Cravings unleashed

Chapter 1 - Pandora

---The story was translated into English with the assistance of ChatGPT and then polished for clarity and style. ---

I finally had my own apartment set up. I was finally living on my own. With a deep sigh, I flopped onto the couch, stretched, and pulled out a bag of potato chips. Chips and watching The Simpsons, that's what I call relaxation. Once one episode ended, I began to open another bag of chips. This was my plan for the rest of the evening, the weekend, and the remaining month and year.
Maybe I should introduce myself a bit. My name is Jana, I'm 25 years old, and I live in the Czech Republic. And I want to be the fattest girl in this miseerable country. I am 168 cm (5'6) tall and weigh only a pathetic 65 kg (143 lbs). I'm quite nice, with dark brown hair and vivid blue eyes. I recently went through a rather tough period. I broke up with my boyfriend, even though it was a beautiful relationship full of beautiful moments and shared harmony. Unfortunately, I have one internal problem. No man or woman can attract me. I'm only drawn to the feeling and thoughts of overeating, being fat, and insatiable. With this self-understanding, I decided to leave my boyfriend, move to a new apartment on the other side of the country, and start realizing myself away from people who know me, away from family, and away from my old self.

"To my old self, the feeling of getting fat was always appealing. Since my early childhood, animated fairy tales with characters sporting chubby bellies excited me. I attempted to imitate that behavior several times, but it always ended with me feeling sick and regretful. The worst part of it all was why I consistently felt bad about myself – my dad was incredibly overweight and constantly complained about health complications and his inability to lose weight. This eventually affected my brother as well. Currently, my dad, in his fresh 60s, weighs 160 kg (352 lbs, 5'10"). Which by today's standards isn't much, and certainly not by American standards. In Czech terms, he is genuinely a fat person who must feel ashamed to walk down the street."


"Additional problems that discouraged me from gaining weight were my wicked, psychotic mother. She perpetually insulted my father for his obesity and weakness. She would insult random women and young girls on the streets for their excess weight, expressing no shame in dressing the way they did. She is a truly mean woman, I must say. Although weight wasn't the only thing she insulted, ranging from clothing, minorities, intelligence, and what she deemed abnormal. I believe it had a quite negative impact on my future self-esteem and introverted nature.
At the age of eleven, I finally discovered and could articulate my preferences. It happened in a school geography atlas where I noticed a picture from a beauty contest for plus-size women. That evening, I had the idea to search for 'miss thickness' in a search engine, and I felt a mild excitement in my groin. I spent many hours watching videos of overweight women, not because I found them attractive, but because I liked the idea that these women had the courage to become obese. The feeling that they could be perfectly beautiful and slim, but instead chose the path of excess weight, destroying their perfect bodies."
That was the same time when my parents went through a divorce. My mother took custody of me, and my father took care of my brother. It was a tough period as we had to move to a small town 60 kilometers away. Making genuine friends was a challenge, and I preferred spending my days playing games, watching series, and delving into the depths of my thoughts.
During this time, I discovered online models like Plum Princess, Jenni Bomshell, BigButtAsshley, and others. Watching their videos helped me learn more about myself and I learned to masturbate. However, I didn't actually gain much weight during that period. I visited my father once or twice a year, and on each occasion, both he and my brother seemed to be gaining more weight. My father enjoyed cooking and led a more independent life without my mother, and my brother became less disciplined without strict guidance.
I envied them, imagining that if I were with them, I could embrace a similar carefree lifestyle. Finally, as summer approached, my mother allowed me to spend a month with my father, providing an opportunity for city life and enjoying my father's cooking. Almost every moment, my father would serve me delicious yet unhealthy food. At the age of 13, while girls my age typically avoided hearty Czech dishes, I indulged. For breakfast, I usually had three sausages with mustard and white bread, a meal that many girls my age would find excessive.
After lunch, my brother and I usually headed to some fast-food place, or we ordered pizza to enjoy at home. This routine continued for the entire month until the day of my approaching last visit with my father. On that day, I independently ordered ten hamburgers from McDonald's and escaped to the woods to devour them. I was incredibly happy to manage to eat seven of them. I rubbed my belly and pulled my shirt tighter, wanting it to look snug. I masturbated in that forest 5 times in a row and immediately finished the three remaining hamburgers.
The day of my return home was supposed to come, but during that month of vacation, I was 15 kilograms heavier. At home, my mom didn't mention much. After the divorce, my once evil mother turned into a numb woman who didn't care much about me or herself. However, despite feeling low self-esteem, I was more troubled by the thought of pleasing my mother. But the worst was yet to come. I already had no friends, and I was considered weird. Now, I was also considered fat. So, I tried to lose weight and figure out how to be popular and fit in with the people who bullied me. And so a year passed, and I was thin again. I began to take better care of myself, dress better, and take an interest in things that didn't interest me to please the crowd. I suppressed my thoughts of gaining weight, though they were always there deep inside me. But it was too late to become popular in elementary school because my 15th year was approaching, and high school was just around the corner. Fear of a new crowd and a new environment further suppressed my true self. High school flew by quickly. There were still parties and events happening. I started dating guys, even though deep inside, I didn't understand why. It was just expected of me. It was expected like brand-name clothing, superficial things. My true self was completely grounded at that time. I didn't feel good or bad. However, in my spare moments I sometimes masturbated over various comics or stories about gaining weight. It was just a routine for me. Like a cigarette to a smoker, my sexuality became just a momentary release of tension.
Then my first long-term relationship came. I was 19 years old and finishing high school. I had my diploma in my pocket. I had a well-paying job lined up and a wealthy, tall, intelligent boyfriend. It was expected of me to be with him for a long time, that we would get married someday, have children, and live happily ever after. He loved me, and I thought I would eventually learn to love him. He was in love with my superficial self. If only he had glimpsed into my true self, he would have felt uncomfortable and would have left soon. At the beginning, the relationship was beautiful. I started to return more to my introverted self. The beauty of adulthood is that you have money and the opportunity to return to things you loved in childhood. Unfortunately, the problem with adulthood is that everything is terribly complicated. I was quite open with my ex-boyfriend and could talk about various feelings and thoughts. Just as I started talking about them in front of him, I began to get to know myself again. Things about my inner loneliness, feelings of inadequacy and disinterest from my mother, and the sense of lost childhood resurfaced. But with this opening came the last thing out of Pandora's box. My fat self. All the thoughts of overeating and gaining weight came back. The thoughts that I was a huge fat monster who needed two seats on the bus resurfaced.
It was the fourth year of my relationship. Things started to become mundane. We both spent a lot of time at work. And most of my free time was spent watching various super fat models, reading stories about gaining weight. This time, I began to believe that I could be that super fat woman. I started fantasizing more and more often. I thought about it all day at work. I devoted most of my time at home to it. I even started dreaming about it. The only problem was my boyfriend. Towards the end of the relationship, we were more like best friends than lovers. Occasionally, I started talking about some aspects of my fetish in front of him. He always took it as a joke or made it clear that it was disgusting and repulsive. Sex with him became colder and less frequent. I wasn't attracted to him before, and now I stopped trying to make him happy. At that time, I stopped caring about my fitness. I didn't overeat, but some extra pounds started to accumulate on me. I began to get excited about my new curves in the mirror. I liked how my hips were starting to show. My firm buttocks began to have a slight cellulite and trembled at the slightest movement. It had been half a year since I had sex with my boyfriend, and I had completely lost my desire for him. I started to masturbate looking at my folds while sitting, on a full stomach after eating.

"Don't worry, we're slowly getting into the present. I was 24 years old. Sexual frustration, the fact that I was no longer attractive to my ex, and being trapped in the endless spiral of my own fantasy turned our relationship into hell. Endless hours of arguments, mutual hatred, and ignorance led to what should have happened long ago. I started to reminisce about my holidays with my dad, about how I was completely free for a month of my life. I remembered how I didn't care about other people's opinions. All day long, I did the one and only thing that ever fulfilled me, and that was endless overeating, tight clothing, and endless pleasure. With tears in my eyes, I told myself that it's the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life, even if I were to die from obesity-related illness. Even if I were to end up alone and immobile. I just want it, damn it, I want it so badly. At that time, I didn't even notice that it was Christmas. Exactly on Christmas Eve, I kicked my boyfriend out. He apathetically left the apartment to spend Christmas with his parents. And I started writing my list of wishes for the coming year.
1. Spending at least 10,000 CZK on unhealthy and fatty foods.
2. Looking for my own little apartment where I can become fat.
3. Being true to myself.
Later that day, I went to the supermarket. I bought heaps of sweets, chips, pastries, liters of condensed milk, and microwaveable semi-finished products. When I got home with the groceries, I started with point 2. I found a beautiful apartment where I could move in from the beginning of the new year. I turned on the TV and started eating. First, I began cramming one sweet bar after another, then doughnuts. That's when I started to feel full for the first time. However, my own desire drove me further. With all my strength, I swallowed the fifth doughnut and the sixth Mars bar. I felt sick, but I was insanely horny; I started to stroke my pussy. It was absolutely beautiful and liberating. I came. I immediately started on the bag of chips, which I processed within 20 minutes, and I polished off three more doughnuts. I felt even sicker than before, and my belly seemed bloated. I started masturbating again; I was even hornier than the first time. I came again. And then I poured myself a liter of condensed milk. I did it, but I felt so sick that I lay down curled up in a ball. I rubbed my sore, bloated belly and tried to catch my breath. That's when I fell asleep, and I woke up at 2 a.m. after a beautiful intimate dream. That dream excited me so much that I indulged in 10 doughnuts and drank 2 liters of cola and started masturbating. This went on until the new year. I felt great. In the meantime, I had to focus on moving to a city 200 kilometers away. Those days should come when I forget everything I knew, forget all the people. I will be alone, with my fat, with my food. I don't want anything else, and I have never desired anything else more.

That's why I'm sitting alone in the apartment on the couch. My belly has already bloated in the week since the first binge-eating. Besides ten bags of chips, two 2-liter colas, 2 pizzas for breakfast, 3 pizzas for lunch, and maybe another 2 for dinner, I'm still properly hungry and horny. For a whole week straight. I don't know where it's coming from within me. I understand it as if it had been so suppressed within me that it exploded out of me.

Summary of current weight: 65 kg (143 lbs)
The story follows the narrative from the age of 10 to 25 (2008 – 2023)