Chapter 1: The Manifestation / Gain

I don't know when it started but I’ve always had a weird obsession with fat people. I loved pregnant bellies and would always pretend I was by putting clothes in my shirts and pretending I was fat. It started off with pregnant people then it went onto actual fat people.

My mom gained a bit of weight when I was younger and she’d always be like “look at my belly!” and jiggle her fat next to me.

I loved jiggly bellies though. I still didn't know where it started but the idea of having a huge belly sitting in your lap, sticking out of shirts. I would binge eat on food but I played sports so I wouldn't ever gain weight. Until 5th grade.

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My mom left on vacation for a month. My dad did not know how to take care of me and it was an emergency vacation because a relative of hers died. My dad ended up buying us burger king the first day she left. That burger king turned into an everyday thing. All I remember was having the house to myself and stuffing myself with everything possible, then when he got home he’d bring back a double cheeseburger, a soda, and large fries.

My dad would buy me croissants or chocolate scones in the morning sometimes too. Or even he’d buy us bagels and chocolate muffins. I ate all day everyday and nobody stoped me. My dad was at work and my mom was gone so when I had the whole house to myself I could eat what he brought before he left for work and more.

I would force myself to finish everything, it’d bring me so much pleasure. I never got embarrassed because nobody was around. I’d eat it all so quickly the immediately lay on the couch and rub my belly. It eventually got harder to get up from the couch and put on shoes. Going up the stairs was hard and I’d be out of breath by the time I was at the top but it never really hit me how fat I’ve gotten because nobody really called me out.

Everyday. I didn't even notice the weight I was gaining until my mom came back a month later.