Chapter 7

Benny licked his lips as his wife prepared a plate of his favorite dessert. He had never heard of sticky toffee pudding until he met Jess, who made it on their third or maybe fourth date, and the dessert has had an irresistible hold on him ever since. He was always in the mood for some, but Jess didn’t always have the ingredients in the house and it didn’t seem like a popular enough dessert to order in where they were from, so he was simply left to rely on Jess and whether she was in the mood to make it. Without even realizing, he found himself prying open the pint of vanilla ice cream she brought along as well. The cake was always best served warm, and he drooled at the thought of taking a big bite of it with the cold ice cream melting all over. Jess served him a big slice, more than he would have served himself, and he was secretly glad. She let him serve the ice cream though, which he did sparingly to make up for how filled his plate was. Jess didn’t serve any for herself.

“Are you not having any?” Benny asked. He suddenly felt self-conscious given his wife’s restraint, a trait he obviously didn’t have.

“Mm no I had that ice cream bar, remember? Later maybe,” she said, then, so quiet he barely heard it, “if there are leftovers.”

'Why wouldn’t there be leftovers,' he thought to himself. But dismissed the thought, he must have misheard her. The plate of cake in his hands had his attention now, and he took his first bite. An overwhelming caramel-like sweetness flooded his taste buds and the rich flavor made him throw his head back and moan.

“Fuck,” he breathed, only realizing he said it out loud when Jess giggled beside him in response.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she laughed.

Benny smiled back sheepishly. It was certainly a compliment, but also an expression of acquiescence. With that first bite he immediately knew that he’d want seconds, thirds even. Hell, if Jess weren’t sitting right there he thought he might even finish the whole cake. Any shred of self-control he might have been holding onto was gone with the second bite, and his manners disappeared with the third. He quickly ate spoonful after spoonful, as if he couldn’t consume the cake fast enough. He thought briefly of how unhealthy the dessert was, that he shouldn’t be having it at all given how much he had already eaten today. But he knew they were just thoughts. At the moment he didn’t really care about how many calories he was consuming or the effect it would have on his weight. Jess had spent a lot of time on it. It’d be disrespectful, rude even, to not enjoy his fill. Before he knew it, he was scraping the last bits of the cake and melted ice cream into his mouth.

Benny set his empty plate down on his lap. He was back to full again, and without the pleasures of eating keeping him distracted, guilt started to creep in. Not because he had eaten over a thousand calories of dessert, but because he wanted more.

“Want another slice?” It was as if Jess had read his mind.

'Want? Yes. Need? Definitely not,' he thought.

“Uhh,” Benny prepared himself to refuse. But Jess had already taken his plate and was reaching to serve him some more.

'Say it! Say no, you fat ass.' The part of him that knew better was a weak but berating whisper in his head. The thought of another slice was just too tempting. He pathetically watched as Jess served him another slice, slightly bigger than the last if his eyes were to be believed. 'This is why you’re getting fat. Stop her and say you’re full.' But he didn’t. He felt a bit of excitement well inside him as Jess scraped the remnants of the toffee sauce onto his slice and paired it with half of the partly melted pint of ice cream. She handed it to him with a smile and he accepted. As he took a bite, he wondered how it could possibly taste better the second time around.

'This is the last unhealthy thing I’ll have for a while,' he reasoned with himself. He scooped up another bite of the cake, dipping it in the thick sauce and swirling it in the melted cream.

'Diet starts tomorrow for sure.' He set his plate on his protruding belly, using it as a makeshift table as he continued eating. 'Monday, actually, since it's almost the weekend and all.'

Benny felt himself returning to the point of uncomfortable fullness, but instead of taking it as a que to stop stuffing himself, he slowed his eating and forced himself to savor the dessert. Each bite took more effort than the one before it, but he kept forcing them down, the flavor alone reason enough to finish his plate. It was going to be the last time he gave in like this, after all. The realization gave him a thought.

“Babe, can you pass the ice cream,” Benny asked. Jess looked at him, surprised, then quickly grabbed the half-empty, melted pint and handed it to him.

'Don’t do it, you fat piece of shit. Don’t you dare.'

Before he could overthink it, Benny brought the container to his mouth and tipped it back, slowly and smoothly downing its contents in a blatant display of gluttony. It was something he had thought about doing for months. He could manage to finish a pint on his own for a while now and always thought it took too long to eat, drinking would be so much faster. And it was. He moaned a bit as he felt the cold liquid fill his stomach and stretch it out even more. 'You’re fat. You’re so fucking fat,' he thought to himself, but with less self-degradation than usual. He finished chugging the cream and set the empty carton on the couch next to him. His arms fell to his sides as he let out a loud burp, followed by a few more moans. He was breathing heavily, as if he had just done something exhausting, and his stomach felt tight and very bloated.

“Ughh,” he let out, head thrown back and belly rising up and down with labored breaths. What the hell is wrong with me?

Beside him, Jess suddenly got up and left the room. He had completely forgotten she was there for a few moments. 'Oh shit,' he thought. 'She probably thinks I’m a fucking pig.'