General

So at my appointment I ended up talking about struggling to go to class because I hate being made to walk over a mile a day because of classes. I don’t like walking and find it horrible because I see it as slow and a pain in the ass. I have depression and don’t have much energy. I expressed that I did not want to exercise or worry about eating healthy and that I didn’t like my friends and family judging me for it. I ended up complaining that my last significant other was into riding his bike 1-3 times a week and worried about his diet and argued that I was wrong for thinking it was pointless and a waste of time. I ended up saying that I don’t want to date someone like that because I would hate to have a different lifestyle to my partner and that I like mine. My therapist said that I need to accept that my lifestyle and how I want to live my life. I don’t know why a therapist would support someone in hurting their health and responsibilities. I don’t understand how the fact I hate walking so much that I struggle to do everyday things isn’t something that needs to be changed or worked on to find a solution. I think the fact I dislike walking to that extent shows that I have problems that need to be worked on.
Also why should I accept and indulge in living an unhealthy lifestyle because I hate the work of being healthy. How isn’t that bad. How isn’t my feedist sexuality bad (I never mentioned a sexual part of it) I actively want to harm myself and others by doing these things and I’m told I should accept it and do it because it sounds fun?!? Also why should I accept and believe it’s completely alright to hurt myself by having a bad diet and thinking ruining my health is sexy! Why should I believe it’s ok to actively encourage others do hurt themselves with an unhealthy lifestyle and think there is nothing wrong with enjoying it sexually! All of this is implied when my therapist says these things. How is this different than telling a drug addict to shoot up drugs because it makes them happy even though those drugs get in the way of the drug addict wanting to see his kids? Isn’t this wrong? How is encouraging taking on an unhealthy lifestyle or feedist lifestyle not wrong?

Maybe this therapist isn’t a good fit for you. It happens. Tell them what your concerns are.

ok, so you told your therapist you are unhappy if you exercise and eat well and you suffer from depression as a result. your therapist said, fine, do what makes you happy. now you're upset that your therapist isn't forcing you to eat better and exercise? do you hear the mixed messages you are sending?

it sounds like you want to be "cured" of this fat fetish, so i suggest if you want therapy to be useful, you should talk to them about that. talk about what attracts you to it and why that makes you unhappy.

the drug addict comparison is way off base. being fat is not the same as being a drug addict.

Gotta say it sounds like you aren't telling your therapist the whole story. Have you told your therapist about the self-harm aspect? Have you told him how you want to eat healthy and exercise even though you hate it?

He's a therapist not a mind reader.

Also, having seen up close what a drug addiction looks like and does, being lazy with a crap diet is nowhere near close to that.

you can have your cake and eat it too, you don’t have to sacrifice your health to freely indulge how you want. Will it be hard? Yes. will it take a lot of willpower? Yes.

Being Fat isn’t necessarily unhealthy.

I’m a former therapist and was going to say something like this.

It sounds, Jelly Rolls, like there’s a lot of shame around both your body and your sexual interests. While being fat and gaining weight *can be* unhealthy, it’s not universally true. It’s also not morally wrong to be unhealthy. Health has nothing to do with morality or worth.

It’s difficult to untie all the threads you have going on because shame is tying knots all over the place. If you *want* to do things like eat healthy and exercise, I’ve personally only found the motivation to do that when I love myself and can treat myself kindly. I hope you’re able to talk with your therapist again and unpack some of this, because it sounds like you’re in a lot of pain. Beating yourself up won’t get you where you want to go in life, I speak from experience in this.

I've been to therapy for depression before. The impression I got is that it's ok to be where you are right now, because you didn't choose to struggle with these problems. If you beat yourself up over it, or try to solve everything all at once, you are likely to fail. The depression itself is going to sabotage your efforts, so getting that under control should be your #1 priority. You should focus on doing small, practical things that will alleviate your mood. Hang out outside when the weather is nice, reach out to friends (or make new ones), clean your home, etc. Sweeping lifestyle changes can wait for a while until you're able to handle them.

I'll echo what others have said already, that therapy isn't going to help you unless you can be open with your therapist, and especially about what outcome you actually want. You need to have a specific goal in mind so that you can come up with steps together to move toward it. Whether that means finding coping methods for your sexuality, or learning to embrace that side of yourself.

As people have already said, gaining weight in a healthy way is possible. It's not nearly as dire as you make it out to be. Aside from that, feedism is valid anyway because you don't owe anybody your health. We're all informed consenting adults, you are allowed to make your own decision to be happy in whichever way you want, and so are the other feedists. Many people (even outside this community) choose to take on an unhealthy or dangerous lifestyle in exchange for feeling happy and fulfilled, and that's perfectly fine because they made an informed decision for themselves. Athletes for example are at high risk of injury, especially head trauma. Some have died because of it. Yet, nobody tells them that playing sports is an unacceptable life choice.

BTW, I checked out your profile and saw that you are 5'11" and 160 lbs. That means you have a BMI of 22.3 which is considered by the CDC to be a healthy weight for an adult. If you're having problems walking, it's probably not fat related.