Chapter 2 - getting to know you

Nate seemed incredible, a gorgeous face and an amazing belly, finding a man with both traits can be like finding a needle in a haystack. This 300 lb adonis says he's from my city. Ugh, why do I have this fake profile? I want to meet him. Maybe I can find some excuse for why I somehow dropped 65 pounds overnight. A really bad flu, perhaps. I reply with some general chit-chat about where he lives in the city.

Nate says he's actually away for the next 7 months doing doctoral studies abroad. He's getting is PhD, that's so sexy! Fat, cute and he is smart, I must not find a way to mess this up. Plus, he is gone for more than half a year, that's enough time to make fake me lose the weight and become real me. I'll make up some excuse about a blood sugar scare. Perhaps I will not be penalized for my web of lies!

I sent Nate the photo of me with my face photoshopped on a fat woman. He complemented my body and my face. So, hey, he thinks real life me is half pretty!

Next, I asked him what his favorite parts of the fetish are. His response:

"I love being totally stuffed, just so full of tasty food I can barely move. Oh, the feeling of rubbing a full belly. Have you ever had an experience like that?"

I really hadn't. Sure, I ate too much at Thanksgiving every year, or had a bit too much take out while drunk, but I never sat back and gave myself a sensual belly rub afterwords. I never overate just for the experience of it. I thought of typing back a fibbing response to Nate but I didn't want to lie to him, or at the least, I didn't want to tell any new lies.

I was going to tell Nate what it felt like to gorge on tasty foods. First, I just needed to do it. I ordered a large pizza and wings from my favorite place. I was so excited and nervous to do this that I actually squealed when the doorbell rang. I tore into that pizza like a madwoman, I dipped those wings in blue cheese sauce like my life depended on it. It was a magical experience... until I got about 6 slices in. I was so full and there were still 2 slices of pizza left. I had already eaten more pizza in a sitting than I ever had before but I wanted this experience to be authentic. I slowly, painfully crammed in the rest of that pizza. I groaned as I started to make slow circles around my pseudo-pregnant belly. I felt euphoric.

This is what I typed back to Nate:

"Oh, I've had some amazing stuffing experiences. One time, I ate a whole pizza and 12 wings. The feeling of putting more food into an already full belly is so erotic. Eating not for nutrition, not even for pleasure... simply eating to eat more. To get more calories in. It feels so decadent. The endorphin rush from the belly rub after is just the victory lap for a gorge well done."

Nate's reply:

"Ha ha, see, this is the kind of thing only other fat people can understand."

We sent messages and e-mails to each other like that every day. We occasionally talked over Skype - voice only - but the timezone differences made it tough to schedule times. Nate was an extremely passionate man, I loved the way he talked about life and food was a big part of his life. The way he described food was definitely having an impact on my appetite, I had put on a few pounds too. I now had a small roll of fat that hung over my jeans, I was quickly approaching my freshman 15 weight.

Still, I was going to have to start my 'weight loss' plan soon if I was going to look anything like the girl Nate was planning to meet when he came home.

I decided to test the waters by asking him if he would ever consider dating a thin woman.

His next message crushed me:

"I don't want to sound shallow but I am only attracted to bigger women. It sounds just as bad as a man who will only date someone thin but I just can't get excited about a stick figure. I want to feel my belly rub against another belly when we hug, I want someone who knows how to beat a buffet with me. Fat doesn't make a relationship (common interests, personality, humor are all more important) but it is hard for me to me in a relationship without it either."

The man of my dreams is disgusted by my real body. But haven't I turned down thin guys for the same reason? As an FFA, I understand where this FA is coming from. If he doesn't want to be with the real me, I've got two choices: keep up the charade for another few months or tell him the truth now.

But then I think of a third option, what if I actually got fat?