Chapter 10 - The Argument

It wasn't that James was unattracted to Jordan, in fact Jordan was still heavier than when he had first had that insane crush on him all that time ago. But the pounds were melting from his frame, and James found it difficult to deal with, especially on a Wednesday night when Jordan did his weekly weigh in and got all excited. James tried his best to be proud for his partner, and he was in a way, but he couldn't help this nagging feeling that he was losing something that was just starting to become perfect.

James let out a long slow breath as he closed the Grommr app. He had re-downloaded it a few days before, just to try and get some eye candy and scratch the itch of his fatsexuality. But it always left him feeling dirty and he didn't like having his secret. He got up from the sofa and padded to the kitchen where, full of shame for what he was just looking at, he poured himself a glass of water. As he leant lazily against the kitchen counter, he mentally prepared himself for what was to come. Tonight was Wednesday night and Jordan would soon be home from work and ready for his big weigh in.

He heard the key turn in the lock and shortly after Jordan bounded into the kitchen, grinning like a cheshire cat. "James, James, I have something VERY exciting to tell you!" he exclaimed. "look, listen, please don't be mad that I hadn't told you this before, but I didn't want to get my hopes up in-case I didn't get it…" Jordan was stammering and his deep green eyes were flashing with energy and excitement "I've got a promotion! please don't be cross that I didn't tell you!".

James was stunned, "wait, what? At work? What do you mean, what's happened?" he replied, the guilt and shame he was feeling being immediately replaced by unadulterated joy.

"I applied for a promotion at work, and they have given it to me! I am going to be a security supervisor, it does mean going to shift work but it is a great pay rise; I will get some management experience and it is a desk job - no more standing outside in the cold and rain checking peoples passes as them come into work!"

"Oh my god, I am SO proud of you" he replied, grabbing his man and pulling him into a tight hug. James hoped Jordan did not notice the small flinch he made, involuntarily, when he felt Jordans shoulder blades and collar bones protruding noticeably through his thin work shirt. "We MUST celebrate!"

"I know JUST the way" Jordan piped back, "Today is Wednesday and I have been doing so well this week, I have definitely lost weight. The best celebration right now will be for more good news, won't it?" ignoring James' apprehensive look, Jordan grabbed him by the hand and bounded towards the bathroom "C'mon, lets see if the scales say that tonight is a double celebration". Reluctantly following him to the bathroom, even James was shocked when the number on the scale read 156lbs. "Wow, baby, well done" he said "that's another 6 pounds, that's insanely fast. But you do know you don't need to put yourself through all of this for me, I am happy whatever size you are".

Just at that moment James' phone dinged. His heart sank and he felt sick into the pit of his stomach, he knew what that notification sound was. Why had he been so stupid and forgotten to turn off notifications from that app?.

Jordan froze, a brief moment of shock flashed across his face, he knew that sound… "What was that?" he demanded?

"Nuh, nothing, I dunno. Probably just some random alert" James replied, wishing his face would stop flushing and giving away his lie.

"What the fuck, James" Jordan retorted, his celebration vanishing into thin air "show me your phone".

James gingerly pulled his phone from his pocket. It had barely touched Jordan's palm when he saw the unmistakable icon from Grommr. He dropped James' phone into the sink and held his hands up in disgust. "Why the FUCK do you have that app on your phone?" he bellowed, before immediately pausing realising what he had just given away.

"Wait, what do you mean that app? You didn't look at the notification, it could be anything?"

"Don't play fucking smart with me James" Jordan retorted, tears springing to his eyes and making the freckled skin around his eyes damp. He had become both pale and flushed at the same time, anger searing through his veins, he was quite literally shaking with fury. "I was always the fat gay kid growing up, don't you think I don't know that place? That was the only place I could get anything from guys until I lost the weight and finally became attractive".

"Jordan" James whined, pleading "it isn't what it looks like, look listen to me"

"And why should I listen to you? Have you been cheating on me?" spit was flying from Jordans lips as he shouted, spraying James and making him feel more embarrassed and disgusted in himself than he ever had.

"No! No! It is nothing like that. Jordan I have always been into big and soft guys, I can't help it." The words began to pour from James' mouth uncontrollably "and well I think you are beautiful and I love you but with you being so dedicated to losing the weight it has been difficult for me and I don't know, in a moment of madness I downloaded it. But all I have been doing is looking at photos, I swear".

"You're unreal, do you know that? To think I thought you genuinely had a crush on me too".

"I did, I do! But it all started on our first date, when you grabbed your small inch of fat and squeezed it, I went wild. It was only then that I realised you were not only my thin crush but truly my dream man…" James' voice tailed off when he saw the way Jordan's face had darkened, he knew he had really stuck his foot in it this time.

With his voice barely above a whisper now, Jordan replied "So all I was, was your prized pig. You just wanted me to fatten me up? Do you know how long and hard I battled to lose weight just to have you come along like some predator and try to make me undo all my hard work?"

Even as he said it, Jordans insides bunched up, yes James had been bad but should he really lie to him. He did enjoy being fat, didn't he? He had been hating this losing weight, putting on false enthusiasm simply knowing that if he didn't his progress would come crashing to a halt.

"Forget it, don't bother answering" Jordan spat "I am leaving, have a great life shithouse". And with that he stormed out of the bathroom and to the door, slamming it behind him and leaving his boyfriends flat behind. He angrily pounded down the street, furiously wiping tears from his eyes. After a period of time, when his breathing had calmed down and his heart wasn't rattling in his chest so hard, he came across a park bench. Plopping himself down on it, resignedly, he mused at the argument they had just had. Closing his eyes, he felt nothing but a sickness to the pit of his stomach. Why had he reacted like that? Why hadn't he just come clean and said he knew what Grommr was because he had been fighting his desire to be big all of his adult life? Why had he even listened to his parents all those weeks ago and started losing weight again, anyway?

Feeling despondent, he pulled out his phone. He had three missed calls and a bunch of texts from James. He hovered over the call button momentarially, uncertain. His resolve hardened. He hit the block button, removing James' contact from his phone address book. This was the right thing to do, he told himself. If he stayed with James he would end up giving in to his desires and blowing up - his parents were right, being fat wasn't healthy and he had left those days behind. God how he wished that his parents hadn't given him such a complex about his weight. But no, he was sure he was making the right choice, he needed to suppress these stupid desires. But if it was the right decision, why did it feel so wrong?




--- is this the end for our favourite power couple, JJ? More chapters coming very soon if you want to find out! ---