Sometimes, yes. I don't think I'm entirely over the hump yet, but I'm less conflicted now than I was before.
Thoughts of "What am I doing to myself?" are being replaced with "This plateau is frustrating," or "I wish I wasn't full already," or "I need to be bigger, fatter, and have a larger appetite."
I'm not sure when I might get over the hump, but I think it'll happen at some point. Maybe in 30 lbs? Or 40-50+ lbs?
But I definitely like the changes so far, for the most part, even in spite of the fact that I've had to buy more clothes, or that I dislike shoelaces even more than I did before, not that I ever really liked them in the first place.
The only possible road block that I'm not entirely sure how to deal with yet, that still bothers me somewhat, are what my parents might say. They're a bit health-conscious and my father likes to workout fairly regularly and seems to almost hate sugar most of the time. My mother doesn't go to the gym and only engages in light activity, but eats very little and tends to focus more on so-called "healthy food" which tends to be either more expensive and/or lacking in calories and don't really seem to satisfy. I love them of course, but when they're around, the food is sad and disappointing and I don't usually feel satisfied. Although, this has also been a bit of an unknown so far.
So far, my mother hasn't said anything seriously negative. She kind of wishes I was a little more active, but nothing heavy or highly strenuous. Sometimes I wish I could too, but I feel like that costs a lot of time that sometimes, I feel like I can't spare.
The last time I saw my father, he actually said I need to lose some weight, but I think that was one of the rare times he talks about health things with me, and it was through text message since I guess he didn't want a face to face confrontation. Not sure how this will play out. I'm not actually that heavy yet (this is why I need to gain more), though perhaps he was shocked that I have much more of a gut than I used to at one time. He does have other family members who are fat, but he isn't close to them (this is not related to their physical size).
If I had to guess, he may not notice if my waistline expands a couple more inches, which at the very least, I'd like to do. But I can't help but think it might be worse or with more emphasis if I gain significantly more. At the same time, I don't really know what would happen.
I do know that in private conversation with me, when others can't hear, they often say negative anti-fat (or at least, anti-obese) comments. On the bright side, there have been "pleasantly plump" and even fat individuals they have respected for one reason or another, because they really are/were good people. So it could be worse.
But yeah, this is the only thing I really worry about. Or the possible flak I might get if one day, I bring a lady who's 300+ lbs, though assuming I love her enough, I'm sure I'd find a way to deal and I expect they would accept it.
I guess another hump I possibly foresee, but I can't be sure when it might happen, is if/when I start to develop a double-chin. That might cause me to reassess, but of course I won't know until I get there! Though, the thought of developing cellulite and back rolls, that doesn't seem to bother me. If anything, that would mean I'm doing something right. Kind of wish some more weight would have made it to my butt, but a lot of this is genetic to begin with.
2 years
