Chapter 1
Link to audio version: https://youtu.be/n-O04gVr2cQ?si=Txyp-B80JWiqA8nvIsn't it just so satisfying the way that your physical appearance is finally, finally beginning to align with your mentality? You’ve always been a glutton, haven't you? You’ve always been greedier than most, always been the type to stuff yourself silly just for the pleasure of feeling the skin of your belly stretch tight around the mass of food you’ve forced into yourself, but it wasn't always obvious. At least, nowhere near as obvious as it is now, huh?
You’re finally starting to look like the insatiable fatty that's always been inside you. Isn't that so exciting? That your outward appearance is just as indicative of your lifestyle? And it's not just the way you look, is it? It's more than that. You’re finally beginning to have the experience that a fluffy, growing tubster like you was always meant to have. You finally have to move through the world as someone too fat for average things, too fat to go a day without considering their size. Breaking chairs? Really? How good did it feel for that flimsy plastic to buckle underneath you, to know that the average adult would've been able to sit in that chair without a problem but it collapsed under the sheer size of you, under the thick, heavy fat that you’ve coated your body with. You're transforming, and it's happening more and more quickly, isn't it? Swelling up into a cuddly teddy bear with a beach ball belly that you couldn't suck in if you tried. Not that you often try, huh?
If you tried to suck in more, maybe your work shirts wouldn’t always be getting caught on things and snagging. Have you really grown that fast? That you don't even have the spatial awareness to know that your bloated gut is sticking so much further out in front of you than you realized? Is it humiliating, or exhilarating, to realize that you’ve gotten so fat you don’t even know the limits of your own body anymore? You underestimate your size despite having to lug around all that extra heft every day. And those underestimates cost you sometimes, huh? Like when you tried on a top at the mall only to tear a giant hole in the back. What did you think was gonna happen? Did you honestly believe you could fit into your old sizes? Your body might be catching up with your mentality, but somehow your conscious mind hasn't gotten the memo.
You must still think you’re thinner than you are. You have to, or stuff like that wouldn't be happening to you. You wouldn't have had to sheepishly confess that you destroyed a shirt because your eyes were bigger than your stomach and your stomach was bigger than you thought. You wouldn't have to abashedly make your way off the rides at an amusement park after the attendant tried and failed to buckle you into the seat you could barely squeeze your widening ass into in the first place.
They probably see stuff like that every day, but I'm sure they always have the same question: ‘Why would they even try? They know how big they are, they know how far their gut pushes out and how thick their thighs are. Why would they even embarrass themselves by waiting in line?’ But the thing is, you didn't know.
You know you’re bigger. You feel it when you get out of bed, when you walk from a parking lot. You feel your clothes getting tighter, you feel your appetite growing and growing. But there's still some tiny sense of denial. Some tiny inkling that yea, you’re fat, but you're not that fat. Let me make it crystal clear for you. You are that fat. You’re exactly that fat. All the little stories you told me paint a picture that's as unmistakable as the double chin on your face. So heavy you damaged the suspension of a car just by carelessly plopping your ass down into it? That doesn't happen when you’re chubby. That doesn't happen when you’re ‘not that big’, when you’re ‘not that far gone’. That only happens to deeply entrenched, seasoned, fatties. The kind who won't ever be able to lose an ounce because they’re that addicted to stuffing their faces.
That's who you are. It's who you’ll always be. The people in your life can't help but notice your growth because it's unavoidable. To know you is to know you’re getting bigger, and at this point, no one can stop you. They don't even attempt to intervene because they know it would be pointless, so instead they make their little comments. They poke your sides, tell you you're getting bigger, and bring you a third plate anyways. Why? Because they know if they didn't, you’d be the one waddling to the kitchen for more. Why prolong the inevitable? Why fight what's clearly your destiny?
And the whole time, they have no idea how much you love it. That watching yourself grow larger and larger, more and more formidable, makes you finally feel like the person that you're meant to be. That you love the fact that you still haven't yet come to terms with your new size in your everyday life because it means you get to surprise yourself with how huge you’re looking as you jiggle past the mirror.
Don’t you love that a larger stomach means a larger capacity? That you’ve gotten to the point that you can drink 4 liters of soda in one sitting and keep it all down? How long was it before you could move after that little indulgence? How long was it before you found yourself feeling hungry again? I'd bet anything it was less than a few hours. Just a few hours after bloating yourself past your maximum capacity with 1580 calories of carbonated corn syrup, I bet you were snacking on those chocolate bars you love to keep stocked or sucking down another milkshake like you weren't just groaning in pain from the tightness in your middle.
This is who you’ve always been, even when you were smaller. And you know you’ll never be small again. You know that your greedy mentality is gonna grow right alongside your body. You know that no matter how close you get, you’ll never fully catch up to the bulking grizzly bear inside you, stuffing yourself for a hibernation that never comes. Or if it does, only in the form of a short-lived food coma that you’ll shake off with another meal.
You’re growing into your appetite. And you’ll never, never stop.
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