Fat experiences

As an autistic person, I struggle with spatial awareness and regularly bump into things as I can't feel where my body ends and the outside world starts.

I was obese until 10 years ago when lost half my body weight due to anorexia.

It took me a long time to mentally adjust to how much smaller my body had gotten.

In restaurants, I'd still push chairs under tables to make way for myself, until a friend of mine pointed out I didn't need to do this anymore because I was so skinny.

Having involuntary gained a significant amount of weight in the last few months, I keep underestimating how much more space my larger body takes up.

I recently moved to a smaller apartment and find it very unsettlingly when parts of my body brush against the countertop or my kitchen chairs (although the space between them is objectively very narrow).

Same with clothes...

I remember that when I was very skinny I'd look at a piece of clothing and think "this is tiny, there's no way it fits me" and often there would be room to spare.

Now, it's the opposite. I'll pick up at a pair of size 29 or 30 jeans in a store (I used to wear size 25), put it in front of me and think "this looks large enough to fit" and then I'm mortified when I can barely zip them up.

Body dysmorphia probably has something to do with this, but I feel huge and disconnected from my body.

It brings back traumatic memories of clothes shopping at my heaviest when the largest size available in regular stores was very tight or didn't fit at all.

My limbs were disproportionately large compared to my midsection, so I'd dread trying on tops (most blouses' armholes were too small so I eventually stopped trying to find one that fit) and pants (unless the fabric seemed very stretchy).

I just couldn't accept the fact that I needed to shop at a plus size clothing store...

This is why I've been procrastinating the process of going through my wardrobe to see what fits and what doesn't. IDK what to do because I need to do it (I have a lot of designer clothes that I might be able to sell to get back some money)...

3 or 4 months ago or so i didnt have to rock to get up. I dont know when i started havign to rock or needing a hand but.
i remember the day that i realized i had been rocking or getting to the edge of the couch or chair and manicuring to get up instead of just standing up.

Thats my daily reminder for sure. another one is my lower stomach and how soft it is. when i walk i can feel it jiggle and rub agaisnt my thighs.
We did a saline inflation on it last weekend and i could have died.

I hope that's the last time you do something like that.

Sure, saline solution isn't bad per se, but you can very easily give yourself an embolism or an infection.

All in all, I am glad you are topside with us.

Yesterday two thing happened.

1) I started bumpimg into things I thought get by.

2) I was on the subway and nobody sat beside me. I was taking up too much space...spilling iver to the next seat.

This is a recent thing. I like it.

When i sit down on my sofa, before i gained it mever made a sound, now its lower, and makes a load of creaking noises. Im certain ive cracked the frame of it

I'm short and need glasses, so I often find myself going on my toes and leaning over the counter to look in the mirror... I always get shocked by the cold counter when my belly flops onto it, my belly needing to sit on it for me to get close enough to see 😂

Also my ankles/feet hurt so bad when I don't sit for long periods of time, and how much I need to sit, even when just spending a day doing chores around the apartment.

Also not being able to wear shoes that go above the ankle (even plus size) bc of my fat calves lol.

Finally, sitting down for lunch with colleagues and mine is 2x the size 😂

Not so much daily as my yearly thought “these clothes fit a week ago.” It always happens at this time of year… I wonder why

Went to a movie last week and it was an older theater with traditional seats. Last time I was there was at a couple of years ago. This time spent about 2hrs. with sides of the chair digging into me and very wedged in. Only stadium seating for me in the future!

i had to go to get an eye scan a couple days ago and it was in a first floor with a tiny staircase and at the end of a narrow hall, it was a classic moment of having to push against the railings and the walls to let people exiting through but not making much difference because i'm almost as wide sideways

Bending down to get anything at all, especially restocking shelves at my retail job, some of those suckers on the bottom shelf can be a pain restock. Especially when kids push the boxes all the way to the back.