chapter 1

Lucy was anorexic. She was so thin that her bones stuck out and her face was sunken in. For her, it was not about being slim enough to fit into the latest fashions. It was not about looking good. It was all about control.
She did not mind being around food. She did not mind cooking and preparing meals, as long as they were for someone else. She tortured herself by not eating any of the food she prepared. She could not even taste it! She could serve a fabulous, three course meal up to the rest of the family, while she ate a couple of lettuce leaves and half an apple.
On days when she thought she had eaten too much, she would go for a long brisk walk to work off the excess calories, or even get up in the middle of the night to exersise in her room, doing hundreds of star jumps or sit ups.
If her muscles ached, she considered she was doing well.
Then came the days when she barely had enough energy to get out of bed in the morning. She struggled to lift her head off the pillow.
In the mean time, there was the constant pain of starvation that she could not give in to.

At her worst, Lucy had to be admitted to hospital. At only four stones even the duvet on top of her caused her discomfort. Clothes hung off her cachaxic frame. She needed help to walk as she was so weak. At that point, she could make one apple last a whole week. She'd eat nothing else. She'd drink nothing but water. Water was good. It could stave off hunger pangs and if she bloated herself with water before a compulsory weigh in, she could make it look like she was heavier than she actually was.

She had been 'sectioned' twice under the mental health act before the age of twenty. This meant that she was forcibly admitted to a specialist clinic for her own safety. She had to comply with the imposed regime or have her priveledges revoked. She was never allowed to be alone. If she refused to eat, a tube was put down her nose into her stomach and she was given a liquid diet through that until she gave in and started to eat normally. If she pulled the tube out, she was legally restrained and the tube was reinserted.
As soon as her weight was considered to be healthy, she would be discharged home.
Then, the cycle of denial and restriction and over exertion would begin again.

Then she met Paul.