Chapter 8 - part 2 chapter 3 continued

He walked down the hallway, fighting his emotions. "What the *** is wrong with you?" he questioned, hitting himself in the head.

He crossed the living room, and sat on the couch. He dropped his head in his hands, a sound of a defeated animal escaped him.

"You damn idiot" he cursed himself.

He sat there like that for a good 10 minutes - cursing himself and self inflicting.

"Just one glass" he got up and crossed the room to the liquor cabinet in the kitchen. He thought one glass would be enough to loosen him up.

He picked up a bottle of Jack Daniel's. He sat down at the breakfast table and poured himself a glass.

He took a huge gulp from his glass, both elbows on the table, his head down. "Shit" he rubbed his forehead as he thought about the night's events. He scared himself, to have gotten so angry that he would hurt the one person he loved the most in the world. He could see her face still, he could feel the anger that was building in him, how much he wanted to hurt her.

The glass was empty and that seemed to be the moment he hit rock bottom; he couldn't get her face out of his head - that chubby, double chinned face that he was so use to seeing smile. When she smiled it was like sunshine, her dimples becoming visible. He threw the glass across the room, smashing it against the wall.

His insecurities crawled into his head, what if she left him? What if she said it was too much for her to handle? He heard his mother's voice.

He pushed the bottle to his lips, tipped his head back and took a long gulp.

He remembered when they first met, he was 17 and she was just about to turn 17 herself. Both of their fathers were long time friends, before they were both even born. Her father had been spending a lot of time with his father since his mother had left. She'd come down to visit her father for the summer since he would usually go see her in Washington. He remembered arguing with his father about going hunting, but that night, he knew it was the best decision he'd ever made.

He grew in love with her, mesmerized by her beauty, personality and the way she thought about life. She was roughly 170 pounds back then, while he toppled at almost 300. It is accurate to say that he was an emotional eater and once his mother left when he was 15, he ate even more as food was the only thing that satisfied him - until he met her.

She cared for him from the beginning and it was something he hadn't felt in a while. As a means of getting away from his father, he would hang out at her house almost the whole summer. He remembered them laying on the couch watching Titanic for his first time; she cried at the ending and he felt this overcoming sensation to comfort her, to protect her, to never see her cry like that for any real situation. He shared his first kiss with her, lost his virginity to her, he loved her from the beginning too.

When summer ended, she left, but the relationship did not end. They spoke everyday, video chatted, and he questioned how attracted she was to him. She told him the truth - that she liked tall, lean and muscular men. He had the height but he obsessed over his weight, he promised her that he would change for her and he did just that.

And here she was, changing for him. He tipped the bottle to his lips yet again.