chapter 5

The next morning, I met up with Dante and Tony. It was kind of awkward, Dante and I looking at each other and giving nervous half-smiles, but other than that we both mainly talked to Tony. We made it to the school and went our separate ways.

Things went on like that for a few weeks and I felt content. I’d hang with Dante most nights, playing music and making out. We'd done some below the waist touching, but nothing more than that. I thought for sure things would just keep building in momentum, but when he took over the classes from Mr. Ludwig, I was essentially ghosted. I wasn't upset, considering student teaching stood between him and graduation, but I did miss him. He was doing a lot of lesson planning and grading and submitting work to his university.

I didn’t know if we were dating or not. Everything still felt really casual, and we never defined what we were doing with each other. Maybe we were just friends who kissed sometimes. I liked him a lot, but maybe what we had wasn’t entirely romantic.

“Harvey, can we talk?” Studio Art had just ended, and I was on my way to my next class. Wes looked at me with his beautiful, blue, puppy dog eyes. I melted on the inside as I walked next to him down the hall.

“Yeah, of course,” I said. “What’s up Wes?” He laughed nervously and I wanted to hold his hand like when we were kids. My face got hot.

“So, what’re the new guys like?” He was asking about Tony and Dante? I was disappointed, but I didn’t have a reason to be. It was weird, but what had I expected him to say?

“They’re nice,” I said. My lips tingled a little. Dante sure was a good kisser. “The older one is a student teacher with Mr. Ludwig. The younger one is a freshman.”

“Oh, okay. I was just wondering,” he said. We were almost to my English classroom.

“If that’s all, I’ll see you later.”

“Can I see you after school today?” he asked suddenly. I nodded and he smiled like I had just done him a huge favor.

I spent the rest of the day perplexed by Wes’s strange behavior. Our interactions with one another had been almost nonexistent the last few years, and just this week we were talking to one another daily. I’d been invisible to him, existing outside of his social circle. And I had been starting to accept we were just too different. I’d finally started to connect with someone who was interested in me. So, this felt unfair, Wes’s sudden interest in reconnecting.

The football players didn’t have conditioning after school because they’d had morning workouts. After the final bell, I went to find Wes, and found him by his locker. “Wes, hey,” I said. He smiled at me, his dimples prominent and adorable. “What’s up?” He slung his bag over his meaty shoulder and closed his locker, walking closer to me.

“You wanna go for a ride?” he asked, looking down at me. Yep, he was definitely being unfair. Even though I was really attracted to Dante, the little piece of me that had a crush on Wes was very powerful. My plan had been to try and catch up with Dante and Tony, but Wes seemed to have to tell me something important.

“Yeah, okay.” I nodded and followed him out to the parking lot. He drove a pickup truck like almost every other guy in town. His was red and white with a couple of rust spots.
He had the heat cranking and sat there not saying anything. His hands were shaking as he gripped the steering wheel. I was officially confused. He’d been the one to initiate this meeting, so shouldn’t he have been the one leading the conversation?

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked finally. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry, I’m just—just a little nervous.” He was nervous? I was usually the one nervous around him, so I almost burst out laughing at how red he was getting. He was so handsome, even with the obvious fear on his face.

“I know we haven’t hung out in a long time, but you don’t have to be nervous around me.” I couldn’t believe I was the one telling him this. Our relationship was too funny. At all times, one of us had to be nervous. It was farcical.

He looked over at me and took a deep breath.

“So, listen H—Harvey, I was just wondering if you might wanna go and—go and see a movie with me sometime.”

“A movie?” I felt my eyebrows rise in shock. “With you?”

Had he just asked me out on a date? There was no way this was happening. Had I manifested this while masturbating? Two hunky guys both interested in me at the same time? Was I a witch or something?

“I’m sorry. I—I—just forget I even asked. I’ll take you home and we can just forget this ever even happened.” He started the pickup, on the brink of tears. I wanted to talk about this, but I was now too nervous. He was driving, shaking his head every so often, like he was berating himself. It only took him a few minutes to make it to my house, parking right out front.

“Wes,” I began, “I’m a little confused, but don’t think I wouldn’t want to hang out with you.”

“You’d want to hang out with me?” he asked eagerly. I could almost picture him with a wagging tail.

“Of course! I just—Wes, you know I’m gay, right?”

“Yes.”

“So, I just want to clarify you asking me to a movie. Are you asking as a friend? Or are you asking in a different way?”

“A different way,” he said. “Is that okay?”

“Well, I don’t like scary movies.”

He looked over at me, his eyes glossy. This was probably a lot for him. It was a lot for me to process too and I’d probably be bawling as soon as I was alone.

“Do you maybe wanna see that new musical? I know you like the cello.” I smiled. He knew I liked the cello. “We don’t have to go to a movie either if you might wanna do something else. I’d be happy doing anything with you.”

“A movie is fine.”

“We can go this weekend, on Saturday.”

“Sounds like a plan, this Saturday it is.” We exchanged cellphone numbers, which felt strange to not already have each other's numbers.

“I’ll call you later with all the details.” I got out of his truck and waved as he pulled off. I heard him shout “Yes!” as he drove away. He wouldn’t make it home for twenty minutes, as he lived a ways away from my place. He and his grandparents lived on a farm on the outer limits of town. He helped out with the farm work when he wasn't practicing for football.

My whole body was aflame. I had just kissed someone else the night before, and now I was going on a date with a lifelong crush. Just as I predicted, as soon as I was alone in my room, I burst out in tears.