Chapter 1 - we shared something special

Ever since I was a young girl, my sexuality revolved around weight gain and the decadent hugeness of the male body in full bloom. I remember staring at men's bulging bellies as a young girl at the beach or swimming pool. I loved how their bellies drooped out over their swimsuits, the love handles they grew around the sides, and the back fat completing a muffintop of gluttonous sensuality.

All my masturbatory fantasies involved men's bulging tummies, too-tight jeans, weight gain resulting in shirt buttons struggling to contain soft fleshy belly fat which peeked through the gaps between the buttons. I loved how men's bellies would pudge out from beneath their tight tshirts and over the top of the strained waistbands of their jeans. For many years, I worried that I was insane or sick or some kind of perverted. Other girls' conversations were always about the slim and muscular boys in our high school. However, I remained a silent minority, and I ogled the fat boys in secret.

I was a cheerleader in high school, and all the basketball players were, of course, slender and muscular. There was one guy who every girl lusted after. His name was Paul, and he had the face of a Greek god, a beautiful shaped nose and chiseled chin with intense blue eyes to go with his thick brown hair - like a teenage Matthew McConaughey. His thick lips could curve into a beautiful smile or curl into a boyish pout, dark and desperate -- like a teenage Matt Dillon. I am not exaggerating in these comparisons. He was like a movie star at our high school.

His face was something worthy of worship. Despite my attraction to chubby boys, I too found Paul adorable. After all, a handsome face is a handsome face. There were two drawbacks to my relationship with Paul. First was his girlfriend, Kathy. She was captain of the cheerleading squad I was on. Secondly, Paul was a little aloof and wouldn't give me the time of day.

As the basketball season went on, my fondness for Paul grew. He was truly a prize and I envied his girlfriend. I had managed to gain Paul's favor by means of humor. He thought I was funny with a quirky sense of humor, so I worked this angle for the remainder of the season. We had a science class together, and I would often finagle my way to be his lab partner, so I could work my humor on him. That winter I began to notice that some of Paul's jeans were getting a bit tight on him. After basketball season ended, he spent his weekends going to exclusive keg parties. I wasn't in "The God Squad", the name we gave for the popular kids, so I only saw Paul at school and was never invited to these parties.

I didn't know if I was thinking wishfully, or if Paul had actually gained a little weight. I could swear that he had a tiny beer belly blooming. He began to wear loose shirts that hung below his waist so it was hard to tell. I masturbated every night thinking about the belly that I thought must be growing beneath those loose shirts. We continued to talk that year, but I suspected his girlfriend Kathy was becoming jealous and he spent less time allowing me to make him laugh.

I didn't see him at all that summer, which was not strange because we really didn't hang out with the same crowd. When school started in what was to be our senior year, I was disappointed to see Paul. His former softer self had been replaced by a version that was more slender and more muscular than I'd ever seen him. He became an instant sensation with every girl in school and paid little attention to me. We won the state championship that year and after the official party ended, we threw a keg party at the lake. The whole team went. and it was there that I had a night I'd never forget. Everyone got really drunk and was falling all over each other. Spring was in the air, and many kids were making out. I had managed to get Paul alone and was keeping him in stitches, laughing much of the night.

Then all of a sudden, he got quite serious, as we walked a bit into the woods, away from the warmth and light of the bonfire. "God, you're so funny, I just love the way you make me laugh", he said.

"Hey, just doing mankind a small service", I replied, and he chuckled a bit, then suddenly got very serious.

"Well, Kathy never makes me laugh, She's so caught up in her cheerleader image. It's like I'm just a trophy to her. Talking with you I feel like myself, my real self. You make me feel real. It's like the whole school has this idea of what I'm all about." I could hear his voice catch a little, and in the reflection of the distant fire, I saw a small tear form in the corner of his eye. Just as I had imagined, he had a vulnerable side, and he was the strong sensitive type. I could feel myself tingle all over as he continued to speak in a halting voice.

"So I try to live like they think I should, but with you I feel free to be myself and I like that." He was a little choked up, so I gave him a hug. He then pulled me toward him, and I felt just how thin he was, as his hard muscular abs and ribs pushed against me. He lifted me off the ground and onto a stump, so our faces were even, and we looked intently into each others' eyes. He grabbed the back of my head and kissed me, his tongue squirming between my lips and deep into my mouth. We made out that night, and it was basically the highlight of my youth. For years from then, I would use that night as fantasy fodder to make me tingle between the legs and begin masturbating. The only thing I wished was different was, I wished he had a little more flesh on his bones. And less muscle, more softness.

The following Monday morning when I saw him, I knew things were back to the way they had been before. He was busy being Paul, the popular basketball star, and I was that quirky odd girl who made him laugh sometimes. He gave me a knowing look, and I understood what he needed most. The safety of his plastic world was more important than the truth he knew with me. To be quite honest, that was okay with me because I knew that we had shared something real and special.

(to be continued)