chapter 10

"F*ck," Amy muttered under her breath when she saw the girl at the checkout. She lowered her eyes, praying that she could pass by unnoticed. She knew it was pathetic but her heart hammered in her chest and her palms were sweaty as she fumbled with her purse.

"Amy? Amy Miller? Is that really you?"

"Oh, uh, hi Marnie," her mouth was so dry she could barely choke out the words.

"Wow, I almost didn't recognise you. You look so different and your voice! Do I detect a hint of a British accent?"

Amy was dumbfounded. Was she being nice to her?

"I'm sure that to most Londoners I still sound as American as apple pie. Or McDonalds and Coca Cola."

Amy looked at Marnie properly for the first time and noted with satisfaction that the years had not been kind to her former tormenter. The once sharp contours of her pretty face had begun to sag and look jowly, her once clear complexion was blotchy with an oily sheen and dark circles underlined her eyes. Even her once perfect figure had began to slacken. Her thighs had thickened until they pushed together and her stomach sloped out into a paunch under her unflattering work uniform.

"Working for Vincent Black must be so exciting. He is such a silver fox and his clothes are so chic!"

Amy winced as Marnie pronounced the word "chic" phonetically.

"Yeah... Maybe he'll design a range of clothes for Walmart one day," Amy said, recovering some of her snark.

"That would be so cool!" Marnie squealed, completely missing that she was being mocked. "But he would have to make some bigger sizes. I can't do the size zero thing since I had the kids."

"Well, uh, it was good to see you again Marnie but I really have to be going."

"Oh, you too! You should come out with me and the girls some time before you leave."
"The girls?"
"Becki and Melissa. We're all still here," Marnie said. "It's not easy getting out when you have kids but we still make sure we have our cocktail night every Thursday."

Amy's heart was still pounding in her chest when she arrived home. She felt clammy and nauseous but still she craved the sweet solace of the chocolate ice cream. It took all her willpower to wrench herself away from it and go to her laptop, still sitting where she had abandoned it, to video call Chloe.

Chloe was sitting in the living room of the plush townhouse that she shared with Amir. Her cat, an elderly ginger tabby called Vivienne Westwood, lay curled up on her lap.

"Oh my God, Amy, I've been trying to call you for hours."
"Then you already know?"
"Of course I know. Everyone in my office is talking about it."
"I just can't believe it..."
"Honestly, if I didn't think you would have hated me for saying it I would have told you to quit that job months ago. The guy is a notorious bastard."
"But he's so talented. He really pushed me to be better."
"So he's a talented bastard. He put so much pressure on you just so he could spend half his time either on vacation or screwing the interns. You were constantly stressed out doing your own job and most of his. Happy people don't work until 10pm on a Saturday night."

Amy sighed. Deep down she knew that Chloe was right but it was so hard to separate herself from the job that she had put everything of herself into and had given her such a sense of self worth.

"Why don't you come work with me? Sylvia constantly asks me if you're looking for another job and still wears that dress you designed last season. She almost never wears the same outfit more than once."
"You know I won't work for her."
"Is this about Alicia? Honestly, are you really going to spend your whole career avoiding her?"
"You just don't get it. I can't talk to you about these things."

She instantly regretted the harshness of her words as the look of hurt flashed across Chloe's face.

"I love you and I know you're hurting right now but damn it, you can be so unfair sometimes. You know you can tell me anything."

"There's something else," Amy said quietly. "I saw her."

Chloe looked confused for a moment and then there was the slow realisation. "No way. Marnie?"
Amy nodded miserably.
"What happened?"
"Nothing. She was nice to me."
"But wasn't she the one-?"
"Yes! She and her friends tortured me for years," Amy cried. "I wasn't expecting some heart wrenching apology from her but she just acted like nothing happened, like I was some crazy person who made it all up in my head."
"Oh, Amy..."
"I've spent so many years of my life thinking that everything that happened to me was my own fault, that I had committed some terrible crime. I genuinely believed that I deserved whatever cruelty they inflicted on me just because I was-" Fat. The word hung heavy in the air but she could not bring herself to say it. "I just want them to acknowledge that what they did to me was f*cked up and wrong."

Chloe reached her hand out and touched the screen. It was a feeble gesture but it was all the comfort she could offer her dearest friend from so far away. Amy smiled sadly and put her own hand to Chloe's.

"I can't stand it here, Chloe. I'm spiralling. I don't feel like I can control myself anymore," she could feel herself shaking even now. She hated herself for being so weak. "All those things I thought I had put behind me are back. Why do I have to be the one who feels so angry and twisted inside while she gets to pretend to be innocent?"

"Come back to me. Just come home."

"I can't. My mom's right, I've neglected her so much since I left this place. If something happened to her and I wasn't here for her now..."

"I know, I know," Chloe sighed. "But it's so hard seeing you so upset and not even being able to reach out and comfort you."

Amy buried her face in her hands. "What am I going to do, Chloe?"

"You survived that place once, you can do it again. You're stronger than you think," she tried to keep her voice positive and reassuring but her face was knotted with worry.