard flap and shook the pack in my direction until one tumbled forward for me to grab by its filtered end.

“Thanks. I feel like I need one at the moment.”

“But of course. But they always taste the best right after sexe, am I right?” he said with a roguish smile that, pronouncing it in the French way, ‘sexe’ as he snapped his Ronson lighter and lit the end for me. I felt my cheeks go crimson and had to look away from Julio who, tactfully, was pretending to stare in another direction.

I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes, relishing the moment before tilting my head to the ceiling and letting the smoke escape my mouth and nostrils. The nicotine hit me hard and I felt my heart beat a little faster. I liked it. I took another few drags and observed how the smoke from the lit end curled and swirled in the air. It was mesmerizing to watch, and I reflected between drags. Each one felt like a layer being peeled back, like a weight was continually being lifted off my shoulders. I was still reeling from what had just happened. I went from being completely enthralled with Julio’s performance to getting sucked into my own psyche where I literally had a mental battle with myself only to emerge breathless and once again, lying on the floor. But this time, I had a renewed purpose. I had a handle on how things would be from now on. There was no mental anchor holding me back, weighing me down from who I was truly meant to become.

I looked at Julio now as Jean gave us both a nod, then returned to the shadows. “God, I’ve got to invest in some kneepads or something. Those falls are beginning to hurt.”

He smiled as he turned to face me, confident the chair wasn’t going anywhere. “I know, that’s what I’d said to Jean just now.”

“Oh,” I said, nodding, feeling my cheeks flush once again with embarrassment.

“Can you tell me what happened just now? All of a sudden you went from being normal to having this sudden—well, it looked kinda like a seizure for a second before you groaned and toppled forward. It all happened so fast.”

“Really?” I said, running a hand across my face and through my hair. It felt like that private battle that had waged on inside my head had lasted hours, not merely a few seconds.

I continued, “All I remember was looking at you dancing, taking my breath away, then looking at the food. Those smells were intoxicating. Then, I found myself staring at them and I—heard a voice inside my head and that’s where it must have looked like I blacked out to you.”

Julio placed a hand on my shoulder. The pressure was reassuring and warm. It was what I needed right now. “What happened next?”

I retold him what had happened, leaving nothing out. His face showed kindness and understanding.

“And then I felt myself having this cathartic moment where I had finally rid myself of the negative toxicity. To allow myself to really, truly be…me.”

“Oh, Theo.” Julio said. He brought his body around so that he could wrap his large strong hands around the back of my neck. I took a step forward and tilted my chin to look up at him. And in that moment, as we gazed longingly at each other, I knew I had truly mastered my fears. Of stepping into the body that I had been depriving myself of. To have finally found a man who embraced me for who I was and what I wanted to become.
I wanted to give myself to him right then and there. I took a step closer to him and once again his essence was like the worlds’ most powerful aphrodisiac. I brought my hands up to his waist and realized that I still had the cigarette in my hand. I let it fall from my grip and Julio, without taking his eyes off mine, raised a foot and ground it out.

“I can think of something else to put in that mouth instead.”

“Oh? And what might that be?” I said, some of the playfulness returning to my voice as we continued to stand there in each other’s company.

Julio nonchalantly began guiding us in the direction of the chair and tray laden with its bounty. I’d placed my hands in his hips as we shuffle-stepped backwards until I felt the fabric from the chair brush the backs of my calves.

“Well, for starters, how about this?” He said.
He leaned forward and our lips met with just the right amount of pressure. I felt warmth spreading throughout my body as I felt his strong hand cup my jaw. My hands clinched and unclinched on his hips, torn between wanting to just tear into his belt; but also to have this kiss last an eternity.

Julio must have felt my desire for more of him, as he took my instep until our bodies touched. Electric sparks tingled throughout me now as I moved my legs so that we were pelvis to pelvis. My expansive body curving into his lean one. I felt the reassuring pressure from something stirring against his inner thigh and felt myself begin to shift from beneath my clothing.

“Th-that will do for starters.” I breathed as I came up for air. I felt a little heady. In part, because he smelled so goddamn amazing, but now the smell from the baked goods were beginning to waft in my direction, creating the most amazing combination of smells so enrapturing that I wanted to bottle it up and live in it for an eternity.

“Mmm hmm,” he acknowledged as our lips met once more, this time, his tongue skated across my teeth, and I willingly opened my mouth for him. Suddenly, our tongues danced, and I moaned as he swirled himself inside me, tasting me. Julio let out a low moan and I felt his stiffness against me, and I reached for him. I ran a hand down the length of his thigh and all my brain could register was, ‘wow.’

He pulled me in closer and wrapped his hands behind me as they reached low, lower until they were firmly holding the fleshy orbs that were my ass. He squeezed and I groaned, instantly going rock hard. He pressed his pelvis against mine. We were only separated by millimeters of fabric, yet I felt we were skin to skin.

I let out a low moan despite myself and bit my lip hard. I yearned for him, ached for him. I rocked my pelvis into him, feeling my bulge stir against his. God, this was so frustrating. What was I waiting for, an invitation!?

“Julio, I don’t think I can stand much more of this.” I breathed a little weakly, my hands reaching for his inner thigh once more.

He nuzzled my cheek with his own and I heard him inhale deeply. “I know, Theo. You have no idea how badly I want to show my love to you. Especially now that you have never felt more free.”

We kissed passionately once more, and I wanted to drink all of him inside me. Our jaws worked, lips smearing against one another as his tongue darted in and out of my mouth. I hopelessly tried to keep up but found myself failing miserably. I found myself gripping the edges of his pants, almost afraid that if I let go, he might disappear. I was reassured by his answering pressure against my ass as he pressed his hands firmly into my fleshy orbs so that our pelvises continued to knock into each other.
I could feel the lubrication soaking my inner thigh and gasped aloud as the first orgasm released from my body.

“I-I think I need to sit down.” I said in a low husky voice as my knees quaked from the effort to remain standing. Our eyes met and Julio understood my need for a respite. He merely grinned and ran a hand across my front, making me ache once more as my loins pulsed with want once more.

“Okay, okay.” He whispered sweetly, as he lowered me gently into the chair.

The effort left me breathless as my weight was distributed on the cushion and I watched as Julio took a step back, adjusting himself as he did so. The imprint of his magnificent member was lodged to the side of his pants, and I ached for him, it, once more.

The tension between us was mounting and the look he had in his eyes was one of hunger, and I had a sudden, irrational thought of just launching myself out of the chair and into his arms, not caring if I knocked the pair of us down. I would have him right then, right there, on the cold, stone floor. Would he mind?

But as my mind contemplated sending working signals to my leg muscles to pounce, the wafting smell of the baked goods at my elbow called to me like a Siren from Greek mythology.

Instantly, I began to salivate and swallowed several times as, once more, I took inventory of the bounty that I knew was prepared for me. I looked from Julio to the food and back, seeing the desire in his eyes. I could tell what he wanted, and it was exactly what I wanted, too.

As I reached for the first morsel, I knew in that moment that there was no other place I’d rather be right now. Lustfully, I reached for a Milles-feuilles, feeling its weight of layered puff pastry and cream, of the crisp texture between thumb and forefinger. The smell of it reminded me of a toasted and caramelized flavor. I could no longer hold myself back and brought it to my waiting lips…

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