chapter 5

I took a breath of the smoke and felt afresh the heaviness that it inspired. "Nanga, do you speak English?" I asked the waitress. She looked at me blankly, obviously not understanding, but I needed to talk to someone. "Oh, you've no idea what I'm feeling right now. My wife is making me into a completely new person. My tutor is making me smoke this stuff and it gets me so stoned. If I keep smoking I'll be in a daze all the time. And I'll be fatter than you in a few weeks and Dejax is going to have me tattooed so I look like a traditional bride. Why is everyone here so fat? Doesn't anyone ever take any exercise? I feel like a freak because I'm skinny... God, I'm not even skinny, far from it, just average. But I can see when you look at me you have pity in your eyes because I'm not fat."

I took another puff of smoke. "I suppose it's just as well you don't speak English, but it feels good to speak honestly to someone, even if it's a fat waitress who doesn't understand a word. Just for now you're my best friend in the whole world. How sad is that?" I sucked more bubbles through the pipe. I realised that somehow I felt I could manage a little more food.

I leaned heavily on my mute friend as I returned to my dining. The waitress spoke at length to Minanna Harosul and I started to think that perhaps she'd understood every word of my self-pitying ramble and was now repeating it verbatim to my teacher. Maybe the smoking had made me paranoid but I realised that many of the younger Jertulians had learned English at school and I had to be more measured in speaking my mind.

I forced myself to eat a large bowl of a stew of mutton and vegetables. At first the heavy spices and oily texture made me dislike the dish but soon I'd grown accustomed to it and even started to relish it. I'd been made aware that the worst failure of good manners for a Jertulian was to leave food and I made sure that my bowl was clean, though I had to take regular sips of chilled tea in order to get the stew down me. By belly was stretched uncomfortably and I was now glad of the voluminous tunic, since my own dress would have now been horribly constricting.

The last course was brought out: a tray of sweets, small elaborate pastries topped with cream, honey, fruit and nuts, accompanied by a large glass of a heavy red wine, sweetened liberally with a scented syrup. As I devoured the last pastry and washed it down with the too-rich wine Minanna Harosul smiled at me.

"Well done, Nanga Xenia. You carried yourself with decorum, apart from your little heart-to-heart with our waitress. You've eaten half of your food for the day now."

I tried to retain my composure. Had the waitress understood my comments? I tried to accept that maybe Minanna Harosul was aware of what I'd said, that even if she was I shouldn't blush. That I succeeded was largely, I'm sure, due to the sedation caused by my smoking.



I was taken home and my guide suggested that I should take a nap, which was most welcome following my excessive lunch. I was allowed to recline on a divan, my neck supported on a small pillow so that my hairstyle wouldn't be disturbed.

I woke feeling disoriented and confused. I thought I'd woken in the morning and it took me a minute or more to make sense of the time. It was mid afternoon. I rose unsteadily and went to the mirror to take in my new appearance. I gave a little shudder of surprise, still unable to quite believe that I'd changed so profoundly. My face was numb and seemed slightly swollen from the injections. There was something disturbing about its immobility, as if my features were a mask.

I felt horribly bloated, yet left with cravings. My smoking had left me with a strange taste in my mouth and I wanted something to rid me of it. I decided I should take a stroll around the garden to distract me and to help to digest my last meal.

Minanna Harosul was waiting in the garden. She greeted me calmly and invited me to join her. "A glass of heila?" she asked. I had no idea what it was but agreed.

The drink was a mixture of juices and herbs, with an obvious base of an alcoholic spirit. It was extremely sour but I was prepared to find the taste odd and didn't react to what I perceived as an unpleasant flavour.

"Do you like it, Nanga Xenia?"

"It's rather sharp. I'm not sure it's to my taste."

My comment seemed to amuse her. "It's something of a national institution, Maybe it is an acquired taste, I remember when I first tried it as a young girl I found it somewhat shocking. You can add some honey to get you used to it. It's not conceivable that a lady would abstain from heila."

She trickled honey into my glass from a spouted jug and stirred it with a silver stick (or was it platinum? I was astonished by the wealth on display in my new homeland). I tried another sip, which was more palatable now.

"You should take off your tunic," Minanna Harosul suggested. "It's a beautiful afternoon and the sun will help to improve your colour."

I knew her suggestion had to be obeyed and I stood to comply. She helped me to remove my dress without disturbing my hair and I stood naked and vulnerable before her.

She tutted. "I do find it distressing to see you like this. You're awfully pale and just terribly thin. I can't imagine why Nanga Dejax would have chosen someone so gauche and scrawny." I felt angry with her goading, wanted to stare into her eyes and make her know that I wasn't the girl she described, but my reactions were slowed by the alcohol. I realised that she was always testing me. I kept my face soft and stared into the distance.

"I suppose I just have to try to make the best of you. I don't think you have the makings of a Jertulian lady, but at least I can make sure your figure is more becoming. Are you feeling hungry? Your next meal is being prepared. We'll dine in about an hour."

"May I take a walk around the gardens, Minanna?" I asked. "I'm still bloated from the last meal and it may aid my digestion."

"Yes, Nanga Xenia," she said. "Walking helps to make sure your intestines are in good order. If you remain too sedentary you'll experience the most terrible constipation with your new diet. You must tell me if you don't move your bowels regularly. I'll give you something to help. When did you last pass a stool?"

I blushed at her directness. "It's been a couple of days," I admitted. "But that's not so abnormal for me, especially after travelling."

My walk was cancelled and I was despatched to my bathroom, still naked. A few minutes later a servant entered and spoke to me in Jertulian. She held up a large pill which I took from her and made to swallow. She grabbed it back from me and shook her head. She went to get Minanna Harosul, who explained that it was a suppository. "Bend over and let the girl do her job," she ordered.

I asked them to leave and sat on the toilet, sobbing. My life seemed to be out of my hands now. Nothing was private. I longed to see Dejax, wished dearly that she would see how unhappy I would be here and return with me to Britain. But I knew that was a pipe dream. I knew that Dejax was so in love with her country and her family that she would never leave. I had to try to adapt.



The suppository was painfully effective and I left the bathroom feeling weak. Minanna Harosul looked at me with undisguised anger. "You've been crying! Come here while I fix your make-up." She cleansed my eyes and set to work to repair my eyeliner. "You have no right to be here. I'll make it my work to show Nanga Dejax that you're not worthy of her or her parents. You should go back to Britain and admit that you're too weak to be worthy."

I couldn't contain my anger with her for another second. "Don't you dare ***ing say that! I love Dejax and I'm doing this to make her happy. You're a nasty, cruel woman, taking your pleasure in humiliating me. I'm stronger than you know and I'm going to succeed!"

She sat looking at me without her face betraying any emotional reaction. After a pause that seemed to last for minutes she spoke. "At last, I see that you have some feelings for Dejax. You need to turn that energy into meeting your challenges. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

"Fregxe, Minanna," I said, my anger resolving now (it meant thank you).

"But don't think you can speak to me like that without consequences. I've a good mind to take you to Minanna Puas now to let her decide a punishment for you. But maybe instead I'll wait for Nanga Dejax to return and discuss it with her. I'm sure she'll be much stricter."



I couldn't believe that Dejax would be anything but forgiving of my outburst and I put aside my worries as I was taken for another meal. I ate with Minanna Harosul in the style I'd started to realise was the custom, reclining on a low bed and eating with fingers. This meal consisted of seafood, which was something I'd always avoided.

There were numerous bowls of what were presumably considered delicacies. I could only eat them with the utmost difficulty and tried as best I could to disguise the gagging which I encountered with the more outlandish tastes and textures. Many of the dishes were prepared in oil and I observed that Minanna Harosul drank the oil from the bowl after scooping out the morsels of food. I did the same but with none of the relish that she demonstrated. Inevitably, the meal was enormous and I was full before the bowls were empty.

"Struggling?" Minanna Harosul said condescendingly. I had to admit that I was. "Perhaps you'd like to pause to smoke?"

I didn't want to smoke any more since my earlier encounter had left me feeling sickly and dizzy. Not only that, I was sure that I could become hooked easily, and knew how hard it was to quit smoking. But I saw no alternative if I was to finish the meal and thereby avoid more harangues from my tutor.