Extreme obesity

Ok, so I’m by no means what is now referred to as a death feedist, but I have had brief relationships with women above 450lbs one of whom is now happily married and appears to be growing.

What I can say is that she is happy, and was happy with her size when we dated.

As Ive mentioned before on these forums, my family owned a chain of gyms during the 80s and early 90s and what was clear is that seemingly healthy relationships where one or both partners were striving for a better body or greater athletic capability, were infact doing damage to themselves. Olympic level sports take a toll on the body too, and top top level in most sports results in a raised mortality and a raised rate of long term injury. Further to this, purely aesthetic gym use (along with the diet, medication and supplements) taxes the body, again often resulting in joint failure and organ damage.

The balance lies in what the person changing themselves for a personal goal, wishes to sacrifice to achieve that goal. In addition, if their partner is enabling behaviour that likely negatively affects the mortality of their partner, but yet positively affects their partner’s state of mind: where should one draw the line?

Despite societal norms in any period or place, there is always a balance to be struck in a relationship.

Some people likely to climb, or race or basejump. It comes with injury and a hugely raised chance of disability or death but yet, because of the enjoyment of the participants, the balance has been drawn between mental state and future physical state.

Going for any extreme comes with a significant risk, and it is up to the participants to make informed decisions on that risk vs the reward. So long as the decision is not affected by coercion or misinformation, then it is the participants choice to make.

If you basejump or skydive, you stand on the edge of the cliff, plane or building, look down to your dz and weight up the high of the fall vs the risk of failure; it is then your choice whether to jump.

In summary, if the feedee in an extreme WG relationship has assessed the lifestyle risks (reliance on others, morbidity, financial costs etc), has made their own choice and has the capability and support to stop if they so choose, they likely care less about the risks as the psychological reward is greater.

The problem with these questions is that they are individual answers.

Some don't care. Others care a whole lot.

Some will just tell you what you want to hear to get what they want out of you.

Trust is tough to find on places like this.

These are questions you should ask in personal conversations with people. All the forum post like this does is let people formulate answers.

They'll try and tell you what they think you want to hear instead of being put on the spot in a one on one conversation.

Be careful who you talk to, they are always watching.

Herkimer Homolka:

"We are...watching you"

There are people on this site and every site like this that read posts like this.

Then they have an in. They know what's important to you.

Guys on sites like this will literally say and try anything to get your attention. They don't care about you, but they'll pretend like it just long enough to get involved with your life.

It's best to keep all the information like this to yourself.

You might think this is a community but I am telling you...it's not what you might think.

Be careful what you post on the internet, and what you ask.

Long story short,

Yes it concerns me. My rule is, we’ll keep going until the doctor says anything about high blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol etc. that’s when everything stops until her health is back on track.

I think everyone knows where stand

So... the answer for me is yes. I do care. And in my younger days was wracked with anxiety and guilt if entering into relationships with those relatively "healthy" but willing to grow. They usually resulted in a blame game later on, outside of a fun episode, where they are legitimately blaming me for their predicament. I'm sure there are more earnest lighter weight feedees out there, this is just an expression of my own experience.

But that is why as I've gotten older I intentionally seek out partners who are already morbidly obese. My personal take is at that point they are aware of the health consequences and my own personal guilt is mitigated. I am also very blunt in my desires and my intentions. It helps me feel confident with my feedees, when they are already over 400lbs that they are confident enough in their own body size moving forward to enjoy it. And tell me when to stop if they've had enough without negatively blame shifting.

The little people that live in your walls and dust bins with their prying little fingers and yellowing gnarled teeth.

It’s a huge question that a lot of people struggle with. Please don’t think we’re all horny weirdos who will stop at nothing to get off, we’re regular people. I would highly recommend the health at every size movement and intuitive eating. I’m constantly recommending the podcasts Food Psych and Maintenance Phase, as well as books such as Anti Diet and The Body is Not An Apology, Lindo Bacon also has great work on the subject that’s worth exploring. Basically all of these things assert that the correlation between fatness and poor health outcomes is correlation and not causation. Yes, fat people suffer medically at a rate thin people do not. But studies don’t control for things like doctor bias. They don’t take into account that fat people are often refused treatment and told to lose weight instead. And doctors don’t take into account that prescribing weight loss is not only damaging because it prolongs actual care, but is ineffectual. 95-98% of attempts for intentional weight loss fail, and most people gain more weight back. This isn’t because they are weak willed failures, it’s because the body is protecting itself from famine and builds back more fat in case the famine comes back. Some people are naturally larger than others, and that’s okay. The healthiest statistic BMI isn’t even the thin one. I’d check out the resources I suggested if you’re interested in learning more because there’s definitely a lot more. Christy Harrison does a wonderful weekly Q&A and helps to break down diet culture fears and false beliefs. So if people want to be fat, it’s genuinely their choice and there’s no morality attached to it. It’s very rare that people want to be fat, most are desperately trying to be thin and inadvertently making themselves fatter in the pursuit of thinness. And the problem really only exists because we decided fat is bad when we didn’t have to. To me it’s absolutely insane our culture decided to hate and stigmatize fat bodies and I see no basis for it. But because of that stigma, so many problems and so much suffering has been the result.

These are things I've thought a lot about while on a long journey to self-acceptance that continues to this day.
- Health and thinness are not synonymous. Being overweight does not equate with being unhealthy, ill, or suffering. There are thin people who are ill (including out of shape) and there are overweight and obese people who are healthy.
- It's my opinion, after very serious consideration, that the popular fat phobia is overblown and itself very psychologically and even physically unhealthy (anorexia is the #1 most deadly mental illness). This is partly fueled by pseudo-science from the monetarily-motivated diet industry. Scientists are not immune from popular assumptions that fat is inherently unhealthy, so a lot of research supports this notion because they wanted to support fat phobia or the diet industry in the first place. I could go on and on about this for many thousands of words.
- Even though this is my third point, it is the number one most important: I would NEVER, EVER force or coerce someone into gaining weight if they didn't want to. If they were unhappy at their current weight and wanted to lose weight, I would fully support and assist them, I would still love them, still find them beautiful, and would never leave them because they lost weight.
- The most important thing, ultimately, is living a fulfilling and happy life. To some people, being fat and happy will lead to a better life than being thin and dissatisfied with their body, sick of dieting, sick of stressing about their weight, sick of feeling guilty for enjoying a delicious meal, sick of worrying that they are too fat to be loved, etc. etc. etc.

If there is someone out there who would be happier eating what they want, when they want, and to be seen as attractive and loved and accepted just as they are, then what's wrong with us living happily together the rest of our days? Now, I'm not saying that reasonable steps to promote health and longevity shouldn't be taken, but frankly life is too short to let society dictate how you "should" live, anxious and insecure and starving yourself to conform to unhealthy ideals.

If anyone wants to diet, exercise, count calories, etc. then by all means, do it! Do your thing and be happy and I'll be happy for you. I'm just saying that's not everyone's idea of happiness.