Chapter 49 - faye's awakening: part 4

118.
Usually, when reading, Faye preferred to have something to snack on, something sweet to stuff in her face as her eyes trailed the grease-stained pages of whatever book she was currently lost in. Now, with no snacks on hand, the fiery-haired girl couldn't seem to focus. She would read through several pages of her heavy hardback doorstopper, only to find that she hadn't retained a single word. The book was wonderful, and yet it couldn't seem to hold her attention.

Faye loved her books. The stories in them had introduced her to new worlds. They had widened her imagination and filled her head with new dreams. Yet now, without food, they felt strangely empty.

As the afternoon wore on, Faye's hunger grew to be all-consuming. Her empty stomach was like a black hole. It seemed to be sucking her brain into it. Her head ached almost as bad as her belly.

By dinnertime, she all but threw herself at Maggie's casserole. The food was so good that she couldn't help but to let out an audible moan of pleasure. For a few short moments, she felt as though she'd died and gone to heaven. The texture of the food as she dug her teeth into it, the flavour of it as it filled her mouth, it was simply divine. And then it was gone.

Faye had known that she was eating too quickly. But she hadn't been able to stop herself. Before she knew it, she'd wiped her plate clean. Though her serving had been huge enough to leave most girls sick, she was still so terribly hungry. She looked on with a miserable frown as the people around her ate. She watched as, beside her, Annie dozily piled portion after portion into her bloated, overgrown gut.

Once the chestnut-haired girl had finally put down her fork and leaned back in her chair, Faye thought that her ordeal was over. She breathed a sigh of relief as Maggie gathered up the dishes and started putting the leftovers away.

But then, just as the fiery-haired girl had thought that she was safe, the well-rounded older woman started to set the table again. She laid out a spread of spoons and small plates. Faye's eyes widened with horror as she realised what was coming. Finally, Maggie set a huge cake down before the fiery-haired girl.

"Who's ready for desert?" she beamed.

Faye glanced towards Niall, her eyes pleading with him. But he shook his head. If she ate a single crumb of that cake, she would be admitting defeat.

Faye stared at the cake and at all the sweet frosting in which it was covered. As Maggie started to dissect it, she drooled with desire at the sight of its gooey, creamy innards. Tears welled in her eyes. The thing was standing right in front of her. And yet, she couldn't have so much as a single bite, all because of her stupid diet.

Maggie was saying something, but Faye couldn't hear her. She couldn't hear anything over the deafeningly quiet sound of that cake.

"How big a piece would you like, dear?" Maggie repeated.

Faye didn't respond. She sat as if frozen. Then she pulled herself up from her seat as quickly as her hefty, out of shape body would allow.

"I have to go," she said and rushed off.

As she waddled upstairs, a stream of warm tears trailed down her soft, round cheeks. Though it wasn't in the room with her anymore, that cake just wouldn't leave her head.

She closed the door to her room. Her bed creaked as she threw her herself on it. She stared up at her ceiling and tried to think of anything other than food. But her urge to eat was simply too strong. Her tummy yearned to be filled. Her mouth yearned for texture and taste. Her mind yearned for that wonderful rush that only sugar and fat could bring. She felt so hollow, as though her entire being was a gaping abyss, a dark hole desperately yearning to be filled.

Faye had never been so miserable. Would this be her life from now on? She just didn't feel like herself without food. The world seemed so very drab when she wasn't eating. For the first time since she'd started her little diet, she contemplated what it would really mean to abstain from all her favourite, fatty goodies. She'd never be able to have cake again. There wouldn't be any cookies for her to munch on while she read. Niall would stop bringing her his greasy breakfasts. He would stop feeding her and rubbing her belly.

Why was she even dieting to begin with? There'd been a reason, she knew. But somehow, she couldn't think of it. She couldn't think of anything other than that cake. Perhaps she should just give in. Perhaps she should just admit that she was every bit the lazy, hopeless food addict that Niall thought her. Her body would grow heavier and more unwieldy. Her delicate frame would be further lost under her ever growing and multiplying layers of fat. She'd be a shapeless, unfit blob of soft flesh. But at least she'd get to eat. At least she wouldn't have to go through this hell.

As she stared at the lines in the planks of her ceiling, Faye imagined herself growing even fatter. She imagined her tummy and thighs spreading until they were huge, sagging, jiggling landscapes of soft, immovable flesh. The thought scared her, almost as much as the thought of going without food. And yet, it also sent a strange shiver of excitement through her body.

If she kept on eating as she had, everything that she had once been would be lost. She'd be throwing her entire existence, her entire essence, away. The thought was terrifying. It was so wrong. So wonderfully wrong.

Tears were still trailing down Faye's cheeks. The fiery-haired girl didn't understand what was happening to her. Her life had used to be so simple, so straightforward. She wasn't used to dealing with feelings like these. Her head was such a mess.

"Are you alright, sweetie?"

Faye blinked. She'd been so lost in thought that she hadn't heard the floorboards under Niall's feet. She looked at him, but said nothing. As he saw the expression on her face and the tears that were streaming down her cheeks, he rushed over to her. He scooped her up in his arms and wiped her tears away.

"Oh sweetie," he smiled fondly at her. His fingers sank into her soft back fat.

Faye said nothing. She just leaned her head against his shoulder and sat there as he gently rubbed her belly. His fingers felt so good against her sensitive skin. As he stroked and soothed her painfully empty tummy, Faye let out a quiet whimper. Somehow, his touch seemed to lessen her pain.

"Do you want me to get you some cake?" Niall asked after a while.

Faye raised her eyes and looked up at her beloved. His face was full of genuine concern. He was worried about her, she could tell. It hurt him to see her like this. Yet there was something patronising in the tone of his voice. He expected her to give in, to be too weak and gluttonous to stick to her diet.

Faye was so very hungry. Too hungry to care about her diet or about how huge she might get. But somehow, she just didn't want to admit defeat.

"No," she shook her head. "I think, maybe, I'll just sleep for a bit."

Faye could tell that Niall was disappointed. But he still tucked her in and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Sleep well then, my pretty." He smiled.

Before leaving the room he closed the curtains on her window and turned out her light.