Fat experiences

sitting at my desk and feeling my gut touch my desk drawer. I took the handle off the front drawer because the metal handle dug in to me.
now it just has a hole i stick my finger in to pull it open.

every step there is a jiggle feeling on my hips.

finally, i can feel all of this flesh shift when i reposition myself. sitting... standing... laying. its a part of me but it feels like its not part of me

Give it time. Eventually your fat will feel like an integral part of you. Way back during my extreme dieting and self-hatred phase, part of what made it so hard was that I didn't feel like myself when I was a "normal" weight. Not having the thick layer of soft flab that I was used to was disconcerting and uncomfortable. These days I can't even imagine not having a belly big enough to rest my hands on, or not feeling my double chin crease when I move my head.

I wrapped Christmas presents for a couple hours today, standing up at the table as you do. I can never reach to wrap larger presents if I sit down. My poor feet are KILLING me now! I used to be able to stand on a hard floor for much longer before my feet started hurting.

Maybe I’ll sit down to wrap small presents next year.

Every time I order food and drinks with friends the server knows the full fat coke is mine.

Red waistband marks

Doctors weighing me even if I go in for a cold

Realizing how much food it actually takes to fill you up!

For example, yesterday, while we were out and about, we got fast food. I'm right at my weight cap, so I've gut back considerably. I ordered three cheeseburgers with mushrooms and swiss, a large fry, and a large Diet Coke, while my partner got a grilled chicken sandwich and water. Compared to the way I've been eating for the past two years, my order was a small one, although I do know that for the average person, it's still a massive amount, and I'll probably have to cut back more to get to maintenance. Nevertheless, when I finished everything, I barely felt like I had eaten. Within an hour, I felt hunger pangs in my belly. If that's not a reminder what a greedy fatty I've become, I don't know what it is. 🤣

When I sat down after my shower today in a big sleep shirt and my underwear after tempting to tuck my belly in it, the elastic popped. Guess I'm bigger than an 7XL!!

That is impressively wide. Are you going to keep on the gain train, or are you still trying to slow down?

Definitely slowing down now, just because I think I've hit a point where daily obstacles are rapidly feeling more pronounced. Given that I'm not super tall, I think another 100 pounds would strand me at home entirely, and I'm not ready for that.

Getting fat isn't as enjoyable if you can't be a person too. Good luck to you in finding your balance.

That's absolutely right. Fortunately, I have a great partner who wants to have a lot of future adventures together and would, though he loves my obese body, support me whether I wanted to be an 8XL or a size 2. So it's not like I have someone in my house who is working against me. I just have to get in the right headspace and shift some habits to maintain.