chapter 16

Amy awoke to the sensation of Cassie's fingertips lazily tracing the curve of her belly.

"Cassie? Are you awake?"

"Hmm?" Came the sleepy reply.

"So it turns our video games are pretty fun after all." Amy said, rolling on to her back to face Cassie.

Cassie propped herself up with one arm while the other found its natural place around Amy's stomach, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Don't get the wrong idea. It doesn't usually end like that when I play Xbox Live against beardy dudes in their mom's basements."

Amy did not know what to do with the bubble of giddy joy swelling in her chest at the sight of the earnest wanting in Cassie's eyes as she gazed down at her. She pulled her into a kiss, running her fingers through the cinnamon waves of her long, dark brown hair.

Cassie allowed her lips to linger on Amy's for a moment before reluctantly pulling away. "What time is it? I need to get to work."

"Seven."

Amy couldn't help but admire Cassie's tall and coltish body as she watched her get out of bed. She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew Cassie was standing over her fully dressed. She placed a mug of coffee beside Amy and took a sip from her own mug.

"Do you really have to go?"

Cassie nodded gravely. "I'm afraid so. Treating the minor ailments of this town is a cross that I alone must bravely carry."

Amy giggled and pulled Cassie into another kiss. "You're a real hero."

"Don't feel like I'm chasing you out the door though," Cassie said. "Stay as long as you like. In fact, I wouldn't complain if you were still in my bed when I got home."

"I wish I could stay but I should really check in on my mom."

"Oh shoot, I really am going to be late if I don't run," Cassie said, giving her one final hurried kiss. "I made you breakfast. I hope you have a little time to relax and enjoy it."

Once she was gone Amy stretched lazily and got out of bed. She spotted the t-shirt that Cassie had been wearing the night before crumpled on the floor and pulled it on. She quickly realised her mistake: despite fitting Cassie loosely it didn't fit her at all, uncomfortably compressing her breasts and barely stretching far enough to cover her belly button. But it would have to do for wandering around Cassie's apartment. It wasn't like anyone was going to see her anyway.

When she left the bedroom she noticed that Cassie had already tidied up everything from the night before. Although her small apartment was crammed with her nerdy paraphernalia everything had a certain fastidious neatness, an almost obsessive order. In the kitchen she spotted a pink post-it note that said "Waffles in here :)" on the oven and on the counter Cassie had laid out maple syrup, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, strawberries... everything you could dream of having with waffles.

She went back to Cassie's bedroom with her plate piled high with waffles. As she lay back against the soft pillows and breathed in Cassie's faintly floral scent that still lingered on the sheets she felt the pull of temptation. It would be so easy to just stay in the cosy serenity of Cassie's bed and pretend she didn't have a care in the world. She took a bite of the waffles and as she savoured their sweetness and felt them fill her stomach with their warmth she could not recall a time when she had felt this content.

When she arrived home Amy clicked the front door closed as silently as she could and then slipped up the stairs. It was bad enough doing the walk of shame through the neighbourhood in her late twenties but she didn't want her mom to see her in a dress that she had scraped off another girl's bedroom floor that morning or see the tell-tale smudges of make up around her eyes that said she had not slept in her own bed last night.

"Good morning, mom," Amy said with a breeziness that sounded false even to her.

"Afternoon." Mrs Miller corrected her, looking up from the newspaper that she was flicking through at the kitchen table.

"Right. I was going to make some scrambled eggs. You want some?"

She looked a little surprised but then smiled. "Eggs sound good to me."

As Amy whisked the eggs into a pot of frothing butter she could feel her mother's eyes upon her and she looked up to see her smiling broadly at her.

"What is it? What have I done?"

"Nothing, honey. It's just lovely to see you looking so much healthier and happier."

With effort she ignored the fact that "healthier" was generally mom speak for "You've gained weight."

"I didn't hear you come home last night," Mrs Miller said, her tone deliberately light.

"Oh... I was out with a friend from high school and lost track of time so I spent the night at her place. I hope I didn't worry you."

She had spent her miserable teenage years becoming an expert at editing the truth for her mother so the lie fell effortlessly from her lips.

"It's OK, Amy, I'm well aware the only danger to you in this town is dying of boredom," Mrs Miller said. "Who was the friend?"

"Cassie Simmons."

"James' daughter? Such a nice, polite girl but so quiet," she said. "I didn't know you two were friends. After you left for college she and Daniel were inseparable for a while. I even thought maybe there might be something between them but Daniel was so awkward around girls at that age."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's why, mom," Amy muttered to herself and yet she felt a sudden flame of ugly and irrational jealousy in her chest as she momentarily wondered why Cassie hadn't mentioned that she had been so close to her brother.

"Actually, I meant to tell you that Danny has arranged to visit next month."

"Oh. Well, that will be nice for you," she said with all the tact she could muster. It was so typical of Daniel to swoop in to be mommy's shining angel after the hard part was over.

"I wish you two could learn to get along better. If anything ever happened to me then all the family you have is each other."

"Just because we came from the same jumble of genetic material doesn't mean we have to be super best friends forever," Amy said. "The only things we have in common are blonde hair and a weakness for refined sugar and carb based snack foods."

"Oh, Amy, you're such a cynic," her mom scolded but she laughed a little in spite of herself.

They ate in silence for a while until Mrs Miller said: "You know, I'm starting to feel well enough to get out and about a lot more now but I've lost so much weight that barely anything in my closet fits anymore. It just seems like such a waste to buy new clothes when you're here though. Do you think you could alter a few things for me?"

She was about to say something snarky like "Don't worry, mom, I'm sure Macy's will have another sale soon." but she saw the hopeful look in her mom's eyes and realised that her mom didn't really care what she wore, it was just an excuse to spend time with her so she held her tongue. Instead she smiled and said: "Sure, I love a project. Just one rule though: I get to pick the clothes."

Amy realised that the last time she had been in her mom's bedroom was probably around the age of twelve when it was an annual tradition for she and Daniel to sneak in to peak at their birthday presents that good old predictable mom always kept hidden at the back of her closet. The room had changed little from those days, stuck in time like an insect trapped in amber. Amy felt a pang in her heart as she looked at the photographs that crowded her mom's dressing table but this time it was not at the sight of her body steadily ballooning over the years. She noticed that, though there were many recent photographs of Daniel with his wife and son, the photographs of her ended abruptly at her graduation, so little had she been a part of her mother's life since then.

Mrs Miller was never one to throw anything of sentimental value away no matter how often Amy made jokes about her appearing on Hoarders. Amy knew that if she looked under the bed she would find boxes of old baby clothes and report cards and her mom's closet was no different. It was full of clothes that she hadn't worn in years and, like so many women her age, told the story of a body that was in a constant state of flux, ever swelling and shrinking over the years.

Amy discerning eye soon spotted a black cocktail dress. The label was an unknown designer but it was made from quality material and was well tailored, the style reminding her of the understated elegance of Stella McCartney that she admired so much.

"Sexy." She said, grinning and raising an eyebrow at her mom. "This is definitely going in the 'keep' pile."

"Nice try, Amy but I think my days of wearing anything like that are well and truly over," Mrs Miller laughed. "You can have it if you like it though. It might be a little big on you but I'm sure you can take it in."

"Really? Thanks!" Already she felt energised with ideas for how she could alter the dress to subtly update its style.

They managed to agree on a few more items that Amy deemed worth saving and Mrs Miller thought were still suitable for a woman of her age to wear. As Amy was getting up to leave with her bundle of approved clothes Mrs Miller put her arms around her daughter's shoulders and squeezed her tight, almost fiercely.

"It's so nice to have you back to your old self."