Chapter 9 - part 2 chapter 4

She turned in the bed, half asleep. The lights were still on and she looked at the clock beside her, it read 11:42 PM, about an hour and a half since he left her in the room. She glided her hands towards his side of the bed to feel if he was there, he wasn't and it was cold.

She was still upset with him but she knew how he was, how he easily drove himself crazy.

She lifted herself off the bed, her belly swaying over the side before she did. She walked down the hallway and saw him. He sat at the table, his back turned to her. He looked pathetic, conscious, but pathetic.

She came around the side to look at him "Ezra?" she spoke. "You're drinking again? Stop this." she was angry again but she didn't know how he'd respond. He didn't respond but sat there with his head down.

She began to pull the almost empty bottle from the table but he grabbed it, yanking her arm with it.

"Ez, look at me" she begged. She cupped his face and pulled his head up to look at her.

He avoided her eyes but it was evident that he'd been crying. The rims of his eyes were red and watery.

"I'm just like him" he confessed, his face contorting like he was about to cry again.
She knew exactly who he was referring to, "God no. You are not him, you'll never be like him. You are a better man!"

"A man who threatens to beat his girlfriend...That sounds so much better to me" he slurred his words.

"I know you and sure, you scared the living shit out of me but I knew you wouldn't hurt me" she tried to reassure him although she wasn't that sure herself. There had been multiple occasions where he'd come close to losing himself. She sat down beside him.

He shook his head, "No, I wanted to this time. I don't know what ran through me...I..felt like I wasn't being heard or I felt so unable to control any of what was going on" he fumbled.

"So you think its right to do that to me? I am on your side!" she touched his arm.

He was about to bring the bottle to his lips but she stopped him midair. "I'm begging you to stop drinking. If I let you, you'll drink yourself to death and thats pathetic. I'm not letting you escape this, talk to me. Please. "

"What do you want me to say?" he looked at her.

"What is haunting you? You're not acting right and I'm tired of ignoring that." She pushed him.

"Everything?!" he snapped back.

"Okay, just start somewhere. What is running through your mind right now?"

"Uhm" he mumbled, massaging his temples.

"I keep thinking about the night before my mother left. I came home and she was cooking my favorite food. She said it was going to be a special night. By this time, my father was a mad man, he'd come home almost every night drunk as a bat. I thought Thank God, something was gonna change. I sat down on the couch and ate and ate and ate. I'd never had a meal so good in my life, I could barely breathe much more move off the couch when I was finished. She took my plate and kissed me on the cheek, told me she loved me more than anything in the world." he blurted all of this out, and then paused.

She leaned into him, her belly hanging off the chair. She'd never heard this part before.

"My father came home and he was at it again, drunk and screaming about bullshit. Always bullshit. He walked right pass me and grabbed her hand...dragged her into the room. Neither of my sisters were home yet and I don't blame them. All I kept hearing was her beg him, begging him to stop beating her. To stop hurting her. And I sat there, because thats all I honestly could do. I couldn't protect her..I.. I couldn't" he broke off.

She didn't say anything in fear of him not finishing.

"When he finished with her, he came after me. I remember feeling so weak emotionally and physically. He beat the living shit out of me with that belt of his. Beat me till I bled. I could do nothing but shield my face from him. He kept saying he was gonna make me a man. I still don't ***ing know what he meant by that because all he has done is ruin me."

"You are not ruined Ezra." she whispered.

"I am. I'm so messed up, its not even funny. I can't enjoy my life because I'm stuck in this childhood. He's ruined my trust, my love, my relationships with people. Hell, look at us!" He was angry again.

"You cannot blame him for everything, you're a grown man. And I know he loves you, I could see it on his face how much he regretted everything." she encouraged him.

"I just need you right now. You .. are my everything." he slurred, rubbing her belly.

"Shh" she hushed him. She kissed his lips, she could smell the alcohol on him.

"Come to bed baby, tomorrow is a new day. You'll feel better" she stood up.

He placed both hands on her hips. He leaned into her, his forehead resting against her belly. "So.. do you mean bed or bed bed?"

She laughed, smacking him on the head. "Bed. Just Sleep!"
"Oh darn it" He mused. This was his first hint at humor the whole day and she liked that Ezra.