Chapter 4 - plans

During the next month or so, every week or fort-night we would smoke together and enjoy the night. Her binges were on and off, but for the most part she continued to bloat herself whenever she was high. Despite all this, I never really got to see if she had gained or not. A hidden, but raging desire for her to grow was rooted in me now. It killed me to see no progress.
She had come to love weed as much as me, recognizing the benefits over negatives and even openly admitted one night that she was sorry for judging me when I first started about a year back.
In any case, Saturday afternoon saw to a flourish of life in the small town plaza. The rumble of cars in the park under laid the rabble of chatter like a mellow bass-line as I made my way to the bakery where Sarah worked. I hadn't heard from her for a whole two weeks.
Unsure of whether I would catch sight of her or not, I had come here to buy a few guitar picks in the case that she wasn't there - otherwise my trip would have been for nothing and I would wheel around, awkwardly leaving having failed my mission.
Up ahead customers milled in and out with purchases from the renowned bakery as it was beginning its closing stages. I approached the door and halted just outside. I let my eyes drift through the crowd of people.
Scanning the room for Sarah was useless. It only dampened my spirits to see she was not there. Only other staff at the counter or circling around the room cleaning up the mess were present. I exhaled the cold, damp feeling out of me and moved on.
I walked to the small music department with a heavy feeling in my chest and purchased a few guitar picks and left sullenly. I chose ones that best suited by playing style that I adopted way back from the age of 13. I was fairly sure I started playing back then, all the way until now at the age of 19. It wasn't a huge amount of time to build up skill, but I would say, modestly of course, that I wasn't bad, but I wasn't amazing either. I could play a lot of complicated pieces to a degree, but as soon as the music gained a certain speed, my hands just couldn't keep up with each other and the synchronization fell apart is a cacophony of failed notes. Too bad, I thought to myself as I walked past the bakery. And stopped.
My heart stopped too, foolishly enough, at the sight of Sarah serving at the counter, her childish grin a flare of pure character and love for others.
*** it... I'm going in, I told myself.
The gleam in her eyes flickered over to me as I drew near and she grinned enthusiastically at the sight of me and waved amid a conversation with a customer. 'Let me finish for a second', her look said.
I noticed my heart was racing as I sat down on a vacant table to wait for her. Wretched me.
She finished with the client and started the packing-up process. After she was done packing up her share of the bakery, she glided towards my table and said hesitantly, 'Seeing as I've finished my shift, would you wait while I get changed?'
'Yeah, course.' I replied, taken aback by her hesitance. Maybe she wanted to look better than how she did in her uniform. After all, it was quite baggy and a horrible yellow color.
I waited until she returned with her uniform in a bag, re-dressed in a pair of faded blue jeggings and a slightly loose designer tank top, the arm holes big enough to see a portion of her side, revealing her perfect, unblemished skin. Skin as fine and smooth as a Childs.
I think she saw me looking, when I saw the flash of shyness in her smile.
'So!... how are you?' she asked in a sing-song voice, her enthusiasm ever so present.
'I'm good,' I smiled back. 'Are you gonna take a seat or are you needing to leaving soon?'
'Oh, no, I should sit.' She put her bag on the table, drew out a chair and sat down. Was that... I could have sworn there was a small bump on her waist. A brief look of embarrassment flickered over her smile and she sub-consciously drew a hand over it slightly. She must have sucked it in a little because I couldn't see it anymore, granted it even existed of course.
'So, what have you been doing the past two weeks?' I asked.
'Well...' she said with a sly smirk, 'what do you think?'
She let the question hang until I took a shot, squinting my eyes. 'Have you been taking up herbal habits?'
Her eyes lit up, and she nodded eagerly.
'That's a girl.' I said, hi-fiving her.
'I will say, once again that I feel bad for demonizing weed though. I feel really hypocritical,' she cringed.
'Peh,' I brushed it off, 'who cares, you love weed now so that's all there is to it.'
'And being able to listen to music differently has changed my taste as well I've found. Things that are really mysterious and all that, are way better than other things. They don't have 'enough' in them. They don't have as much to listen to, you know what I mean?'
'Course I do, I've discovered that so long ago. It's good that you like different music now though.'
'It's another aspect of life I've overlooked. Lately I've felt like I've miss-judged the world and it's wonders. I really used to miss all the detail and care put into things. I feel like the definition of ignorance.'
'You're turning this into some kind of confession it seems,' I interrupted and laughed. 'Before you start falling apart, we should plan something for us all to do before we go back to uni. Like one final celebration for the break.'
By "us", I meant our friend group we had held together since the ending of high school.
'Yes, good idea!' she beamed.
'Seeing as most of us go back to our courses around next month, or after that even, I think we should make it... maybe in two weeks or so?' I suggested.
Sarah though ahead for a moment. 'I'm still free by then. I think Maddy and Olivia are too. What about Jack and Mark? And Aaron? Know anything about when they go back?'
'Me and Aaron go back to music and whatnot at least two months away I'm pretty sure. I'll have to check. Jack is going back next month and mark said something about returning to mechanics two weeks away. Which just squeezes him in if he wants to come to this yet-to-be-decided event.'
'Then there's a few others which we could invite I guess. But it sounds like a good time to be held.'
'What should it be then?' I put the question out there.
Sarah turned to look outside, at the glaring sun and heat. 'Well', she said pointedly, 'the weather is hot, and it will only get hotter I guess, or so I've heard so the pool sounds like the place to go for me, and others probably.'
'That's good as anything.'
'Done then?'
'Done.' I confirmed.
Sarah took out her phone and observed the time. 'It's nearly five-thirty. I should get back so Damien isn't wondering where I am.' A small look of anxiety was there one moment and gone the next at the name Damien.
'Fair enough.' I said.
The last of the staff were leaving the bakery as it was starting to close so we got up and stood outside the bakery.
'Walk me to my car.' She suggested, a childish glee in her eye.
'Will do.' I replied, rather awkwardly.
Walking beside her made me feel like I belonged somehow. Something was fulfilling about having her presence near me, something special.
We emerged from the shadow into the skylight. She was right, it was getting hot.
Sarah's hair glinted in its straight streams and her fragrance hung in a faint aura around us as I followed her to her car. We reached it and she turned to me. Sarah seemed to stay close to me as if I were protection. It had to be my yearning imagination.
She looked like she was going to say something, but then she turned around and unlocked her car instead, looking as if something had embarrassed her. I waited while she got in and started the car. She looked at me, smiled and said, 'Well, spread the word of our little gathering and if it works, I'll see you there. Bye!' A wink played out on her face, her long lashes splaying out adorably as she closed the door and reversed out. She waved one final wave and pulled her car out into the traffic, disappearing.
Why, oh why, was she so sweet? Sweet AND beautiful... Usually it's one or the other. Yet she was compassionate, understanding and she lived enthusiasm. Now that she was no longer by my side, my heart felt like it was falling through nothingness, fast.
I was gawking. I pulled myself together and went home.