Chapter 1: Ashley's Buried Desires

Ashley Davison’s life had been turned around completely. Her life had been changed forever as a result of one mistake. Ashley had graduated college with a degree in fitness and physical education. At 24 Ashley was the very image of fitness, her stomach was flat and she had abs and her thighs were nice and full but with muscle rather than fat. Her butt was perky to as a result of her squats, her only complaint was that she only wished her fitness regime had helped her get bigger breasts, even if only a little as she still liked her perky C cups though. Ashley had long blond hair that reached down to her waist and was a fit and lean 125 pounds. She was usually always wearing yoga pants and a sports crop top that showed off her abs or a tank top in various colours. She was going to move to the city with her college friend Anna who had gotten a job as a coffee barista. Anna was very different from Ashley. Anna was plump at just over 200 pounds and liked food and sweets. Like her roommate Anna had long hair down to her waist, only her hair was dark, and unlike Ashley’s pale white skin, Anna was tanned due to her mother being European.


Ashley had gotten a job at a gym as a personal trainer; well her mother had gotten her the job was a more accurate statement. Her mother had wanted her to follow in her own footsteps. Her mother was a fitness instructor at a well-known gym and had a reputation for being very harsh to anyone even slightly overweight. A reputation Ashley didn’t want to repeat with her own way of doing things. She was most strict with Ashely though. Ashley had never been able to be herself or live life her own way, the best way of co-existing with her mother was to go along with it. Ashley was fine with this only it meant burying something she considered just a phase in her high school years. Not to mention the fit her mother would have thrown had she found out her daughter’s preferences. Ashley had long buried the real her by this time in her life, Ashley was into big woman, and not just tall, slightly overweight or fat, but obese ones. She had longed for the obese girls at high school only she had thought it was weird due to her mother’s way of things and how others around her would think of her so she had buried it as a phase in her mind. She had not thought about it since leaving high school.


A year had gone by since the two college graduates had moved already as the two had gotten used to city life and Ashley’s career was going well. Anna even got a boyfriend as the summer began as Ashley cheered her on, not having time for relationships in her own life right now. Anna never told Ashley much about David. It was almost like Anna was making him up or something as she seemed to be very secretive about him, other than that he was apparently sweet, kind and gentle. Ashley was curious as to what he looked like at least. And she got her wish one day when she walked in on him in Anna’s bed, Anna having slept in Ashley bed as she had been out that night. David Smith was obese at 270 pounds and Ashley was surprised by this as she tried to play it off,
So…..You’re David………You’re….Uhh Bigger than I expected” Ashley said trying not to make things any more awkward then they already were. Once that was done though and David had gone home, that was when all the questions began for Ashley.


“What was that, he’s…….” Ashley began trying not to be cruel or harsh but there weren’t many ways to say fat without outright saying it.
“I know, but I like it and I like that he eats so much” Anna said as Ashley’s eyes widened.
“He’s only going to get bigger doing that” Ashely pointed out but she saw the dreamy expression on Anna’s face when she said this and her mind fired on all cylinders.
“Wait don’t tell me, you want to make him fatter?” Ashley asked as Anna blushed but nodded after hesitation. This led into a lengthy conversation where Anna confessed many things, Ashley even learnt about gainers, feedees and feeders for the first time in her life. This brought something back from the far reaches of Ashley’s mind, as all those girls she crushed on in high school flashed across her mind. She tried to sleep that night but try as she might to put it all back underneath the surface, it didn’t work. Ashley was heavily distracted after that night, at work her eye caught a large 500 pound woman attempting to use a treadmill and Ash felt her face visibly blush as he watched as the woman’s rear wobbled and jiggled up and down as did the rest of her.


Through the week Ashley’s head began to think more about her high school years, was it just a weird phase after all? Or was it something more common than people think? Soon disbelief became Envy and jealously of Anna as Ashley’s desires of fat woman had bubbled back up. She was jealous of Anna, how could she be so open about her preferences like that, it was weird, wasn’t it? Ashely kept trying to convince herself it was still not normal to like fat women. But now she seemed to notice them everywhere, at work, in town at the bars. At work Ashley once more found the same 500 pound woman again as this time the woman called her over,
“Can I help you?” Ash asked putting on a stoic face
“Yes my dear I was wondering if you could recommend any other machines to help me loose a little weight” the woman asked as Ashley thought but had a voice in her head again that hadn’t been there in a long time, “Why would you want to lose all that gorgeous fat?” Ashley ignored it and returned her mind to her job.
“I’d say maybe the rowing machine, it might be worth a try at least” Ashly smiled weakly as the woman nodded,
“Thank you, I’ve been putting this off for too long, I used to be slim like you in my youth” the woman chuckled before she waddled over to the rowing machines.


“Just how much does a person have to eat to get that big from a slim frame like mine?” Ashley thought before blushing and slapping her cheeks. This was not the time to think it about she told herself as she went on her lunch break. However on the way to the costa in town she couldn’t get that thought out of her head, she was in the que as she thought about it and the imagined pictures of the woman eating vast quantities of food sat at a buffet table. She was so distracted after getting her drink she wasn’t paying attention to where she was going as suddenly she collided with something large, soft and warm. Ashley then saw she was on the ground,
“Whoops I’m so sorry miss” a voice said as Ashley looked up and saw a large round man stood there with his hand out to help her up. She sighed by smiled; it wasn’t entirely his fault after all, she took it and was back on her feet.
“It’s fine really; I guess you can’t help it being….well….as big as you are” Ashley responded with a weak smile.
“I guess not” the man said.


She then saw she had dropped and spilled her drink, she was going to have to que for another one it seemed but she saw the large man also looking.
“Allow me to buy you a new one since it was my fault” he offered as Ashley blushed,
“Thanks, you don’t need to really” she tried but the man insisted, he had a determined look in his eyes.
“Again it’s my fault, I’m not used to just how wide I am these days” he said with a small chuckle. Could someone ever truly get used to being that big and being happy about it? She asked herself as the round obese man bought her another drink to replace the one she dropped. She wondered if this guy was like David, and had eaten himself that large because he wanted to. How many obese people she had seen before had she then asked herself.


Ashley spent the rest of the week just trying to keep her mind focused on her work. She had managed to avoid going backwards in her promise to herself about her `phase` as she was still calling it. She had never expected to be surrounded by so many reminders of it after high school. It wasn’t helped that Anna now that the elephant in the room, almost literally, was out in the open, Anna begun to talk about how Much David was eating and how he looked cute stuffed with food. It was almost torture for Ashley. As the months went by Anna even showed her a picture from their dates and Ashley could swear that David was bigger in each picture. Almost a full year of it had nearly broken Ashley down, she was seeing more fat women at the gym too and it wasn’t helping her at all as she was staring and lusting after them, she could no longer deny it. Anna was going strong with David too who had passed 390 pounds now according to Anna, Ashley had seen the picture and he was getting unrecognizable.


Ashley however awoke one morning to see Anna was sat in the kitchen looking worried as this was unlike her, Anna usually being very cheerful.
“Anna?” Ashley said as Anna looked up and looked like she was almost, or had been crying.
“Morning Ah, I’ll start breakfast in a minute…”
“What’s wrong?” Ashley said, Anna sat there for a moment, Ashley wondered if this had anything to do with David.
“My Mum is ill, terminally, I will be going away for a while, they live in Italy after all, but I want to be there for my family” Anna said, Ashley couldn’t blame her as she gave her a hug. It was hard to see Anna go as Ashley saw her off and soon felt lonely at home now with Anna gone. Ashley again tried to knuckle down and focus on work. The term feederism and the other labels were still whirling in her head now and then as she wanted to look them up, but was a little scared of that particular rabbit hole. Ashley was struggling at work as more fat and obese women, ranged from 200 to 600 pounds, had joined the gym.


Ashley had to restrain herself a lot as the next few months went by as she could easily avoid them and focus on her clients who were all regular people who just wanted to tone up or pack on muscle. But again, fate had other plans for her she was once again booked as a personal trainer for a client who needed to lose weight. Ashley headed to the consultation room to meet her new client who was named Mary Samson. Her goal was to get to a more reasonable weight less than 200 pounds as Ashley wondered just how much she currently weighed as she walked in and found out.
“Hi I’m Mary, are you Ashley Davison?” Mary asked. Ash looked her up and down; Mary was over 300 pounds and was about three times as wide as Ashley was. Her long wavy light brown hair was loose as her grey ish blue eyes looked at her. She was very pretty despite her weight and had a very nice large chest to go with her size. Ash cleared her throat and put it out of mind for now.
“Yes, you’re Miss Samson then?” Ash asked and Mary nodded.


Mary was sweet and kind as Ashley came too really like her as a person as they talked and got on well. After a month of these sessions Mary was delighted at her 10 pound weight loss a she was down to less than 300 pounds at 295.
“This….pant……is great…thank you” Mary panted after their recent session as Ashley smiled,
“Not at all, it is my job after all” Ash said. She saw Mary waddle out and sighed heavily once she was alone. Ash collapsed on the bench as she put her head in her hands, she felt her old desires stronger the more she spent time with Mary. Ashley dropped on her sofa when she got home from work and stared at her laptop for a moment as caution and curiosity battled before caution lost. Ashley pulled her laptop out and pulled up google as she hesitated. She knew this may well change her world for ever and there was no going back as she typed in `Feederism` and hit enter.


She found many sites and forums and even a few dedicated social sites for it as she spent the next few hours browsing every one of them. There were many people who were into this. She found those like her who liked bigger people, and people like David who wanted to get fat or be fatter. She was looking at a site and then closed the lid quickly as she recoiled a little. She knew this was a rabbit hole, and now she was Alice chasing the white rabbit of feederism. Ashley went to bed knowing she could no longer deny it a she had to take a deep look at herself; she wasn’t just lusting after these women now. Ashely was an outright fat admirer and loved bigger woman as her romantic partners. Ashley had dreams of the 500 pound woman and Mary that night as Mary joined in and blew back up and bigger as Ashley tossed and turned. She wanted to be able to have a fat girlfriend and be honest about her desire if only her mother….her mother. Of course her mother would be the angriest at her; she knew that given her mother’s views on the subject of fat people.


Ashley pulled herself out of her bed as she had the weekend off and looked back at her laptop on her desk. She opened it and saw the site was still up as she saw the banners and stared at the login/sign up button as she hovered over it. She wanted to risk it all to find some semblance of closure on this side of her. She spent the next 30 minutes setting her account up as she decided to use a picture of her body with her face hidden to avoid anyone else finding her on there. She put herself down as an FA and uploaded her profile pic as she was proud of her toned body and rather nice chest as she finalised it all, her profile went live. She looked around a little as she looked up the forums and videos, even the pictures as she saw she already had a message from someone. She clicked on her messages and saw it was from a user named Porsha97. She clicked on their profile and saw it was a girl who was plump at around 190 pounds. She was listed as an FA/Feeder as she seemed friendly from her posts. She opened the message and saw it was greeting.


“Hey There I’m Porsha; I’ve been here for a few years and see you’re new, glad to make you acquaintance”
It was short but welcoming none the less as Ashley decided to respond.
“Hey there, thanks for the welcome, I’m actually a bit nervous as it’s my first time on anything like this” Ashley replied. She looked around more as she saw another message from Porsha.
“No problem, most are at first so don’t worry if you need anything you can message me. Or find me in the social chat tab on the site” Porsha said as Ashley looked and found said tab. She clicked it and saw the list of people who were currently online as she saw Porsha was there.
Ashley hesitated but clicked on her name none the less and typed in.

Ashley: Hi
Porsha: Hi There, How are you doing today?
Ashley: I’m doing okay I guess, just still finding my way around the site
Porsha: No problem, it can be a bit confusing at first but you’ll get used to it
Ashley: Thanks, so how…did you find out you were into this stuff?
Porsha: Well, I guess I kind of just knew. I mean looking at other obese women and finding them ultra-attractive may have been a tip off XD
Ashley: Really? I thought it was just a phase, I didn’t think it was normal….well until recently anyway
Porsha: understandable, that’s a common feeling at first; many then try and bury it deep down thinking it will just go away. It never does, it either makes you slip up and make a mistake one day, or you end up blowing yourself up because of it, I’ve seen example of the latter a lot on here 

Ashley sat back from her laptop as she shivered at the thought of herself as obese as those women at the gym. She liked Porsha enough already though as she was very helpful.


Ash spent the whole afternoon talking with her as the two found they had a few things in common. They both liked a few of the same TV programs and music choices. Ashley’s week was great after that, she finally felt like she had somewhere to let out this side of herself. She chatted and got to know Porsha more over the week as she also got to know Mary a lot better too. Ashley found her charming and funny, as Ashley gradually felt her feelings grow for the now 270 pound women. Ashley had begun trying things to get Mary’s attention more as she even cut her hair to a more shoulder length bob style as Mary liked that style. All the while Ash was getting to know Porsha better. Ashley was looking at the news forum as she saw the meetups page and saw her city was listed. She was curious as she wondered what it would be like to go. Porsha talked her into going in the end as Ashley was all for it.

Porsha: You should go girl, might be a good experience, plus what’s the odds you’ll meet anyone you know there?
Ashley: You think I should? I mean you’re right though

Ashley thought and decided she may as well go as she contacted the organiser of the event to go.


It was during this conversation that Porsha asked Ashley if she wanted to start video calling to as Porsha really wanted to get to know her properly, and not just text on a screen and Ash felt the same way. Porsha gave her skype name and email and Ashley added her. Ashely waited as her skype then rang and she clicked to answer. The screen was soon filled with a girl who was plump and beaming at the screen.
“Heya Ashley” Porsha said. Porsha was on the heavier side as her belly was rounded out and clearly visible as her cheeks were round and chubby as she had a slight double chin. Her hair was long and tied up with her bangs loose; she had dyes pale purple hair with her dark roots showing at the top.
Ashley beamed back,
“Hey Porsha” she said, she sounded a little nervous as Porsha picked up on it,
“No need to be nervous Ash, we’ve been talking for ages already, I feel like I know you well enough” Porsha said with a gentle smile. Ashley did relax more as the two talked and she began to open up a bit more.
“You look great by the way, kind of miss the long hair though” Porsha said as Ashley chuckled,
“Yeah I just fancied a change for a bit, might grow it back out later” Ashley replied.
“So you all ready for this Saturday? I’m sure you’ll enjoy it” Porsha asked as Ashley nodded.
“Yeah I am, pretty sure I won’t bump into anyone I know there” Ashley chuckled.


Ashley went to bed that evening and saw she had a message from Anna as she opened and read,
“Sorry Ashley, I won’t be coming back home, dad’s not taking moms death well and I can’t leave him here alone, I already told David too…and have ended it with him too. I can’t be with him right now and a long distance relationship won’t work for either of us long term” Ashley lay back in her bed and sighed, it meant she needed to look for a new roommate and all now. She also felt a little bad for David too though the two weren’t close due to Ashley’s awkwardness. She did regret that and wondered if she would ever get the chance to apologise to him. Ash had to chuckle at the way things happened when that weekend arrived.


When she arrived at the meetup and heard her name called. This surprised her as she was even wearing a baggy hoodie with the hood up; she turned and saw a large a round man sat at a table near the entrance. She saw he was looking at her but she didn’t recognize him at first, and then she saw the blond hair and the eyes and recognized some of the more fat buried features.
“David?” she asked as he nodded. Ashley was shocked, he was huge. They looked at one another for a while before David spoke,
“Well, this is certainly……..surprising” he said as Ashley sighed but actually felt a little relief in her mind at the sight of a familiar face.
“You’re telling me, jeez you got huge, you were about half the size last I saw you” she said, the last time she had seen David was that one time when she had walked in on him. He was according to Anna around 270 pounds then, now he looked over 400 pounds. She looked down at his belly that was twice as large and round sitting in his lap fully as his moobs sat atop of it.