chapter 6

The next morning, Ian got up at his usual time, he got showered and dressed as usual, he ate his breakfast just the same as he always did, but he was not in the best of moods. He was irritated by the shower taking several seconds to warm up. He was irritated by his hair which was refusing to lie the way he wanted it to.
By the time he arrived at work, several irritations had put him into a bad temper. There was no reason for it. He shouted at his computer because it did not allow him to log in the first time he tried.
This was ridiculous! He knew it was. He had to calm down! He took a deep breath and a slow walk to the water cooler. If he was not careful, he would be having to book himself in with therapy sessions with doctor Jason. He didn't know what was the matter, he just assumed he had got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.
He filled a plastic cup with water and took a long, slow drink. Oh the water was so cool and refreshing! He felt better all ready. He filled his cup up again and walked back to his desk. He felt his ridiculous mood subsiding. Now he could get on with his day!
By mid morning, though, he was uncharacteristcally ravenously hungry! At first he ignored the feeling. It was his mind playing tricks on him. He did not usually need a snack between meals. Maybe Jason had something to do with it he surmised. But, his stomach actually started gurgling. There was still over an hour to go before lunch, but he couldn't settle. He made sure no one was looking and opened his bag. Sneakily and guiltily he took a bite of his sandwich, but, he found one bite was not enough. Within minutes all his lunch was gone and he was still hungry.
He bought two chocolate bars from the snack machine. He banged on it impatiently when it ate his money but did not spit out his bars quick enough for him.
By the time Ian returned to his desk, he had gobbled up his first bar. Chocolate stains around his mouth were a testament to how much he had pushed into his mouth at once.
He finished the second bar at his desk, hiding the fact that he was eating.
With all of his lunch gone and the two chocolate bars, he felt more satisfied. But what was he going to do for lunch now. He shouldn't need any! He told himself. He'd already eaten enough to keep himself going until teatime. He would just have to knuckle down, ignore his belly and get on with work, distract himself. He was not going to eat anything else before teatime!
But an hour later, Ian was debating with himself about how he was going to do without food all day when his stomach felt so empty. How it felt so empty he had no idea.
He told himself he would go to the gym. He put on his jacket to go out. He'd planned to go after work, but it made sense to go over lunch. He was determined to silence his hunger pangs!
Unfortunately he had to walk passed a baker's shop on the way to the gym. He was lured in by the delicious smell. He bought two pies and a cake. He forgot about going to the gym now. All that mattered was his second lunch. He'd eaten both pies by the time he'd got back to the office. What on earth had possessed him when he'd bought the cake? Well the fact was he'd bought it. It was there to be eaten. He resigned himself to go to the gym after work, as he had originally planned. Only now he was going to have to work extra hard to work off all these naughty extras. The slice of cake was a real treat! It was sweet and soft and the filling was so deliciously creamy.
But even that was not enough to see him through the rest of the day.
He made excuses to go into the secretaries' room and stole several biscuits to have with his tea. He felt so guilty, but the only person he was cheating was himself. He'd feel better after a good work out.
But going to the gym means he had to pass the baker's shop again. He pretended he was having a party that evening to the assistant, hoping she could not remember him from lunchtime. He bought all kinds of savoury pies and pasties and cakes. The assistant packed everything into two carrier bags.
It was too much. He knew it was, but he did not want anyone to discover his dietary indiscretions. He skipped the gym, hurried home. He quickly closed his door and his curtains.
Now he was safe!
Convinced no one would know, he started on his binge before he'd even taken his jacket off.
Half an hour later, he lay back on his sofa with pastry crumbs all down his front. He felt so bloated and full. His trousers felt so tight! He rubbed a hand over his full belly. Oh! He should not have eaten so much! He had a pain now!
He felt satisfied, yet guilty.
Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow he would be back to normal. He did not know what had got into him today. But the best thing to do was just forget about it and move on.
So, if he was starting again tomorrow, surely he could make room for one more jammy doughnut now!