Chapter 1: Growing Up hungry

Lily sat at the kitchen table, staring longingly at the plate of cookies in front of her. She could feel her stomach growling, begging for just one more cookie.

Her mother, a petite woman with short, stylishly cut hair and a stern expression, scolded Lily as she pulled the plate away from her. "Lily, you know you're not allowed to have any more sweets. You need to watch your figure."

Lily sighed, feeling a familiar sense of disappointment wash over her. She had always loved food, and it seemed like no matter how much she enjoyed eating, her parents were always there to remind her of the importance of being thin.

It was hard to believe that just a few years ago, her parents had been struggling to make ends meet in Korea. They had worked long hours and sacrificed so much in order to provide for their family and to save up enough money to start a new life in the United States. The move to Texas had been a big adjustment for everyone, but Lily's parents, both in their mid-40s, had been determined to make it work. They had high hopes for their children and wanted to give them the best possible opportunities in life.

"But I'm hungry," Lily protested, trying to reach for the plate.

Her father, a tall, thin man with graying hair and a no-nonsense attitude, chimed in, shaking his head disapprovingly. "You're not hungry, you're just being greedy," he said. "If you keep eating like this, you'll end up fat and lazy."

Lily's shoulders slumped, and she retreated back to her seat. She knew that arguing with her parents was futile – they had always been strict when it came to her eating habits.

As she grew older, Lily found herself struggling more and more with her desire to eat. She loved food and craved it constantly, but she also knew that indulging in those cravings would only lead to disappointment and punishment.

One day, Lily couldn't take it anymore. She had spent the entire day feeling hungry and deprived, and she just couldn't resist the temptation any longer. She snuck into the kitchen when her parents weren't looking and gobbled up as many cookies as she could before they caught her.

"Lily!" her mother gasped, when she walked into the kitchen and saw the empty plate. "What have you done?"

Lily knew that she was in trouble. She braced herself for the lecture that was sure to come, but instead, her mother's face crumpled in sadness.
"Lily, why do you do this to yourself?" she asked, her voice breaking. "Why can't you just be content with what you have?"

Lily felt tears welling up in her eyes. She had never meant to disappoint her parents, but she just couldn't help her love for food. It was something that brought her joy and comfort, and she couldn't bear the thought of living without it.
"I'm sorry," Lily whispered, tears streaming down her face. "I just love food so much."

Her mother sighed, pulling Lily into a hug. "I know you do, sweetie," she said, "but you need to learn to control yourself. If you don't, you'll end up unhappy and unhealthy."

Lily nodded, feeling a sense of resolve wash over her. She knew that she couldn't keep indulging in her cravings – it wasn't fair to her parents, or to herself. But she also knew that she couldn't give up food entirely. It was a part of who she was, and she needed to find a way.

Lily spent the next few years, trying hard to not think about food and the pleasure it brought her. It was bad she kept reminding herself, but the more she shoved it down the more the want surface. Naturally, with suppressing something that is so natural to a person it comes out in other ways.

Lily found her self looking at the bigger more heavy set woman around her in Texas, she found herself admiring their full ness and how much they could eat in one siting. She found her self living through them. As she got older, she found ways to suppress her thoughts, but there was a part of her still that would naturally look on At bigger woman even if she didn’t fully understand why.