Cynical is right. If you PM RubyRipples, the person will be banned as soon as she logs on.

Sweetie, you're SO young. I know you don't feel it, but 20 is such early days. The world stops looking like high school by the time you're 30, and hopefully quite a bit before that. The cliques drop away. All of that changes.

And nice guys don't always get ignored. I married one, and we've been together for 24 years. I know lots of nice guys with partners they think are hot. Kind, thoughtful, supportive men end up partnered.

It is, however, true that self-pity is unattractive, *even when you've earned it*. I'm not commenting on whether or not you have the right to feel as you do, or whether or not I would feel as you do in your shoes. It's simply not the point. You can ask what you can do to make yourself more appealing (though it's dangerous, because you have to be willing to take the hits), but it's never a good idea to say 'It really sucks being someone like me because nobody likes us.' Just doesn't work.

If you look at your dating ad, for example, it talks about having been burned. Bad plan--no doubt true, but not a good sell. The section on your ideal match starts out with 'Not here seeking, not here against the idea.' Definitely not inspiring.

Your original question was if nice guys have any use. My answer? Yes, *including* in bed, but across all of life. In your second post, you say you aren't really a 'nice' guy, you've just developed that style through circumstances. Well, maybe it's time to peel away those habits and find out who you are. Then be him, and see how he works out for you.

The problem, as I see it, is that these things only pretend to be logical. In fact, as SuperFelix points out, we're unlikely to charge athletes more, though their training means injuries which means costs. These ideas are about punishing people who don't fall in line--smokers and fatties, in the current case. You'll notice, for instance, that we're not charging people who drink a few pints a few nights a week...

This seems to me another example of why we need a 'civil rights' type movement for fat people. Unfortunately, the people who have nominated themselves to lead that movement don't think it should include us, and (maybe relatedly?) we don't seem to participate much in it.

Ah, and now a Big Fat Blog entry on the show: www.bigfatblog.com/

There are the usual presumptions: that fat people are fat because we eat vast amounts of junk food, that we don't care about our health, etc. But the question of whether or not we should be 'punished'--for example, by making us pay for health care that's free to others--is one we really need to be thinking and talking about, because it's coming soon to a health care provider near you...

There was a talk show here on this topic, and it's now on youtube:


&NR=1

I'd love to hear people talk about this issue. It's not unlike the airline one--which gets mentioned early on--but in this case it has to do with public resources.

Any thoughts?

Did anyone watch Super Duper Sumos, by any chance? The clips on youtube are the worst quality imaginable. Looks like it wasn't exactly genius television, but they overeat for strength, are hugely fat, and it was renewed for a second season.

Instead of milk, try a coupla spoons of whole milk plain yogurt.

I haven't seen it yet, though I will now--thanks for the link, Dan!--but I will see that in the several past threads on it, not a single person had anything bad to say about the way it handled fat and feeding.

Now THAT's something to talk about--I never thought I'd see it happen.

This. And I think it applies to more than just dating/relationships.

I think people give up too easily. I worry about members being fragile and hurt easily, whether they do it by skulking away quietly or by getting angry and huffy. And I want to try to do things that make it feel safer for them to stay, but not at the expense of everyone's ability to chat and play.

For me, the ideal would be for everyone to hang in and work at expressing what they want and don't want. Step two, then, is to learn to walk away--and to let someone else walk away--when your needs and interests don't match.

I agree with everything that's been said so far. I, too, don't chat about gaining until I know someone a while, and I feel comfortable with them as a pleasant acquaintance. (In other words, we don't have to be best friends, but if I wouldn't go to a pub to have a drink with you, why on earth would I chat with you sexually?!?)

There's one other thing to remember: many people have come here for a fat positive site, not specifically for feeding. So you shouldn't presume that someone who's here is into feeding or gaining, only that they are into fat in some way--for themselves or their partners.

Which means it all comes down to 1) getting to know people, and 2) asking politely and thoughtfully before getting down and dirty, as it were.