Chapter 1 - Sarah

Sarah had always been big, born a cubby baby and always above average height, she carried her weight well and had been beautiful but didn’t know it. Self-conscious about her weight, bullied by friends and family and a chronic yo-yo dieter. She’d tried most diets, restricting what she ate and exercising, never managing to get below 90kg. These thin periods always made her incredibly unhappy, soon forgetting that she couldn’t just eat whatever she wanted, Sarah quickly forgot she was supposed to be on a diet and the weight quickly returned. Now in her 30s and hovering around 120kg, Sarah was in a job that she could tolerate, living alone and trying to make peace with herself and be body-positive. Body positivity: a thin, transparent veil over the fact that she couldn’t face the unhappiness of another diet and the fear of how much bigger she would be next time the weight (plus extra) all inevitably returned.

Sarah looked in the mirror and tried not to hate herself too much. All her clothes fit, especially as she’d recently taken all the ones that didn’t to the charity shop, and on a good day she could be described as lush. An hourglass figure with round, large breasts, leading to a tight waist with a flat stomach. She’d never understood why she didn’t have a big belly like some other fat girls, was it all those years in school where she’d stand there sucking her tummy in trying to look thinner? Shame you can’t suck an arse in! When she breathed in now, looking at herself from the side she could almost imagine a six-pack. Until the front-facing resumed, the mid-section gave way to the Rubenesque hips, bum, and thighs. Dimpled with cellulite and an unmoving constant in her life, they defined Sarah as a wide woman, filling up any seat, anywhere. Pale and plump, her strong thighs carried her everywhere she needed to go, her voluptuous bottom provided a comfortable seat at her destination and her soft hips almost got her stuck in a theatre seat.

Sarah was a secretary; she had a love-hate relationship with her office chair. Sitting down was her natural habitat and she loved the wheely mobility it gave her and the comfortable armrests. She hated the pop it made as her hips fitted snuggly between those armrests every time she sat down. She certainly hated the fact that all the other women in the office seemed to have room to spare in their office chairs, visible seat on either side of their thighs when they sat down, some of the younger ones even sitting cross-legged while they typed. It was obscene, they always seemed to be eating, and Sarah could never understand it. She had always loved food, never a picky eater and had a preference for the finer things in life when she could afford it. She would be just as happy having a five-course dinner as she would a pizza with sides and cookies. Cakes, puddings, and treats were her must-have, Sarah couldn’t see the point in having a drink if it didn’t come a little snack. No one really liked tea and coffee, they were just accompaniments to biscuits and cake.

Sarah didn’t exercise, there had been fads in the past and she had all the kit, but she didn’t need to experience the discomfort of trying to fit into the lycra now. If she would scrape in 1000 steps a day around the office and to and from the bus stop, it was a good day and deserved a pudding as a treat. Sarah was pretty and a good laugh, and had a desire to be social but couldn’t get her head around why ‘going out for drinks’ over dinner time never included actually having dinner. Always being the one to buy crisps for the table at the pub and then making early excuses to go home and have her dinner. Subsequently, the love life was a struggle, never finding the right person. Like her food tastes, Sarah liked a bit of everything, men, women – it didn’t matter. Sarah liked a hard man or a soft woman but most of all, she preferred not speaking to other people, staying at home, lighting a candle, and getting to know herself...

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