chapter 5

She either stayed in the mindset that it was just a big feast before starting to watch what she ate, or maybe more likely, she was just exhausted by that wild weekend, but during the next week or two she moderated her gluttony remarkably well. As the weeks passed, however, her appetite started climbing again, so gradually we almost didn't notice, until we found ourselves one evening exiting a pizza place where she ate so much she couldn't button her jacket, and couldn't pull her shirt down or pull her pants up enough to prevent her belly poking out after every few steps.

"I guess I'm turning into a food addict."

"Just eating a lot, is, in itself, not an addiction. Just as in the case of drinking or playing computer games. It's not only the amount that counts."

"Figure that. After I just ate what could feed a whole family, am so full I couldn't take another bite, and am still craving for more, and will stuff myself silly again, as soon as my stomach settles a bit... after that I have to hear that I'm not a food addict?"

"Precisely, my dear. Why do you do it?"

"Because I like it, and because it feels so freaking good!"

"That's the point. Addiction is if you do something to repress a feeling, or to find a substitute for something. Addiction is if you don't do something because you like it, but because you want to fill a void. And when you don't like it but still do it. That's addiction. I don't think I explained it well enough, and a pedant might find inaccuracies, but I hope it's enough to see the difference."

"Yes, I get it. But speaking of difference, I wonder what's the difference between the chocolate frosted hazelnut-filled doughnut and the one filled with chocolate and hazelnut cream," we were just walking by a doughnut shop.

"Are you serious? A minute ago you said you couldn't eat another bite."

"Yes, but maybe I will be able to, in the car, on the way home. So we should buy some of both. Or maybe some of the other flavors too? The night is still young... "


Needless to say, her weight climbed fast into the 230's and was nearing 240 when it first started showing the first hints of slowing down. It was not that easy to notice, she was now big enough that a few pounds difference was not obviously visible. However, it was now undeniable that she was fat. She couldn't have concealed that fact with a clever clothing choice or by sucking in the stomach even if she wanted to. Her face was always round so there was little change to observe there, but everywhere else she was now thicker, wider, and bigger than how she looked merely a year ago. Wherever we went, most often she was the fattest person in the group.

Whenever she found herself at a new place, or among new people, her default stance was modesty and a little shyness, it took some time for her to open up. But whenever she did open up, the difference was huge. When we found a new place for partying, at first she wore clothing which was very covering, always wearing something with a high neck, but once she got familiar with the place and the people, she didn't bother if her boobs were almost bursting out of her cleavage. At a new pizza place, at first she was always choosing a place in a corner, a seat facing towards a wall, almost hiding what she ate, always wearing long, baggy shirts - and after a few occasions she was not even bothered if a too small shirt rode up to expose her belly.

Her growing size needed some adjustments, she started wearing skirts and dresses more and more often, she didn't like the sound of her jeans scraping together after her every step. We liked hiking in the mountains, but lately those treks became much shorter so that she could still enjoy them without getting too winded.
Her confidence, however, didn't falter, she seemed to be even less shy about her body than before, sometimes to the point of being nearly oblivious. Once she even wore one of her old favorite shirts without realizing it didn't cover her well enough, and her tummy was visible from time to time as she walked. She didn't even realize it, she was so concentrating on finishing the remains of her ice cream. Only when she was done with it, did she catch my gaze.

"Aren't you worried about how fat I'm getting?"

This was a hard question to answer. From time to time I was a little bit worried about how far this might go, but most often I found myself surprisingly unconcerned, even aroused. Therefore, instead of a long explanation, I only answered "Why should I? I got more of you. And if more of a good thing is good, then..."

She interrupted, "Then we should go back and get me another ice cream. It was delicious!"


Even the last few traces of my worries about the future were put at ease one day, after she finished her almost ceremonial weekend measurement.

"Look, I'm 244 now, just as I was almost two weeks ago."

"I didn't even notice you started dieting."

"I didn't. It just seems my body finally found its perfect balance. Good timing, as last week I finally decided I'll have to reduce my chocolate consumption a little bit if I'll gain another few pounds. I'm glad it no longer will be necessary!"

It seems her body really liked to be between 240 and 250 pounds. It happened a few times, especially when she was very busy for a week or two that she dropped below 240, but she quickly regained that weight afterwards. It even happened that she tried to gain weight deliberately, but she only managed to reach about 250, and after she got tired of it, she lost those few pounds she needed so much effort to gain. It was an interesting experience. I remembered that 250 was once a horrible never-to-reach weight and now she was frustrated she couldn't reach beyond it. I don't really know what got into her mind, as she never before wanted to gain weight intentionally. Maybe she was getting too much used to her body slowly but surely growing before, or the now sudden difficulty of gaining more weight looked like a challenge? I didn't know, but I couldn't resist getting drawn into it and supporting her. Even so, she could barely reach a pound or two above 250, and when she got tired of the effort and her zest subsided after a week or two, her weight slowly settled somewhere slightly above 240. Afterwards she was always relieved, as if sobering up, that those strange desires only lasted that much.

Her plateau proved to be stable, despite her appetite changing almost weekly, from only slightly above the average person's to nigh insatiable. We just went with the flow.

However, our comfortable life together was turned upside down when I went abroad for some time. An interesting problem arose in a partner company, and as I happened to be experienced with the technologies involved, I was offered the mission to solve it. It was estimated to take only a few weeks, a month at most, so I eagerly accepted. It turned out later that the issue was more complicated than it seemed at first, so my stay abroad was extended by another week. And then another. Always when it seemed we finished everything, there was always some new issue to be solved, so in increments of "just another week", my stay got extended again and again. One time my plane tickets were already reserved for the next day when it turned out another problem appeared which we had do fix.

Finally, a little over four months since my departure, I found myself on my way to the airport, with the satisfaction of a job well done and the eagerness to finally return home.